Hate You - LN

10

Devin is asleep on the couch when I walk out of my bedroom this morning. I'm heading for the shower, but pause when I see her. If I remember correctly she never falls asleep easily and wakes up a lot. But thankfully, if she's really sleeping, there's not much that can wake her up. I pray that's still the case as I cross the room and look down at her. 

For the first time since the night before she left, Devin looks peaceful. Her facial muscles are relaxed, her mouth slightly cracked open and her eyes closed. She used to have issues with nightmares, though she never told me what they were about. Tonight, there was no hint of bad dreams on her brow.

Her brown hair is fanned over a small couch pillow that lay underneath her head and she's dressed in some grey cotton shorts and a baggy black hoodie that's at least two sizes too big. The elastic around the bottom of the hoodie is way too big to cling to her hips and in the night it must've rolled up because her side is bare up to her bra. Looking closer I notice a small red mark on the side of her ribs. About an inch or so across. A scar. Curious, I stare at it. I don't remember it from before. And I knew her body.

I knew the spots where if I kissed she'd roll her hips, the way she moaned when I-

No. I shut those thoughts down. If one thing was sure, Devin wasn't the same person she was then that she was now. Who knows if she would even moan like that if I did those things?

Somehow I doubted myself.

Sparing another look at the small scar I breathed out. I don't care. I turned on my heel and walked right into the shower. Not bothering to turn the water warm.

***

The paddock is bustling with media and all kinds of people for qualifying day. After my shower this morning I dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a McLaren tee. Dev had been in her room when I came out of the bathroom, or I assumed so at least. I hadn't seen her yet this morning besides when I was creeping on her sleeping on the couch.

Fans lined the path into the paddock and I greeted a few, signing hats and other things. Someone brought a blanket with George's face all over it. I made sure to sign that. Even taking a picture and sending it to George. I kept walking, running into Valteri doing the same thing I was, and Alex, who I chatted a bit with until Lily walked into the paddock with Blake at her side. The two women were the WAGs of the paddock and it seemed like every camera turned on them. I laughed with Alex. It was like they were the ones that raced the cars, not us.

After last summer break, Mark had been banned from the paddock and I was thankful. Everyone was. It was silent of course, like most issues are in Formula One. But I think this time not outing Mark for the disgusting man he is was a good thing. The people who he hurt, including his wife, all knew. And those in the higher-ups do as well. His name hadn't been dragged through the mud, did it deserve to be? Fuck yes. Did I want that for Blake? Fuck no.

I watched as Oscar came out of the McLaren hospitality and belined for Blake like the lovesick fool he is. Grabbing her and kissing her in front of all the cameras. I smiled at the couple. They both had recovered from the night out in Monaco and thankfully they had done it together. I don't know how Blake is all right. I know if I was Oscar I would be terrified for her all the time. But he wasn't, protective maybe, but that was warranted.

I'd thought of Devin that night if it had been her behind that door when Oscar busted it open.

I shivered at the thought. 

I would've killed Mark.

I shook my head, both at Oscar and Blake to get the thoughts of Devin out of my head. I walked toward the McLaren hospitality entrance and entered the sweet relief or air conditioning. I bypassed everyone even Zak, though he didn't chase me, and walked into my driver's room and instantly I closed the door behind me. My shoulder stung with the force I used to shut the door and I sat down on the floor not even bothering to sit on my massage bench or the chair at the desk.