Hate You - LN

12

"So Devin, do you have someone special in your life?" Carlos asks as we walk out of the restaurant, Alex and Charles trailing a bit behind us. The four of us had an amazing dinner, Carlos truly did have great taste.

I awkwardly cough. "Uh, no. Not for a while."

"Why is that, if I can ask? You are a smart and beautiful woman."

I can't help but smile at the compliment. "Thank you, Carlos. And I guess I don't really know why I've stayed single for so long. It's probably the job to be honest. It's hard to keep a relationship when you're in a different country every week."

Carlos nods as if in understanding. "I guess it's difficult at times, but it's not impossible. Look at your brother and Alex, or me and Rebecca."

I knew the real reasons why I hadn't dated anyone seriously. In high school, it was because my mother had just died and dating someone new when you're mourning is a bad idea. Then in university and post-grad, it was my father's abuse issues. It's hard to bring someone else into your mess. It was why I was scared of dating Lando in the first place. Plus, it was hard later on to even kiss someone when they touched a scar when they held you. And even harder to feel something for someone when I'm still in love with Lando.

"I suppose I just haven't really tried to date much," I shrug. "I'm a busy woman."

"Or maybe you're still in love with someone?"

I stop walking and look up at Carlos who has a smirk on his face like he knows something. I look back along the sidewalk and Alex and Charles are way behind us, out of earshot. "What?"

"You know," Carlos smiles. "Lando and I were teammates during the pandemic, we talked quite a bit. Still do."

I mentally face-palmed myself. Of course, Lando told Carlos about me. Along with me and his trainer, Carlos was living in Monaco at the time and was part of Lando's allowed social bubble during lockdown. "Oh, yeah I guess I should've known that."

"What happened after you left? I don't buy the whole ghosting for no reason like the muppet." Carlos refers to Lando by the nickname he gave him when they were teammates at McLaren.

"I just didn't think it was going to work out."

"So the times Charles came to my place and all but collapsed crying over you after you ghosted Lando had nothing to do with why you left Lando."

I froze, my muscles going stiff. I had no idea Charles had gone to Carlos after that day. I knew he was upset, but he always hid it around me so well. "I- I don't understand." I glanced at Charles and Alex, they ducked into a shop with a lit-up ice cream sign. Fuck.

Carlos squared his shoulders and I looked back to him. "Within a month during the pandemic I had both your brother and Lando come to my door upset over you. Lando told me why he was upset, but Charles didn't. Now, I don't believe that you hate Lando, if you hated him you would've looked angry when I brought him up at dinner. Instead, you were sad." Carlos sighs out a deep breath. "It's like you miss him. And I guess if you don't want to tell me what happened to you during that month or two where you broke both of their hearts that's okay. But you are my teammate's sister, and as much as I want to respect your privacy, I also care about you and if you're all right."

I open my mouth, shut it, and open it again. "Nothing happened after I left Lando. Maybe the pandemic and not racing was weighing on Charles."

Carlos scanned me, a disbelieving look on his face but his eyes remained kind. Genuine. "Did Lando hurt you?"

"What? No, no, god no. Lando was perfect, I loved him."

"Then why leave if you loved him? Why did you leaving Lando break Charles?"