Irony. | Kamishiro Rui x GN!Reader.

CHAPTER 4

- Small A/N: Uhh slightly longer chapter again than usual hehe... :3

☆

     "Forgive me if the question's personal, but...Are you okay?"

      You couldn't help but freeze at the question, making your true feelings slightly more obvious; lowering your head for a second, you lift it again and just nod; proceeding to lie to Rui.

      "I'm fine... I am just tired. W-Why do you ask?" You ask Rui in a nervous tone, and he gives you this concerned look like he knows you're lying.

      Rui sighs softly. "I know I am unable to, and shouldn't, force anything out of you... But I can tell that's far from the truth. You've been visibly quite anxious... at least more than typical, and I figured I'd try to talk to you myself."

     "You don't need to spare me the details, especially since I do not anticipate you to given we barely know each other, however I don't think you should just lie about your feelings entirely. It won't help your problems at all, you know?" Rui asked softly.

You lower your head once more, thinking about Rui's words. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, he had a good point. However you still did not want to say anything. It felt embarrassing to do so, and you were worried if you would be judged for it.

Suddenly your thoughts paused. You remembered that Rui was close friends with Tsukasa. You severely doubt Tsukasa would be friends with someone who'd judge someone for their problems. Would it really be okay then? Either way, you felt as if this would be a weird conversation to have with someone you barely knew (and it probably is).

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to tell him though. It would probably be okay. You doubted Rui would approach you like this if it wasn't, anyway.

"Uhm," you stammered, beginning to deliver your response, "no, you're.. right. I just.. don't necessarily like talking about things that bother me too often."

As you spoke, Rui sat down in the chair next to you, looking at you as you spoke and nodded when you finished. "I.. understand. Not everyone likes to talk about that sort of thing, and there's nothing wrong with that. However it's still not the healthiest thing, since it usually doesn't help the one hurting."

You nod. "It's.. just that I feel bad when I tell people that stuff for some reason. Like I just.. hate making people worry about me, if they really do."

"You... You don't have much self-confidence, do you?" Rui asked, making you freeze slightly.

"There's nothing wrong with that either, though. I used to be like that as well, and still sometimes have my moments where I don't. I'm pretty sure everyone does, some people just don't express it."

You look to the side. "You're right though. I really don't have any confidence in myself, and it just... bothers me when people tell me to have more of it because they say it like doing such a thing is easy. What I hate most is how I've been trying for several years and it feels as if there is no form of progress."

Rui thinks for a moment. "I don't want to speak for you, and say this is the case for you, but sometimes the person may not realize that they actually did grow. They may just not realize it because it's a small amount of progress, which is perfectly fine. Some people take longer than others to accept themselves."

"I want to say that's the case, but it's most likely not." You mumble. "It's just... The thing that's bothering me is how I can't communicate well. I speak too quietly, am extremely awkward around people I don't know, grow overwhelmed when in loud and crowded places... I have been like that for years, and it feels like no matter what, I haven't been able to even grow accustomed to it, and at least be able to tolerate it."