staring down the sun

[24] all the words to what's unspoken

"I trust you."

From the look on Connor's face, those three words meant everything. If only Elena could've said the words that still pulled at her heart, something deep left unspoken.

Not now.

She blinks, pushing that moment aside as Johnny Beck thumbs through a file folder. The air inside Saint Christopher's feels both familiar and foreign. She glances over at the confessional booth, remembering that day Smecker came back from the dead and asked her to help the MacManus brothers. He stopped short of saying, "The Saints are calling you." For a while, it started to feel like that, a calling, but not for the reasons she expected.

"How can ye be sure?" Murphy asks the New York cop, referring to Obsidian's involvement with the fire at Saint Agnes.

"Because they sent this message as confirmation," Beck explains, pulling out a torn piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to the twins.

Connor's eyebrows pinch together as he reads the cop's handwriting aloud. "We will not remain in darkness. Our time has come to punish those who threaten our vision, our purpose. We will control our destiny."

An unnerving chill runs down Elena's spine. She locks her eyes with Connor's, desperately trying to hold onto what little faith she has left in this world. He had expressed his concern back at the motel room in New York, that he wasn't sure if they could trust Beck to help. But despite everything, Elena knew one thing: she trusted Connor. She trusted whatever decision he'd make, him and his brother both.

She observes the three men discussing how to catch the Obsidian agents responsible for the fire. Beck mentions a meet-up planned in Boston, and that there's a rumor that some Russian oligarch might be involved. Connor looks for Elena's reaction, worry washing over his features. But Nikolai is dead, while the rest are rotting in prison, so she has no reason to worry about the Russians anymore.

"What are ye going to do?" Connor asks Beck cautiously.

The cop twists his mouth into a nervous smile. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to destroy these sons-of-bitches." He rubs at his jaw, then extends his hand to Connor. "You all be careful out there."

Connor accepts the gesture of goodwill. "Aye. Ye as well."

Beck shakes hands with Murphy, then hesitates when he looks at Elena, a strange uncertainty on his face. He opens his mouth, clearly struggling to form something to say. Elena drops her shoulders, her eyes softening as his voice strains quietly. "I'm so sorry."

Swallowing, she mutters, "Me too." As she shifts her weight and crosses her arms over her chest, she tense up again, not out of anger but out of sheer defeat. Even if they can take out the men responsible, it won't fix anything. They can't change what's already been done. But they can keep it from happening again. Hopefully.

As Beck leaves, Murphy and Connor share a look and then turn back to Elena. "Ye alright, lass?" Murphy asks, his brow furrowed just enough to show concern.

She rubs her hand along her arm, not sure how to answer because the truth is that she is and she isn't. "I will be," she offers calmly.

"Elena..." The way Connor says her name still causes her pupils to dilate despite everything that's been happening. "Ye don't have to do this. Murph and I will take care of it."

She knows he's not trying to push her away. But she wants to ensure they're safe, that nothing else will break her heart. Especially since she's still hanging on to those moments with Connor...those moments had and those moments still to be.

Suddenly, a hand grabs a hold of Elena's hair at the back of her head, pulling her hard. She yelps out in pain as she grabs at the hand and struggles to break free. But a gun is pressed to her neck, and Connor and Murphy both freeze, afraid to make any sudden movements.