I can't live without you...

(JUST SAYING THIS IS VERY DEPRESSING AND DARK!)

It had been three weeks sense Mark had died it has hurt me allot what hurt more was still trying to be myself after losing him I regretted not telling him how I felt sooner "okay guys! I'll see you later!" I told my camera with the brightest yet fakest smile I had I turned the recording off leaning back in my chair staring at my computer I shook my head looking over at my bed on it laid the sweater marks mother let me keep I have worn it every day the rare times I get out of the house of course tears brimmed my eyes "damn it Jack! Stop crying!" I told myself angry no I didn't have anger issues I just got frustrated over how much I cried my friends well marks friends and Felix have been trying to talk with me for three weeks but I refused to do videos or speak with them because I knew they just wanted to talk about Mark I glanced at my computer as my skype was going off it was Wade I took a breath rubbed away the tears on my eyes and answered Wade have a bright smile "hey buddy!" He said you could hear how hoarse his voice was and his eyes were red from what looked like crying but I didn't mention it "hey..." My voice was also hoarse "no one has heard from you in weeks...and we were going to record drunk minecraft...but..." He trailed off looking away his smile fading "it's not the same..." I finished his sentence "look Sean...we all are here for you...and we are just as upset...marks mom told us about how you held marks hand...how you kissed Mark..." Wade spoke I listened but didn't care what he thought about my feelings for Mark "I miss him..." I mumbled my eyes tearing up "we all do...Sean?...would you like to come down here? Me you Bob and the group can go visit marks grave...that's if you any too" I almost sobbed I was there for mark's funeral that was bad and I hadn't been to LA sense I shook my head "I have to go Wade" I hung up before Wade could answer I began to cry hard shaking my head not wanting to live without Mark not wanting to live at all I took a breath and turned my camera on "top'a the mornin' to ya!" I said my voice depressing I didn't even try to hide it "well...I have been through enough torture...without Mark...I can't go on...I'm going to say this now...I loved Mark! I loved him more than anything! And without him I'm nothing! And I truly can't go on! I'm so...sorry...bye guys!" I said stopping the recording I didn't edit out anything even if I was crying hard I posted it and within minutes I got comments but I didn't read them I placed my phone on the desk and walked into my closest and grabbed a small hand gun it was loaded tears rolled down my face "I'm sorry...Mark...I love you...i can't stand to be without you!" I said to nothing I cocked the gun pressing it to my temple shutting my eyes tight "one shot...it'll end...this suffering will stop...and I can be with Mark..." I told myself as I sobbed I opened my eyes looking at my bed marks hoodie laid there I went over grabbing it pulling it close I took a deep breath soaking in marks faint scent that was on it tears still flooded down my face my skype began to ring it was Wade I didn't answer I watched as it told me I missed a call and the chat piped up "JACK! PLEASE ANSWER! COME ON! YOURE SCARING US BUDDY!" He seemed frantic only making me cry harder I went over typing this "Wade...I'm sorry it had to end this way...don't drive Bob insane and tell everyone I enjoyed being with them and you just know I'll be with Mark! You want me happy? Well I will be..." I sent it Wade answered back in caps and fast but I didn't look at it I turned off my computer sitting on the bed clenching the jacket in my hand I looked at the gun in my hand "I'll be with you Mark...and we will be happy..." I whispered pressing the gun to my temple and pulled the trigger I heard the very loud boom and everything went black and when I opened my eyes Mark stood there he was crying he was shaking his head I ran into his arms "MARK!" I yelled he hugged me "Jack...I saw what you did...Jack..." I didn't listen to him complain I was happy to be in his arms again I pressed my lips hard to his he shut up real quick and kissed me back