22. Horrible

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(Y'all I'm so sorry for such a short chapter and such a long wait, my computer broke and my life's been hectic. I also started a new story, let me know if ud b interest in reading to know if it's worth publishing. Anyway I'll hopefully get the next part out sooner love y'all for being way too patient with me)

My heartbeat thrummed in my ears. I felt such a thrill in my bones that I hadn't felt in years. There were butterflies in my skin, as if there was an energy pulsing out of myself.

I had won. Not because I had to, because of this insurmountable pressure ensuring I did, but because I had chosen to. Fought for only myself. It felt... good.

I slowly began to emerge up the steps when I felt a hand grab my wrist. I instantly pulled, back nearly tripping as I did so, expecting to look at my father, angered and terrifying. I braced myself for his words, or his action. But neither came.

Instead I found Kaminari looking at me with a strange expression. His eyes were squinted together and his mouth partly open, eyebrows folded together.

"Yae- or um- Todoroki?" I could feel the hesitance in his voice, and didn't expect the sting from something as simple as my last name. "Look I'm sorry if I'm invading your boundaries, and I understand we aren't friends anymore- or maybe we never were- but well, thank you."

I blinked, my brain stalling on us never having been friends, before I comprehended the rest of what he had said. "Why are you thanking me?"

"Well, I know I talk a big game, but we both know you could have beaten me without any effort. It could've ended in only a few seconds. But for some reason you actually let me fight. So thank you."

He smiled. I wasn't used to that. People smiling at me. But I used to be, I used to be so accustomed to it that I expected it. I'd almost forgotten how good it felt.

But the realization was soon followed by a painful twist in my stomach.

"I didn't mean to make you think we were friends."

I'd said that. And I'd meant it. But was that still true? Would my father care, would he still control me as he once had. If I wasn't his prodigy perhaps I could be free of the same restrictions, the same bindings I was once held to.

"I-"

"I know you probably don't want to talk, so I'll leave you alone," he replied, walking away.

"No wait-" I said at the same time I heard a familiar rough voice say, "Ghost face."

Kaminari either hadn't heard me or didn't care as he was already out of the tunnel and heading towards the stands that held our other classmates.

I turned begrudgingly towards the blonde who had called my name. He stared back at me with narrowed eyes.

"Listen Ghost Face, there's been a lot of declarations of war today made to the wrong people. I'm a real threat- yah hear me? So you'd better fucking bring it. None of this bullshit about failing."

I blinked, "What war?"

He gave me a strange look, eyebrows drawn high, one of his eyes more squinted than the other and his mouth slightly parted.

"Was that all you heard dumbass?!" he shouted back. "Just don't fuck around and gimme your all! Got that?!"

I felt almost like he was a drill sergeant giving me orders. But upon hearing his words I felt a touch confused. Why would he want me to fight so hard? He loved winning. It was clear from the moment I met him. And he would be sure to win if I let him.

"Why?"

"Just don't be an idiot. You got that fuck for brains?"

I decided to ignore the last part, instead nodding. He grumbled something under his breath afterwards and stomped off into a waiting room.

I was alone.

I took a long moment to breathe, looking over my shoulder, expecting to see my father there, and almost surprised when he wasn't. Slowly, I made my way towards the stands, my ees searching for the man's but in the time it took me to leave the stadium he had vanished from his seat.

At first I was relieved to not see his anger, but upon further thought I realized he would be looking for me. He would be furious. And I wondered briefly if this time I would get away alive.

My legs moved quickly as I made my way towards the stands. The excitement in my veins from before turned into a shivering anxiety.

My breathing was shallow. I felt as though the world was swallowing me whole. For one lovely second I had convinced myself that perhaps I had been dreaming, but when I pinched my skin it stung.

I kept pinching myself as I moved to hide in the back row of where my classmates were, in a corner of the booth. Wondering dimly if he would make such a scene if others were around to watch.

I prayed he wouldn't.

"Yae!" I turned at the mention of my name to meet eyes with Ashido, watching as she bounced in her seat, wearing a wild grin. "You were so badass!"

'Was that a compliment?' I wondered, giving her a puzzled look.

"I mean Kaminari was all boom and kachow but you just really went boosh and wham!"

I blinked, feeling as if eyes were on me, but attempting to remain in the present, listening to what she was saying.

"Thank you," 'I think' I added in my head.

I felt light headed, and wanted to crumble on the, but simultaneously I was so terrified I figured I could run a hundred miles and not get tired. As the match between the red headed boy in my class and a boy who could turn into metal continued, all I could do was look behind me, waiting for my father's face to appear.

"Hey Yae?" I looked up, only having now realized that much time had past since I had last done so, my brother and the green haired boy were just now arriving on the scene of their match.

I turned to see the person who had called out to me, and realized it was Ashido, wearing a rare expression that lacked her usual smile, "How about you sit down sweetie, this will probably be a bit interesting."

I weighed my options, preferring to stand if my father were to come, it was much less vulnerable, but deciding that my breathing was labored and every few seconds dots would blur my vision.

I turned to look down at the match, staring down at my brother. For a moment I had a terrible feeling in my gut. I felt nauseated by it. As if there was a beast tearing through my organs. I felt hatred as I looked at how he stood, so... confident. How he didn't have to look at anyone but his opponent.

For a moment, I could feel my nails digging into my skin and the hatred was set a flame in me, I wanted him to burn.

So when his ice was crushed again, and again, there was a glee to be found in me. There was something so... so addicting to it.

But when his eyes had finally gone crazed and he stared at Midoriya with a look of something so deep and raw I couldn't comprehend it, a fire lighting brightly across the stadium, as an explosion rounded on the other side, there was sadistic, unfathomable retribution in my blood.

Suddenly I felt a warmth in my hand as Ashido had apparently grabbed it. She turned to me with a worried expression that didn't seem to belong to her. The explosion rang out in my ears, the whole world seemingly stopped at the blast of two forces, of whatever strange thing encompassed Midoriya, and the fire that consumed my brother had sparked together and lit a fuse.

But the moment had passed as soon as the dust settled, and I realized how close my brother had come to being blown to bits, and how happy that had made me.

I truly was a monster.

It was only after a long few minutes that it finally calmed down enough for me to hear her say, "Your brother will be okay."

I gulped, praying she was right, and feeling a deep regret at how I had thought of him just moments prior. I turned away from him and nodded, staring at my shoes, trying to let myself forget how horrible I was.

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