I Sold my Soul when I had Kids (LifeSteal Family AU???)

Chapter 3: COCOMELON (and wholesomeness)

TW!! Cussing and sharp objects (cutting)

(ClownPierce POV)

I need sleep. It's 3am and these kids are already driving me nuts. The TV can be heard blasting some loud show...

"COCOMELON!!!" The kids scream in unison.

God- not Cocomelon. They won't shut up! Why do we even have that channel? These kids need to go to bed, and soon. I bang my head against the door again. I'm too tired to even get up. If I put the kids to bed, will they stay asleep? I need to clear my head.

Perhaps I should go hunt some sheep, chops some trees, and crafts some beds for them? Yes, that'll be good for my sanity... I get to my feet and walk over to my Ender chest. I open it and grab a diamond axe. I raise it up to test how it feels. Perfect, it's not too heavy, but it'll get the job done. I run my hand over the edge, a small bead of blood appears on my finger. It's sharp, good. (HELPPP BRO SOUNDS INSANE!!)

Time to go murder some annoying ass Cocomelon screaming kids- JK! I'll only murder trees. I walk back over to the door and twist the knob. I step out into the hallway and walk to the living room.

Branzy spots me from his corner. "Clown, where are you going with that axe?"

"I'm going for a walk, I'm gonna harvest some trees and hunt for sheep."

Spepticle and a few other children turn to face me. Spepticle speaks up, "Clown, you can't! We just watched Lorax and he said to not cut down trees and-"

I don't stick around for him to finish, I burst out the doorway. Once a kid starts rambling you can't get them to stop. I shut the door behind me and lock it. I begin my walk through the moonlit forest. Tall grass brushes against my legs as I travel. I keep my mouth closed and ears open, any sheep sounds and I'll know. A soft "Baa" alerts me that a lamb is nearby.

I freeze and listen for any footsteps. I hear leaves crunching to my left. I approach slowly and silently, stalking my prey. I enter a clearing, there is shorter grass here so I'll have to be careful. I see the animal's back is turned. I creep up behind them, carefully avoiding leaves and twigs. I raise my axe and it glides through the air. Right before I hit the creature, it turns towards me. Its innocent eyes remind me of Branzy and I withdraw my weapon. The white coat of fleece isn't helping my psyche either.

I'm officially going insane. This is going to be one of the worst years of my life. I stumble back from the sheep and into a tree. I slump down the oak and rest my head in my knees. I rip off my mask and throw it on the ground. Tears roll down my cheeks. Why me...?

(Parrot POV)

My sensitive ears catch Vitalasy and ItzSubz whispering. I lean in, but not too close for fear of being obvious.

"I wanna sneak out. We should head back to our base. Maybe we can find a cure to being children." Suggests Vitalasy.

ItzSubz nods in agreement. Vitalasy makes a few hand signs like in those spy movies. Probably telling Subz how they're gonna escape. While everyone else's eyes are glued to the screen, the duo clambers off the couch. They make a run for the door. I hop off the couch too and follow after them.

The pair, realizing the door is locked, attempt to climb out the window. Vitalasy lifts ItzSubz onto his shoulders and they try to reach the windowsill. Subz grabs onto the ledge and lifts himself up before grabbing Vitalasy's hand. The two sneaks manage to lift up the glass pane and escape. Using my wings, I lift up off the ground and fly out the window. I crash land into the soft grass because my wings are still small and clumsy.

"Hey guys!" I call after them. "Wait-"

I'm cut off by a hand that wraps around my mouth. An unknown voice whispers, "Sh! You're going off script!"

I groan when I realize who it is. I pry their hand off my mouth. "Author, they're gonna get themselves killed!"

??? Replies, "Actually they're gonna learn an important life lesson if they keep going into those woods."

"What is this? 'A Christmas Carol' like book where the main characters learn a lesson?" I ask.

"Yes, precisely. You may follow them though."

I huff and cross my arms, but I don't argue. The author disappears again, leaving me to sit in the grass alone. Once I'm ready, I stand up and follow the duo, praying that they don't get killed. I spot the two up ahead, they seem to be lost already.

"I swear it's this way!" Vitalasy states.

"No, no, it's this way!" Subz points.

The two stare intently at each other. Battling with their eyes. A loud sob startles the duo and they spin around while trying to locate the sound. Vitalasy stops spinning when he finally figures out where it's coming from.

"Psst, Subz, it's this way!" Vitalasy whispers.

I watch as ItzSubz follows Vitalasy into a clearing. There, covered by the shadows, is a crying ClownPierce. His whole body is wracked with sobs. He keeps repeating the phrase "why me?" Vitalasy and Subz freeze at the sight. They both start twitching nervously.

"Vitalasy, what do we do...?" Subz whispers.

Vitalasy answer, "Why are you asking me?"

Clown keeps crying into his arms. His mask is strewn across the grass. I don't hesitate another second. I approach Clown, not bothering to keep quiet. Vitalasy and ItzSubz watch me wide eyed. Clown, hearing me, snatches up his mask and puts it back on. I keep my head down to avoid invading his privacy.

I blindly walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. I can only hug his leg as I am far too small. Vitalasy and Subz give each other a look before slowly approaching Clown. He tenses, not liking the presence of the two menaces.

Vitalasy looks down in shame. He hugs Clown's other leg. "Sowwy..."

ItzSubz hesitates before also gripping onto Clown's pants. "Yweah me too."

Clown is utterly confused at this point, and I must say, it's quite funny. Clown slowly reaches his hands out and pats the duo's heads. The author was right, this is wholesome.

(Meanwhile... Spepticle POV)

"YIPPEEE!" I scream while jumping up and down.

The rest of the kids have all resorted to pillow fighting, I'm the only one enjoying the scene. That's because I'm a spectator. I watch as PrinceZam slams a cushion into Spoke's face. Red and Ash are having their own tumble. Suddenly Branzy gets up from his corner and snatches a pillow off the couch.

"Whattsssss this?! Anooooother challenger?!" I announce. I've over exaggerated the words, but that's what they all do on TV. "Whoever wins this battle gets the title of ultimate skibidi rizzler!" (Sorry, I had to. MEMES!)

Branzy raises the pillow above his head and threatens to bring it down on Zam's head. "GO BACK TO OHIO, ZAM!" He brings the pillow down at full speed. It hits PrinceZam and he falls onto his bottom, without injury though. "What?! How did you not get hurt?!" Branzy screams in tiny outrage.

Zam laughs evilly. "It's because I have a gyatt! It cushions my fall!"

Branzy exaggerates his response, "NOOOOOOO!!"

The two continue to battle throughout the whole night. I fall onto my back and burst out giggling. Man, I forgot how fun it was to be a kid!

(Not me putting reality into a fanfic. Cutting, being a kid again, and etc. I wrote this on a depression day. No, I don't cut, don't be worried about me. Ah well shoot, that just sounds wrong. -Perfectly sane author. Word count: 1333.)