Battered Wife

7

After several rings, my mother finally picked up the call. "Omolola, are you okay? Why are you calling so early in the morning?"

"Ekaaro ma, please can I talk to you alone? It's about Remi."

"Okay, wait a minute. Let me move to the kitchen so we can talk privately."

I listened as she opened and shut several doors and heard her sigh as she sat on a stool in the kitchen.

"Mama, Remi is cheating on me again. I want to divorce him." The words burst out of me.

I wished I had made a video call on Whatsapp rather than a phone call when silence ensued after I spoke.

"Mama?" I asked, after several seconds of silence.

My mother sighed and said, "Lola...first tell me what happened."

Then I explained everything that happened the day before and tonight. "Mama, they no longer respect me. Everyone was just looking at me with mocking eyes and Remi had the guts to not just invite Busayo to this burial but to also sleep with her at a motel close to their family house..."

"Omo mi, I understand your fear, ehn, but divorce is not the answer o. You can't be saying divorce, divorce, divorce, every time something bad happens. Don't you know the meaning of for better for worse?"

"Mama, why are you talking like this now? For better for worse with a man who cheats serially, doesn't regard me as anything important with a bitter, cruel witch of a mother. Am I going to continue living in misery for the rest of my life ni? Let's even forget about me, this environment is stifling for Adesewa too. My mother-in-law is always making snide comments about her and to her, just because I bore a girl rather than the grandson she wanted. Remi has never once sat with his daughter to play with her or talk to her, other than sending her away from our room to her room. When she sees both of them, she starts shaking and wants to run to her room. How can I allow my only daughter to keep living like this."

"I've already told you that the only way to solidify your position in that family is to bear a son. Once you have a son, everyone will have to treat you respectfully." My mother insisted.

I took a deep breath and released it, over and over again, until I felt somewhat calm. "Mama, are you not listening to me? That man cheats every chance he gets. I'm sure there are several other women he's cheated with that I don't know about. How can I sleep with such a disgusting pig?"

"Wait, Lola, don't tell me you've been depriving him. Are you not fulfilling your duties as his wife? How do you expect him not to cheat when you're not giving him what he needs?"

"Mama, why do you keep pushing the fault to me now?" I finally burst into tears, unable to take it anymore. "Was I not still sleeping with him when I caught him sleeping with his secretary? Why did he cheat then now? He told me...I asked him when he proposed if he could be faithful and he said yes. He used his own mouth to tell me he could be faithful. He promised me he would never cheat on me, yet just after a year or so of marriage, he was already cheating."

My mother sighed, "Lola, I'm not blaming you. It's just that...this is how men are. I can't count how many women your father has cheated on me with. As his wife, all I can do is ignore it and pretend I can't see?"

"Pretend until I get an STD? Or HIV?"

"Lola, calm down. See, all this men, in their youth, one woman cannot satisfy them so they sleep with several women at the same time. But one day, it will all end. They will get tired and you as the wife at home become the final winner. Soon, Remi will not have time for all those other women. Your father cheated once too but look at him now, has he not been faithful all these while?"

"Mama, it's not the same thing. Papa made a mistake and that woman definitely used Juju to take Papa away from us but since that time, has he not stayed faithful to you? Why do I have to be married to a man who has no self-control sleeping around with anything that walks in a skirt like a whore and can only gain self-control after sleeping around?" I complained, staring sullenly at my phone.

"Ah, Lola! Is it your husband you're saying is a whore and has no self-control?"

I wanted to say yes but I remembered my upbringing which made me realize that I had exposed how I felt about my husband to my very traditional mother.

We were both quiet for a few seconds.

"Mama, Remi is different from Papa. Even when Papa was almost enticed by that woman, he still loved me and my brother but Remi doesn't seem to have any affections for Adesewa. He and his mother...their behavior...sometimes makes me worried about what would happen to my daughter if anything happened to me."

"That's why you need a son, Lola. He's your insurance. Not all families can be like ours where we treat all children equally. In some families, a woman is not a full member of the family until she bears a son. Do you remember your aunt's naming ceremony for her son twelve years ago. Before she had that boy, she went through what you're going through now but now everything is okay, isn't it? Just bear a son and your mother-in-law will have no choice but to accept you."

"She didn't seem to like me from the onset. I just kind of ignored her rude questions when I met her and tried to please her even though she was always seeking faults and pointing down at me because I grew up in the village." I said, scratching at the itching part of my cornrows.

"Lola, let me tell you the truth. You want to divorce for Adesewa but the chances that you'll be able to still hold onto your daughter after she you divorce Remi are slim. Your husband's family will never allow you to take a child of their family with you when you leave. Your only option right now, is to have a son and find a way to hold onto the tatters of your marriage."

"What if I take Remi to court? Can I still hold onto Adesewa's custody?"

"Lola, I don't know about that one o. But as you're insisting on this divorce, divorce...have you wondered what people would think about you? After only five years of marriage, you're divorced. Have you thought about the stigma of being a divorced single mother? What man will marry you? How will you cater for Adesewa's needs alone?"

"Mama, this is the 21st century, there are many divorced single mothers in Nigeria and they're living. I'm sure I can manage." I said.

"Lola...Nigeria has not advanced as much as you think o. I heard of a divorced woman from our neighbor whose new husband's family rejected her when they found out she had a daughter for another man and was responsible for raising her alone."

"Well, I don't need to remarry then. The man will just pretend like Remi when he wants to marry me and then treat me anyhow after marriage, anyway." I said, petulantly.

"Lola, this is not just about you! Think of Adesewa, how will she be treated at school when world of the divorce comes through? What about us here? I will probably be shunned in church because of you, you know I'm trying to become a deaconess now and your dad just became a deacon in the church."

She was right because I knew of a woman in my own church who was shunned and talked down to several times because she was a single mother.

Despair fell over me as I finally realized what a mistake marrying Remi was. It was so painful to think that I might have to be stuck to Remi and his mother for the rest of my life.

Thinking that I would have to sleep with Remi to get a son out of him, also left a sour taste in my mouth.

"Lola, just think about it. Don't make any hasty decisions, okay?"

"Okay ma."