Taken In

Snowflakes

Gusto was pleased.
I hadn't OD'd and I'd earnt good tips. He wouldn't say, but I figured out after talking to the other girls that I'd definitely made the most out of all of them by a long shot.
And it was all thanks to that guy, Keanu.
As soon as I'd finished, around 6am, I stumbled upstairs, and collapsed on the mattress. I didn't have my own room, I shared it with 2 other girls whose names were Venus and Snowflake. It was a hierarchy system; Angel and a select few got their own rooms, the rest of us shared pretty much everything. None of us owned our own clothes, and we didn't get to keep any of our earnings. Angel always kept a percentage, and there were some others, but they would never tell you. Any spare money was quickly sucked up by drugs, alcohol, or a rare takeaway.
I needed a hit, but by the time I got upstairs and pulled my little red dress off, I had passed out.
I awoke in board daylight, it must've been late afternoon, and the others were still asleep.
I had dreamt last night, I never dreamt. But last night I dreamt of gentle hands, and soft black hair. Soft hair in my face, and someone's arms around me.
The mattress I slept on was dirty, and the springs in it always gave me bruises and sore limbs the next morning.
I groaned and pulled myself upright, keeping the covers pulled tight. The room was damp, black mold spread from the corners, and the window had smashed before I got here. Gusto had ducktaped layers of cardboard to it, but it still made the room freezing.
I stole a cigarette from one of the girls, and threw on a jumper and trousers. Gusto gave us all clothes to wear outside work, never anything glamorous.
Fucking freezing. I thought after my brain fired up a bit. I crawled back under the covers to maintain some heat, then I noticed it had been snowing outside.
The flakes drifted down and stuck to the remaining glass pane, soaking through the edges of the cardboard. I used to love the snow, I think. Now, it was dangerous. When I had been out on the streets, I'd seen it kill people. They go from chittering, red nosed people to black limbed, solid corpses in a matter of minutes. I would wake up in their arms sometimes.
I was lucky.
I needed a hit.
I pulled on another jumper and my shoes, then crept down to the dressing room.
The clock on the wall read 3pm, and the club opened at 10. I had plenty of time.
The dressing room was a mess, as it always was on the weekends. So long as we were all ready on time to go out, Gusto didn't care what the backstage looked like.
But where the fuck is my makeup bag?
I dug through piles of feather boas, sequins, and leather, and still couldn't find it.
I was searching furiously now. My feet were cold, and that man's voice was still in my head. I could feel him shaking in my lap, could feel his eyes looking at me with that damn expression. It wasn't pity, it was understanding, it was the look of pure comfort.
I needed that hit. I didn't want to think, and the more I sobered up the more I could think. My stomach was twisting, when was the last time I ate?
And where was my bag?
I swore and kicked one of the chairs, and it crashed into the dressing table.
"Now, Cherub. You looking for something?"
My blood grew colder than it already was.
Gusto stood in the doorway, my make up bag dangling from his outstretched hand.
I didn't know what he was going to do, he should've been happy with me. The hairs on my neck stood up as he walked towards me through the mess.
"Don't worry little Cherub, I got you a special gift, for doing so well last night."
He gave me the bag, and started rubbing my shoulder with what I thought resembled affection.
"Hmm? No thank you for your Gusto?"
"...thanks." I tried not to stammer.
He grinned a toothless grin, and put his hand to my face.
I was shaking now. He wasn't going to beat me, but I didn't know what else he would do. He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, ran his hands across my sweaty brow.
"I didn't think you had it in you, but you cleaned up last night, Cherry. Maybe it's all the dope, keeps you nice and loose, eh?"
He reached around and slapped my ass. I closed my eyes and tried to stop shaking.
He chuckled at that, and removed his hand.
"You'll like this stuff, it's good shit. I got it just for you. But remember I need you alive and kicking for tonight, you did good, but not that good."
He winked at me, slapped my ass once more, and was gone.
I nearly collapsed then and there, but instead my feet found their way upstairs.
Venus and Snowflake were awake, but they groaned at the noise I made furiously rooting to the bottom of my bag, and pulled the covers back over themselves.
I reached my tin, and inside, just as promised, there was a cling-filmed lump of what looked like pure Amber.
This was good shit, Gusto had given me a very special gift, just like he said.
My heart was racing and my hands were shaking as I unwrapped it.
"Jesus, Cheri. Can't you go in the bathroom or something? Some of us don't want this place to smell like an actual crack den." Venus groaned, as she woke up and dressed.
"It's not crack." I mumbled back, still marvelling at my precious gift.
I went to bathroom anyway, too excited to argue, and I set myself up.
It'd been a while since I had anything this pure, and for a second I considered saving it for a better occasion.
Then his face was in my mind again. That brow knitted in worry, he told me it was okay. I couldn't remember what we were talking about, but I remembered him telling me it was okay.
I needed that hit.
I tied up my arm, lit the spoon. And forgot everything else.
Liquid gold flowing through my veins.  My head felt clear as glass and everything around me was smooth as marble. I tilted my head back in pure ecstasy.
Fuck yes.
As soon as I was able, I took another hit.
There was a small, port like window high up in the bathroom, and I could see the snowflakes still falling.
I used to love snowflakes. Why did I ever stop?
I found myself floating down the stairs, leaving the mould crusted apartments behind me. I was really floating, watching my feet hover beneath me. I was dimly aware of hitting myself off the door frame, the wall, the stairwell, but each impact felt like a shoot of warmth on my skin, so I didn't mind. I felt my head touch the floor, just before I reached the door to the outside, to the snowflakes. Did I trip? I must've, there was blood coming out of my nose and my ears were ringing. But I didn't feel it. I crawled back up the wall and to my feet, which felt difficult, why was this so difficult?
I heard something echoing down the hall to me. It was Gusto, laughing.
That was all the fire I needed, and without needing to think about it I was flying again. Out the door, and burst into the cold snow.
God it was cold, and bright. So, so bright. I had to shield my eyes with my arms to stop it from burning.
But still, I could hear Gusto laughing. I didn't want to look around, didn't want to see him standing there. So I ran. I ran and then I flew. Through the snowflakes that were falling all around me, falling into my hair and onto my face.
I laughed as I ran.
I felt like an angel. A real angel, not just a cherub. A real angel with real wings as white as the snow, and as clear as the wind that howled down the streets with me.
I ran and I ran until my lungs felt like they would explode, then I found a snowdrift on a streetcorner as tall as me, and fell into it. It felt like a bed of feathers and cloud. I laughed some more, spread my arms and legs wide and felt the snow sink into me.
A snow angel.
That's what this was called, that's what I was. A real life snow angel.
I looked up to the great white clouds, and caught the snowflakes on the tip of my tongue.
They were so beautiful. So sweet, and so pure. I didn't want to do anything ever again, but lay and watch them fall ontop of me. They settled on my arms and legs, until it looked like I was blending into the snowdrift.
Melting, just like the snow.
This is nice.
I didn't feel the cold seep up from under me, didn't feel how wet my clothes were getting. All I felt was the snowflakes on my face, and my mind begin to drift away with those big white clouds.