Kabuki

Chapter 18

Renjiro felt his world shift as Yoshitiro kissed him. Never in his life had he been kissed; he never received a kiss on the forehead from his parents. Physical affection was not familiar to him, and people perhaps showed affection in secrecy within society. However, he wondered if kissing was part of it. He noticed that the samurai had his eyes closed; his lips were wet and warm. The actor thought that he would try to fight him off and yell profanities at him. However, none of that happened; his body was still, and he tried to process what was happening.

When the realization hit him, Renjiro didn't have the urgency to fight back. He let Yoshitiro keep kissing him, and he opened his lips a bit more, giving the samurai more access to his mouth. That was when the actor felt his tongue on his, which surprised and slowly excited him. The sensation and feeling of another's tongue on his made him feel excited and feel special. Even him becoming an official kabuki actor didn't bring him such excitement. As Yoshitiro kissed him, he slowly put his free left hand behind Renjiro's waist and used his thumb to make circular movements.

The actor slightly flinched but didn't resist Yoshitiro's touch. His slight, sensual touch excited him and made him feel wanted. 

It was strange.

The young man was the most desirable actor in Yoshiwara, and everyone desired him. However, did he feel desired? What was desire? "There is something you lack." Then, it hit him. There was something he lacked. He had been an actor for most of his life; actors played different characters and personalities. Yet, there were times when actors lost sight of who they were.

Renjiro's eyes widened, and he noticed Yoshitiro's eyes slowly open; he stopped his kissing. The men separated from the kiss, and a hint of saliva appeared. They were silent as they stared at one another, but Renjiro was in a thoughtful daze. He couldn't believe it had taken him so long to figure out what Yoshitiro meant. "I-I think I know what I lack."

Yoshitiro was expressionless but nodded for him to continue. "What I lack is the understanding of my true self. Is it not?" 

To Renjiro's surprise, Yoshitiro's smirked as he crossed his arms. "You finally saw it."

However, the actor was still not satisfied since he had many questions. He paced back and forth as he was trying to process everything. It felt like the room was swaying, and he stopped at the center of the room. His legs wobbled so much that he fell to the floor; Yoshitiro watched with an emotionless expression. Renjiro's heart beat rapidly, and he put his right hand over it. "Wh-Why did you kiss me?"

"You were getting the wrong misconception. You believed that I wanted to destroy you; it was the opposite. It is as you realized; you lost of who you truly were."

The young man shook his head and let out a humorless chuckle. "You are mad. So all this was to make you realize the answer to your ridiculous opinion!?"

"You see it as a mere opinion; again, you do not understand. This profession has made you lose sight of what is truly important."

"And what is that?" Renjiro asked as he slowly stood up despite his legs feeling weak.

"Yourself." His words hit the actor like a dozen bricks. Was he losing himself? How could he? Renjiro knew that Kabuki was his entire love; it saved him from a life of uncertainty. Kabuki was what he was. However, Kabuki was a profession of actors. Yet, was his profession his true identity? "I know my words conflict with you and it is best that I do not do so much more."

Renjiro scoffed as he walked before Yoshitiro and stood face to face; the samurai's eyes never wavered or blinked. "Truly, your reasoning are pathetic! You are doing this to ruin my reputation! You-!"

"Yet, you still come to me." 

Renjiro struggled to say the right words, but he was too stunned. He hated to admit that he always wanted to go back to Yoshitiro. He didn't know why, but Renjiro couldn't help but feel drawn to the handsome samurai. He was mystifying, quiet, and strong. Matsuzo did want to find other potential patrons, but he didn't want any others. "I-I have a reputation to uphold. You are just making my path difficult."

"Yet, you still choose to walk onto this difficult path. Why?" It was quiet between them, and Renjiro could no longer look him in the eye. Yoshitiro's smirk dissipated, and he walked toward the sliding door, opening it. "It gladdens me to see that you figured out your lack, but you face another obstacle."

"I imagine that you will not tell me."

A chuckle escaped Yoshitiro's lips. "You are getting intelligent. I will no longer come to you."

This surprised the young man. "What do you mean?"

"You heard me. I will no longer come to you. It is you who will come to me."

"If I refuse?"

Yoshitiro turned away from him. "Then it is your choice. If this is our last meeting, then I wish you well in your success as and actor. However, if you choose to meet, then meet me at the tea shop that you enjoy going by the third day as soon as the sun rises." The older man went on his way but closed the door behind him, leaving a stunned Renjiro.

Confusion overwhelmed him, but it eventually changed to anger and annoyance. Yoshitiro dared to suggest he meet him. It was usually the other way around. Men and women would swoon at the opportunity to be in his presence; they would do anything Renjiro asked them to do. Yoshitiro was the opposite and didn't fall to his knees for him, which frustrated the actor. He then thought about the kiss; he slowly touched his lips and closed his eyes. Although Yoshitiro looked rigid and stern, his kiss was soft and warm. His hand that was on his waist felt strong yet gentle. No one ever made him feel peaceful.

Renjiro didn't know what to do for the first time in his life. He only had three days to decide whether to see Yoshitiro or forget him entirely.