Cataclysm//NCT Dream TUA Au

four

Donghyuck and guilt are old friends. With his addiction it's the easiest emotion to feel. He started drinking young-maybe twelve at the oldest. He'd hated the taste at first and spat the entire mouthful he'd stolen from his dad back out. He'd complained to Jaemin about the taste, the least likely to tattle on him, as the other boy rolled his eyes.

"Why would you do that, Hyuckie?" He'd demanded. Donghyuck had pouted at him for not being on his side even though Jaemin very rarely was back then. The problem has always been this: Jaemin and Donghyuck have the same vices, the same problems, the same habits.

They're so similar it drives them up the wall. When they're bitter and angry and the only thing they can do is hurt they spit the same poison words. When they look around and see the holes of the people they're missing they drown it out: Donghyuck by drinking and Jaemin by throwing his all into caring for his brothers. As kids they fought constantly unable to see a mirror image of their greatest flaws thrown in their faces.

As they grew up and mellowed out they pulled apart: not fighting constantly but barely interacting at all anymore. There would be months of their early lives when they didn't speak to each other at all. It wasn't until Renjun left that they got close.

The others got what it was like to lose a sibling: understood the aching feeling taking place in your chest, the sadness that physically took your breath away, and the despair that encompasses your entire being, but no one got how Donghyuck felt like Jaemin did because on top of all those crushing emotions one had shown through-rage.

Donghyuck would spend hours in the training room screaming wordlessly as he attacked dummies and everything else. He'd have to be dragged out by both Mark and Jeno combined with tears on his cheeks and blood on his knuckles. They didn't understand how it felt but Jaemin did.

Jaemin who would spend hours at a time cooking until his wrist was so stiff he couldn't move it properly, Jaemin who punched holes into his bedroom walls where the others couldn't see, and Jaemin who would spar with Donghyuck with nothing fueling them but pure rage.

The others were devastated Renjun had left.

Jaemin and Donghyuck were furious. It was the first time in their lives they found comfort in being so similar. Through blood, sweat, and tears their relationship grew.

After Renjun left Jaemin was the one who found Donghyuck puking up all the alcohol he'd downed that night in a desperate attempt to quiet the ghosts who tormented him. Jaemin was the one who'd carried him to their mom and helped treat Donghyuck's alcohol poisoning.

Jaemin was the only brother who could look Donghyuck in the eyes, drunk or sober, and call him out on his bullshit without getting lit aflame by the fire Donghyuck would spit back.

Donghyuck feels guilty for his words to Jeno in a way he'd never feel like towards Jaemin. He sobers up because of it and catches both his brother's features softening. He tries to ignore the ache in his heart and the grating voice of Mark in his ears.

Unfortunately due to having stopped drinking and all the food Jaemin has shoved into him Donghyuck is completely sober dealing with the fallout of Renjun returning. It doesn't take long for Jisung's sobs to work him into an unruly sleep, but Jaemin doesn't move even though Donghyuck knows he'd like to explode: can tell it in the biting of his lip and the shaking of his hands. He nudges Jeno until the boy gets the hint and gathers Jisung carefully into his arms.

Jisung used to fit in Jeno's arms much better than he does now, and Donhyuck's heart twinges as he takes in the growing his brother did without him around. Chenle stands up then too resolutely ignoring the tears in his eyes. "I'm going to play for a bit," he says shakily. Donghyuck watches Mark's face fall a little.