Please, release me ✩ Dazai X Reader

Chapter 11

It's been a few days since you've been able to decide for yourself for the first time in years, which made the decision all the more difficult to make, so now you're second-guessing your answer. But in the end, you are down this path because of your choice, and there is no going back now.

Dr Yosano had just left the room after confirming that you had returned to complete health, and you stood at the window taking in the scenery once last time. Opening the door, you walk into the main room of the Agency, where you notice Kunikida frowning at this watch, which usually means Dazai is skipping work. "I see you have fully recovered, L/N," he comments, quickly writing something into his notebook. "I'm sorry to ask this of this, seeing as you have just recovered, but could I trouble you to see if that waste of bandages is hiding at home?" he asks, swiftly but efficiently signing some of the documents on his desk. "Of course," you respond, which results in him looking at you surprised before composing himself. "Ahem, thank you," he replies before rushing to a ringing phone: most likely another job. It seems Kunikida was taken aback by your sudden ability to talk once more, not that it matters; pity won't help you achieve what you need to do. "W-wait, L/N-san!" you hear Atsushi call out your name, making you turn around to see what he wants. "I-I heard what happened, are you okay?" he asks with concern over his face. You nod in response, but seeing that expression of genuine concern makes you want to give him a proper response. After all, over these last few days in the Agency, you had been trying to formulate complete sentences which bore some fruits. "I'm able to talk somewhat," you tell him before your voice cuts off, but you refuse to give up. "I miss Tanaka...he was like a father to me, but..." you add, yet begin to trail off, averting your gaze elsewhere. Despite losing him, you still didn't know how to feel about it; are you supposed to be upset or bitter about the secrets and lies you still aren't sure about. "Life goes on, and he would want me to keep moving," you answer, finally looking him in the eyes. "It's alright to stop and slow down...I should know-" Atsushi replies, but Kunikida cuts him off. "Get back to work, Kid; we're busy enough with that idiot missing!" Kunikida yells as he slams the Agency phone down. "R-right!" he answers, racing to his desk to complete his piling work.

Exiting the Agency building, the fresh air softly blows past your face, and the sunshine feels warm on your skin. It was strange, considering what happened to you not long ago; you were enjoying the weather a little too much, but after feeling as if chains were dragging you down no matter where you went, it felt nice to have a little less weight on your shoulders. The intense smell of coffee filled your nostrils as you walked past the cafe a few floors underneath the Agency, and despite the strong smell, it didn't feel too overwhelming for once. You wanted to take it in for a few moments, enjoying the simple things of the outdoors, because if something happened after your decision, you would regret ignoring it all. Finally, it was time to move on; your destination was evident; however, whether he would be there is unclear.

Until, at last, you arrive just outside the apartments owned by the Agency, and with each step towards the second floor, your nervousness increases. Now here you are, in front of the apartment and freezing suddenly, not knowing what to do; as much as you tried to steel yourself, it still wasn't enough. It takes a great deal of time, but you finally move; although it takes a while, you finally notice the door is slightly open. Hesitating some more, you lift your hand to push the door and take a deep breath to face the demon before eventually opening the door fully and stepping inside. You quietly close the door and walk through the entrance into the living room, where you see the male sitting down, facing away from you, fixing up the bandages on his left arm. "You didn't have a key so I left the door open for you," he states as he continues to re-wrap some of the bandages. Despite having made this decision, you still could not go against him. While your speech had returned to almost the point of being able to keep small conversations, you had also regained emotions you hadn't felt in so long, like fear. The door might have been unlocked and just a few steps behind you, but you felt trapped and incapable of moving. His gaze and focus were elsewhere, which helped with the anxiety and panic somewhat, but the demon was still in front of you, and he terrified you. "Don't you want to know what happened to Tanaka?" he asks, seizing your attention. "Or will you just stand there?" he adds, which strikes a nerve, causing you to storm towards him, resulting in him turning around towards you. However, before you knew it, there he was, lying on the floor with you sitting atop him, grabbing onto his collar with both hands, causing his head to be lifted up from the ground. You weren't the kind of person to rush in blinded by anger, but Tanaka's name caused some hidden emotions to arise, ones you had unintentionally ignored. You wanted to scream at him, but the words never came to mind; even amidst all the fury, you didn't know what to say. However, due to your rage, you had failed to notice that he simply lay there showing no signs of resistance, making no effort to get the upper hand on you. "Wow, how bold~" he taunts, which causes you to punch him in the face several times; he had done so much to you that he only deserves so much more than a few punches. "You might have everyone fooled but I know what kind of demon you are!" you yell at him, panting out of breath as you stop hitting him, starting to feel lightheaded. Before you knew it, he had grabbed both of your wrists, "You haven't recovered yet-" he states as your body gives in, and you start to fall backwards, but he catches you before you hit the ground. "Let me go-" you demand, weakly glaring at him, but your body betrays you. He lays you atop a futon, the same one you've been using since Dazai got you to move in, and he sits beside a low round table near you. "That really hurt you know," he whines as if he were a child, finally going back to fixing up his bandages as it's come undone. The both of you sit in silence as you catch your breath, and he finishes tightening up his bandages until finally you sit up, glaring at him like a defiant animal who has just been defeated. Dazai holds out his hand as if waiting for a handshake, "I'm surprised, you want me dead, despite that here you are asking my help to investigate Tanaka, but I want something in return," he tells you as he continues to keep his hand out for you. "My ability?" you ask, returning to your more timid self in front of him. "Join the Agency and in return I'll help you," he responds, which surprises you. While it still involves using your ability, it would at least mean it would be used to help those in need rather than to kill or torture them. "Alright-" you hesitantly respond, grabbing his hand and shaking on it.

While unhappy, you did what you had decided on and made a deal with the devil himself.

After agreeing to that deal with Dazai, he up and left, telling you that he was going to the Agency and you should do what you wanted for the next couple of hours. Saying you were surprised how it turned out would certainly be an understatement. Despite grasping onto a little more freedom, it seemed you still needed the green light from Dazai at times. However, even after he told you to do what you wanted, you didn't know what to do; it felt strange having complete freedom on what you did to the point you're indecisive about it. After a long pause of standing around, you finally settled on taking a shower; after all, you had been in one of the Agency's hospital beds for a while. Even after getting ready for a shower, you stood there in front of the running water; surely you would be fine just taking a shower, but then again, you were still in the home of that demon. You were unsure about getting undressed for the shower as it would mean being vulnerable in the place Dazai calls home again. While it took some time, you just went for it and tried to shower quickly. Before you knew it, you were in a new set of clothes and sat at the low table sitting on your legs. It seemed old habits die hard as you sat there waiting; despite knowing the front door was unlocked and nothing was physically preventing you from walking outside, you waited.

You enjoyed a long silence until a soft knocking came at the door before it opened, and Kyouka walked in; out of all the Agency members you thought would come knocking at Dazai's apartment, she was not one of them. You first met her at the Agency's Christmas party; she isn't very talkative and usually hangs around Atsushi, but here she was alone. "Atsushi, was worried," she states, remaining in the doorway; you were definitely surprised. "I'll come to the Agency," you respond, getting up and walking towards her.

The both of you walk towards the Agency in silence, not that the silence bothers you; it is better than forcing a conversation. However, that changes when Kyouka suddenly tugs on your jacket's sleeve to grab your attention. "Crepes," she states, pointing towards the nearby crepe stall, and you had to admit it did smell tasty. If you had no choice about joining the Agency, you could at least indulge your future co-worker and get along with her. After buying a crepe each, you notice a limited edition ramune drink, the same marble drink you often noticed Ranpo drinking, which you also purchased. "Thank you..." she quietly thanked you before biting into the crepe she picked.

It wasn't long after you had finished your crepes that you arrived at the Agency following Kyouka; you both walk inside, where several Agency members are discussing something, until Ranpo interrupts. "Gimme!" he yells at you, clearly knowing about the drink you bought for him, so you walk over and pass him the marble bottle. "Ahem, Y/N, could I trouble you to-," Kunikida tries to talk to you, but Dazai interrupts as usual. "We're playing draw the short stick!" Dazai exclaims as Kunikida sighs in annoyance before throwing Dazai over his shoulder. "AS I WAS SAYING, would you pick one of the remaining three sticks; this is to decide something," he explains as he holds out his fist, which had three sticks sticking out, both of them looking the same size. However, you noticed names engraved into each: Kenji on the left, Kunikida in the middle, and Atsushi on the right.

Which one do you grab?

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As you might have noticed dear readers since chapter 10, you as readers will have a choice at the end of each chapter which will determine which path Y/N (you) will take. Y/N (you) have never been able to make decisions for yourselves for various reasons which is why with this newfound freedom there are now options to vote on. However, remember you may not always receive a choice in life.