Wenclair - The Monster I'm Afraid of

Chapter 2

POV WEDNESDAY

Wednesday was frustrated, she had been in front of her typewriter for more than two hours and could not manage to write anything decent, the presence of the blonde was no help, even though she was strangely silent she could not stop thinking about her and consequently she was incessantly interrupted by the same thoughts that had been torturing her for weeks.

That kiss, that damned kiss had been the trigger of everything, if she had taken her knife with her that day, possibly that damned pilgrim would have ended up in the hospital or even better, in the cemetery and she would have been expelled but at least she would have taken revenge for daring to steal a kiss from Enid, those lips did not belong to him... but neither to her, so why did she care? why take sides over something that was not her property? And neither will it be, she thought bitterly as that nauseating image came back into her head, why did she have to give the matter so much thought?
And although she had been questioning it for days she already knew the answer to all those questions, she had been silencing her feelings for a long time, or doing her best not to bring them to the surface but she wasn't fooling anyone, she had lowered her defenses and she had been an illusion to let the she-wolf get close to her the way she had done, because now she was a sea of emotions, she was vulnerable like an open wound and she couldn't allow that wound to continue deepening, she had already decided that she would distance herself from that which made her flimsy, but ironically the more she distanced herself, the more painful the situation became, the blonde had that wounded puppy look, not only waiting for her attitude to change but also trying to decipher her sudden distancing, she knew it hurt her and it bruised her inside so she was between a rock and a hard place; She hated feeling that way because no matter what she did she got hurt.

Her last card was the confession but she knew that it would not lead her to a very different destiny, if there was something that had become clear to her it was that she had no chance with the colorful lycanthrope, she would never look at her, not in a romantic way at least because after all, what could she offer her? She was somewhat selfish and would always put her own interests first, she was a disaster with feelings, as well as with demonstrations of affection and even though she had allowed the she-wolf certain approaches, she was hardly capable of taking the initiative before physical contact, in short, maybe her friend deserved someone better. But the simple idea of imagining her with another person was heartbreaking, it made her feel sick, and with the desire to torture anyone who got in her way, it was in those moments where she longed to have knowledge or at least some advice on how to conquer the young girl with colored hair; she had never felt romantically attracted to anyone (not at this level at least) so she was never interested in the subject and ironically the person to whom she could turn to was the one she had fallen in love with. Fate was macabre and Goody had definitely not been wrong when she predicted her impending loneliness.

Still her instinct was telling her to turn around and just go kiss her, that maybe she would accept it, but her rational part was telling her that it was the most vomitous idea that could  cross her mind. How could it be that she was longing for something like that? If, after all, her dislike of physical contact had largely to do with her parents' excessive displays of affection, what kind of hypocrite would she be? And if she decided to be hypocritical, what did she suppose would happen if she took initiative in that kiss? Possibly humiliate himself further and that was not in her plans. Maybe there was one more alternative and her last card was not the confession, maybe there was a way out and it was to get rid of that unpleasant affectionate look that so much prevented her from pushing her away, she had to awaken negative emotions, if she could get Enid to look at her like the rest of her companions, getting her away from her life maybe it would not be so complicated after all the she-wolf was going to be the one who would end up taking distance.