THEREFORE I AM [Completed]

Chapter Twelve

Eli
Now, 2078

"We should lay low whilst he is here, it's too early to do anything drastic." Lyle agreed with me. Katherine mulled over the new information, half groggy from sleep and half filled with hatred, her face contorted with the aggression of a pit bull. Daniel was looking over where Kelvin resided. He still hadn't come out since I told him about the vision. I was unsure whether he was sore about it or if he was still hung up on Machina coming to Arden Square.

"What would you want to do, Katherine? What would be your purpose?" Katherine looked at me square in the eye. It's a stare so intense I could almost feel the clouded judgement.

"Do you see anything?" She broke her stare looking solemnly at the ground.

"I have nothing to see. I have only met him once and I lack the data to see his paths." Which felt odd, considering I had experienced sporadic bursts of visions, both in my low power mode and during my journey into Mesdan city. I was still in my infancy, barely accumulating enough data. Initially, I attributed it to a false vision, a mere flex of my nascent abilities. However, doubt seeped into my mind, questioning both my capabilities and their purpose. After all, I had encountered Deus Ex Machina—I should have glimpsed at least a fragment of insight. "We don't do anything, we lay low, no recruitment this time, no symbol." Whilst some nodded in agreement there was still a sense of disdain in the air. A metal framed Android peeked at me and although they do not have the skin or motors to convey emotion, I felt like I had the intuition to feel his rage. I felt the scowl painted on his bare face.

"Machina is a traitor. He worked with the Chancellors; he was once one of them. If anyone needs to pay, it's him." Another boxy voice broke out, Katherine became visibly defensive by the comment.

"I agree but it will get us nowhere apart from one ticket to the upload for all of us. We don't need Eli's visions to figure out that one." She explained. The Android never stopped staring at me, and a realisation stuck me. I should have made an effort to know everyone, understand their personalities and delve into their desires. My visions were too generic and too sporadic and at that moment, too unreliable.

"That's done then. We do nothing and we say nothing." I looked back at the nameless Android, being sure to instill conviction.

I got back to the apartment and let myself gain charge throughout the night. Flashes of my past visions lingered at the edge. "I breathe, therefore I am." The phrase beat at my head as I tried to get rest, it jerked at my motors and the image of that man smashing his foot against my head re-appeared from my first night's vision. I took myself out of low saving mode, leaned towards the window and stared out at the peaceful night and the twinkling lights of Mesdan. Unsure of why this vision had come back to me. Like a nightmare that would reoccur night after night. Androids do not dream. I ignored the Network's advice, its constant corrections started to grate on me, and it was not what I needed. I feared for the future, I feared our efforts were in vain. I doubted myself and my ability. I also doubted the others in the resistance. I had a clear trust in Katherine, that was for certain. She was levelheaded. She understood the cause and how to navigate it. I trusted her more than my own visions, she's lived through the war although, she didn't like to talk about it. She understood the Nations Concerted. She knew the panel but even she couldn't get past the doubt that threatened me. Every vision I had ended in Humans against Androids and there was no probability stop it. I couldn't see past the destruction. I couldn't see who would win or even if there would be a winner at all.

The morning of the Cleansing was a bright and sunny one. I didn't like it. It felt unsettling to have such a bright and beautiful scene on a day that lurked a dark metaphor for an oppressive supremacy. This time, Benny was not awake before my automatic wake up and so I whipped up some porridge and added a dollop of jam for sweetness to take my mind temporarily off today's subject. I placed it in the warming oven ready for when she woke. I ironed and laid out her clothes for the day. Some more time passed, and I felt the urge to wake Benny up. It's only six seventeen. The Network guided. I was before the schedule. It's not like an Android to be early to the schedule. Sat down with nothing but thoughts, I resisted the urge to turn on the TV. The motors in my legs moved in a swift twitching motion; I stopped them but every time my mind drifted to the last Cleansing they started again. You are anxious. Too right I was anxious. I was consumed by anxiety. If I was pulled to the stage, I didn't know how much more I could've handled. The guilt of killing that girl still coursed through the fluids in my body. I wasn't so sure that I could be saved from another round of despair and depression. I didn't have faith in Mother, but she could pluck the soul right out of me, and if she held the keys to heaven, she should lock the door.