Poems About My Crush

I don't but I do

I don't want to feel like this anymore
I don't want to be sad because I know that you'll never be mine
I don't want to be confused because you keep giving me mixed signals
I don't want to be angry beause even though I sometimes think you might like me too, you never act on it

I want to be over you
I want to keep living like I did the day before you smiled at me
I want to keep living like I did before you made me fall for you

But at the same time I don't
I don't want this feeling to end
I want to keep this feeling that I get everytime you're around
I want to keep the nervousness when you walk up to me
I want to keep the butterflies when we talk to each other
I want to keep that stupid smile on my face everytime I catch you looking at me

I guess you could say I don't want this feeling to end but to change
I want the nervousness of talking to turn into something that feels like coming home
I want it to turn into you listening to me, even though what I say might not make sense or might not interest you
I want that stupid smile to change into something you enjoy to look at
I want it to turn into something you smile at when I catch you looking at me, and not looking away
I want the feeeling I get around you to change into something deeper, into something that means something more than a stupid schoolgirl crush

I like you, I really do
I like having a crush on you
I like all these happy little shitty things you make me feel
But at the same time I just want it to end

Sometimes I tell myself that it would be better, if we never worked out
It would mean that I get to stay in my comfort zone
But then I see you talking to another girl and the jealousy, I know I'm not allowed to feel, hits me
It's moments like these I realise I can't bear with us not working, us not even having a chance

I know that if I feel like that I should just make a move, but I can't
Not until you stop giving me mixed signals, because I don't want to look like a fool
I don't want to face rejection
Because I don't want to give up the illusions I have about us
I don't want to live in a world in which I'm sure you don't like me
I want to keep living in a world in which I am delusional about every little sign you give that you might like me
In a world in which I just keep ignoring all the things screaming at me that you don't

I could write a whole list of these things
- I am not your type
- You bearly speak to me
- You treat me differently than all your friends, you give me less attention then them
But in the next second you talk to me even though your friend comes up and says something to you
- You lean in when we talk
- You look at me like I'm actually really fucking special
- You reach over my head to pin the poster that I'm holding to the wall and I'm pretty sure we look like these couples in movies when she can't reach the book because it's to high up on the bookshelf and he comes up behind her to help
And while that is one of my favorit memories with you it also reminds me that we will never be like one these coupels from the movies
It's one of the reasons why I want to get over you so desperately