Poetry Journal

Poetry Journal-01

          February 12th          Written on: 2/12/24

One year ago, today

But nothing's different.

Nothing's changed.

I haven't grown.

I've withered.

I haven't healed.

I've decayed.

I haven't sprouted.

I haven't bloomed.

I've reverted.

I've sealed.

The others are so bright and beautiful.

I'm grey, my petals crumble.

The others, hydrated and flourishing.

I stand, dry and dreadful.

I've tried,

to heal and grow

I've tried,

to express and show

my need for help.

But it's not that easy.

It's not that quick.

But,

maybe this time next year.

Maybe then,

I'll be healthy,

I'll have healed.

Maybe then,

I'll be different,

I'll have grown.

          Backstory/Reasoning-(Mentions Suicide)

          This poem was written on February 12th, 2024. I wrote this poem because the year before, on February 12th, 2023, I had tried to kill myself. This year, around February 12th, I had been thinking a lot about the previous year and its events. From around February 8th, I kept thinking about what has changed in the time span of a year, and I realized that nothing had changed and I still felt almost the exact same way I did the year before. If you have never felt this way or just don't understand, I was pretty depressed because of this thought, leading to increased feelings of self-hatred. This year, on February 13th, 2024, I did attempt to kill myself (again) due to self-hate and various other factors. I am okay now, for any of those wondering, and I am currently in the process of healing. I also sometimes get questions from people asking me if it's Valentine's Day that makes me upset (because I'm single and lonely🥲), and no, it's not. Valentine's is actually my favorite holiday and even though I am single, I still love to celebrate it.

          If you are struggling with things like suicidal ideation, self-hate/harm, depression, and other extremely important issues, please seek professional help. I would love to help anybody I can, but sadly, I am not very educated in the field of psychology and cannot provide any professional guidance. However, if you only need someone to talk to, then I am always available.

          Suicide and Crisis Hotline: 988 (at least in my country.)

          Thank you so much for reading my yap session!! (hopefully I didn't bore you😭)

(Art does not belong to me.)