Where Your Loyalties Lie - {Severus Snape x Reader}

-124-

Harry and I are staring at each other in silence. He looks determined. Unlike me, who is completely stunned. Can't believe what he just told me to do. Did he just..- "Go on. Let's get it over with." he takes two determined steps towards me and I instinctively take couple steps back. "Are you mad? I'm not going to..-", "We have no time to waste, Professor!" he snaps. My body freeze for a second. As we keep the eye contact, I can see the mix of desperation in his eyes. What's the right thing to do here? The fact it did across my mind back at the Ministry... The fact I'm ready to do anything it takes to let Severus free... But with what cost? Killing a boy? My head starts to shake on its own:"...Do you understand what you are asking me to do here, Harry?". "To free everybody. To stop the suffering. It's all happening because of me. Please, (Y/N)..-" he again comes closer.

I look away and start avoiding him by going around the sofa and the coffee table:"No! This is NOT the way..- W-we should wait for Sever..-", "THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING, (Y/N)!" his stern scream echoes around the room. I once again freeze and lift my gaze up to him. I'm so torn. Like he said, there are innocent people suffering around us as we stand here. But... The image of Severus and I walking down the streets as free people... Us holding hands while smiling at each other... Him smiling. Being genuinely happy. It seems to far away. Impossible even, at this point. Is this really what it takes..? To have that. Can I live with the guilt rest of my life? Harry sees the hesitation in me and speaks now a lot softer tone:"Please.". My heart starts beating faster and eyes getting glossy. "The longer we continue this, more innocent people will loose their lives." he tries to reason. Harry...

After the small of a pause of silence, as the fade sounds of the war echoes somewhere in the distance, I give him a slight nod:"Alright then. I'll do it.". Harry purses his lips and nods back:"Thank you, (Y/N).". I then close my eyes for a moment to focus. After all, I need to mean it to be able to make it work. Harry stares at me the whole time. Waiting for me to prepare myself. Heart beating fast. Hands sweating. It's like there is this war inside my head. No, (Y/N). You can't stop right now. You haveto do this! Just do it!!! Think about all those people who you care and love. Do it for them! Thoughts of saving all those people. Including Remus, Tonks, Neville, Sirius... Everybody. Severus. The touch around the wand tightens as I take better grip on it, raising the courage to open the eyes and make this all real. Harry sees I'm getting ready and shifts his balance a bit:"I'm ready whenever you are.".

Soon after, I open my (e/c) eyes and stare right at the young boy in front of me. Then, I take a deep inhale thru the nose and raise the wand at him. Harry puts his hands into a tight fists, getting ready to see the flash of the green light and feel absolutely nothing after that. Just when I get my thoughts in order and the courage to finally cast the Unforgivable Curse, the memory from the past flashes by. The moment when I Obliviated Edward. 'Do it.' Harold's fade voice echoes, like he would be standing right behind me, close to my ear. Just the way he did back then... No. The wand in my hand starts to shake. Bartemius's voice as Mad-eye follows right after. 'Did you ever feel the desire to use it?' I shut eyes tight and shook my head to try to refocus. Harry is pretty much the same age as he was back then... Back when..- 'BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE THEM!!!' my own voice echoes inside my head and my eyes shoots wide open.

"No!" I drag the wand down and turn away from the boy. "Huh?" Harry opens his eyes surprised. "I can't do it! I just..- I just can't!" I yell while keeping the head down. "(Y/N)..." the boy doesn't know what to do. And I don't blame him. Neither do I. "Just... Give me a minute." is all I can blur out at this point. I can't stop shaking. All of this is too much for me. I can't look at him - nor anyone that matter. Guess I'm trying to deal with some small of a panic attack that is visiting in my whole body. I need Severus. I need..- The door to the chamber swings open and both of our heads snaps right at the direction. "Found them." Bartemius smirks pleased, Bellatrix being beside him, giggling in her witchy way. What?! Right after, the twins peeks behind them as well. They are also smiling pleased. Shit!