Stardust

i hate my life (conrad's version)

'Cause I want the one I can't have

And it's driving me mad - The Smiths

Conrad

Everything is shit. The weather is bad, the beer tastes like urine and there are too many people yelling. I hate this bonfire. Why the fuck did I agree to come to this bullshit? I'm an idiot.

- Someone is cranky. - Nicole sits next to me on the beach towel even though I didn't invite her. The fact I ignored her texts wasn't enough to stop her either. - What's wrong?

My mother is dying. Stella is gonna be a debutante. I'm not playing football anymore. I fucking hate my life.

- What's right? - I force a shrug, sipping on the watered down drink.

Nicole laughs as if I said something funny. I have nothing against her. Nothing. She's pretty and nice and all that. We went to the deb ball together last year because my mom forced me to. I'm not sure why I accepted. Probably because Stella was gone. It was a fucking nightmare despite my company being good. My hate for deb balls isn't unwarranted.

The real problem is that Nicole looks at me the same way Belly does: like I'm a piece of meat. Or worse, like I'm the prince charming of their romance novel. At least Nicole is my age, so it's not weird, just irritating.

I'm no fucking prince charming, I never will be, but when Nicole kisses me, I let her. I don't know why. It's a distraction, but it'll bite me in the ass later. Still, I take it.

I probably would've spent the whole party making out with Nicole if we didn't get interrupted. When I look up to see the source of the noise, Belly is lying face down on the sand. I'm willing to bet my ass cheek that the dress she's wearing is Taylor's.

What is she doing here? Did she sneak out? Does Stella know Belly is here? Fuck, is Stella here? The thought alone makes me pull away from the girl next to me. Nicole is too busy staring at Belly as she stands up to notice it. She took a nasty fall, but my pity for her doesn't last long.

- I thought you hated the Red Sox. - Belly angrily points to Nicole's blue cap.

I hate my life.

- I'm sorry, who the fuck are you? - Nicole looks between the two of us, clearly confused.

- Who the fuck are you? - Belly counters, crossing her arms.

She's acting like a jealous girlfriend and it pisses me off more than I'd like to admit.

- I'm Nicole. - Her voice doesn't quiver. She's one of the most confident girls I've ever met, it's admirable. I have no idea why she's interested in me. - Conrad and I went to the deb ball together last summer.

- Yeah. It was after you guys left to take Steven to look at colleges. - I explain. Nicole smiles at me like we're reminiscing on a great experience instead of a torture marathon. Belly doesn't like that. - What are you doing here?

- I thought you said all balls were bullshit and all debs were sheep. - Belly ignores my question. - Remember?

- I didn't... - I pause. I said that. More than once. Her jealousy is angering me, so I take a low blow. - Stop being such a brat!

- Stop being a fucking asshole! - She yells back. Nicole looks between us like she's watching a volleyball match, but doesn't say anything else.

- Belly! - My brother appears out of nowhere. I don't remember the last time I was so happy to see him. - You came!

- You're the first person to be happy about it. - She mumbles, not looking in my direction. Jeremiah glances at me, but if he wanted to say something, he chose not to.

They start talking and immediately tune it out. Nicole doesn't seem more interested than me. Steven shows up a moment later and the siblings argue, but I'm not paying attention. It lasts forever though, there's a crowd watching them fight. The poor girl Steven was hanging out with stands awkwardly in the back for a long time before he lets Belly go with Jeremiah. The two of them disappear somewhere as soon as the fight is over. I think Nicole said her name is Shayla.

The next hour is a blur. I drink a lot of beer. Nicole and I make out again. We smoke a lot, she had good stuff. Things are their usual shitty self until a guy decides to take the beer that I was about to drink. It was my beer. I had taken it, and it was fucking mine. He wasn't willing to back off and I wasn't either. I'm compromising on too much this summer.

Nicole tries to keep us from fighting, but eventually the guy punches me. I punch back, ecstatic that I have a good reason to do it. There's a liberation in getting into fights. Me and the random dude swing at each other, both too drunk to stand still, and adrenaline burns in my veins. It feels awesome, but it doesn't last long. Belly tries to get between us and the asshole accidentally hits her. And before any of us can react, we see the police lights.