My Guilty Pleasure

Chapter 2

Your pov:

Tick tock. Tick tock.
The class was silent. Too silent. Nothing but the occasional whirring of the fan and the ticking of the clock could be heard. Mrs Romanoff was sitting on her chair while stapling some papers together.

She had been here for about 4 days now. Our encounters have been short. Only a mere "hello" or a nod was exchanged between the both of us. Whenever I was around her, I couldn't talk. I didn't want to talk, because I feared that I'd end up saying something stupid.

I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the older woman. I feared that she'd think low of me. I don't know why but it's like I wanted her validation. Weird right? Right now, she had given us an essay to complete. She wanted to see where we were and in what level. I was almost done with my essay. I've always generally been a good writer. Sometimes I even thought of publishing my own book but well that wouldn't ever happen.

There was only fifteen more minutes of this lesson left. After this I would be heading to my next class with Mr Anderson. I went back to writing my essay until I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and saw one of the boys, Bradley passing me a note.

He nodded his head for me to open it and I frowned. I glanced up to see Mrs Romanoff's attention on the pile of papers in front of her so I opened the the note.

Go out with me. I cringed at the letter. Here's the thing, I'm not exactly out yet. Only my friends knew that I was into girls and you know sometimes I thought that this was just a "phase". But the moment you start picturing yourself with a hot woman bending you over? Yeah I don't think it's a phase anymore.

I know that being in the closet isn't alway the best thing but to me it's the safest thing ever.
There's this one saying I saw in a movie once "Once you say the words, you can't unsay them. A chapter has ended and a new one's begun. You have to be ready for it." I don't think I'm ready for it. To be seen as someone different. To be looked at by men, older judgmental women or even my peers or to be seen as a typical "lesbian". Not a person but a lesbian.

I might be overreacting here but coming out isn't necessarily the best option right now. That exhilarating feeling before you say the words comes with that feeling where everything dies down and you wait for anything, something to happen. And what guarantee is there that the thing is going to be good?

Anyways, as I glanced at the paper I turned to face Bradley, who had a sweet smile on his face. But I couldn't say yes. I'd be getting myself trapped into something I didn't want to be roped into. Sure he seemed like a nice guy but not for me. As I lifted my head from the paper, I hadn't noticed Mrs Romanoff behind me.

My eyes widened and she took the paper out of my hands. She then read it over before tearing it into half and throwing it into the bin. Harper glanced at me and I shrugged my shoulders.
"Is my class that boring that you'd rather read silly letters than write your essay y/n?"

"I uhm no I-" I glanced at Bradley who had his head down like he was working the whole time. Coward.
I shook my head and turned to face the redhead lady. She arched her brow before her heels clicked on the wooden floor. She made her way back to her seat, not without giving me one more glare.

Great. Thanks a lot Bradley.

___

"What happened in there?" Harper interlocks her arm with mine as we walk through the hallway.
"Bradley happened. He asked me out."
"Oh." Was all she said while turning her face to me.
"What did you say?"
"Couldn't say much when Romanoff grabbed the note out of my hand."

She shrugged her shoulders while we walked to our lockers.
"Anyways, doesn't matter. I was gonna say no either way so." I shrugged my shoulders and she hums. Once we get to our lockers, we place our things in our lockers and I say goodbye to her before I head to my next class.