Cold,Cold Heart (The Joker Story)

Jack Napier

   A man once confessed to me "I have loved to the point of madness, that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love.". I never understood what he meant until I met one person. Who showed me that the only sensible way to live is without rules and that love indeed was a game with no rules. We cannot decide with whom to fall in love with, we can learn to ignore the feelings and it will drive us mad, mad because we cannot control them.
  If someone told me few months ago that I will understand what it is to love someone to the point of madness, I would take it as a joke. Why? It's pretty simple. You see, I am a freak performer at the Gotham's circus. A place which all mutants call home. I was presented as an exotic beauty, but in my eyes I was a freak who has wings on her back.
  I've never been out the circus, which made me in a way cold and dismissive. My acting never required speaking, I just had to stand still in my little cabin, while people were gathering around to see my wings. They thought of me as an angel and were coming to me, sharing their deepest secrets, hoping that somehow I will help them with their fears and hopes. I did listen to them, but I was not an angel. I have no memory of my past and I sometimes found myself in front of the mirror pulling out feathers from my wings. It was painful and in the end I gave up on trying to become like all the other girls.
  Years passed one by one until one day a very strange man came at the circus. I became a huge interest to him. He was coming every week, telling me all kind of stories and jokes.But putting aside his jokes and stories of how he got his scars, I actually didn't know anything about that man.
   One day I decided to speak to him. He was telling me jokes and stories, but when he saw that I wasn't paying that much of attention his smile disappeared.

"What is it, angel? You no longer find me entertaining?"
I looked into his green-brown eyes and took a deep breath.
"What is your name?"
He grinned when he heard my question. It was the first time I spoke to him.
"I have many names, doll. Which one do you want to know?"
"The real one." If he even knew which one was his real one.
"Jack, Jack Napier." His smile grew wider. "And what is yours?"
"Claire..." We stared at each other for a while, until I gathered the strength to ask him the question I've always wanted. "Jack... May I ask which one from all the stories about you is the real one?"
"Curious little thing, are you?" He laughed, but when he saw I that I waited for his answer he sighed."I... I'm not exactly sure what it was that happened to me, that made me who I am today. I remember it one way, sometimes another..." he licked his lips and spoke again. "If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!" He laughed it out loud.
I opened my mouth to speak but he continued, I guess he had the need to finally tell the truth about how he felt about himself.
"But my point is..."He again licked his lips. "My point is, I went crazy." His lips smacked when he said the last word. "When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as coot! I admit it!"
I've noticed before that he had a tic to stick his tongue out while speaking. But this time it was a lot more pronounced. And this time he did it in an almost nervous way.
"I am sorry." My voice was full of guilt.
Who knew what he went thru. Getting such scars may drive you insane. At this moment I felt happy that I did not knew anything of my past, maybe it was a dark one too, who knew. And now a man was standing in front of me, only the glass of my cabin separating us, and he wished to have a multiple choice of his past because he simply wanted to run away from it, or that's what I thought.
He stared at me blankly for few minutes and it made me feel uneasy.
I placed my hand on the glass, showing him that I wanted to touch him, to ease the pain. In a second he placed his hand on the other side of the glass towards mine, we exchanged weak smiles and in few seconds we moved our hands away.
"Do you want to stay in here, angel?" He asked with a grin playing on his face.
I shook my head in response and his grin grew wider.
"I will come to get you next week." He licked his lip before he continued. "Wait here when the circus lights come off." He looked around to be sure no one was around. "Now you be a good girl and don't tell anyone."
"How will I know you won't sell me to someone?" I asked coldly.
"I am a man of my word." He said in a deep voice and walked away, leaving me with so many questions in my head.