Jedi Fugitive (The Bad Batch)

78:

Astera:

'Don't you do it, Tech.'

'I order you not to!'

'When have we ever followed orders?'

'Tech!'

I stared up at the top of the rack, the shouts swirling through my mind. Sleep, recently, had been elusive, and more often than not I would find myself exactly in the same position, wide awake despite my best attempts to drift off.

Months. It had been months since Tech's death, and I still couldn't sleep. Months since Omega had been taken and we were still no closer to finding her or Crosshair. The memories always unfolded before me, playing on repeat to the point where each detail was now burned forever into my mind. Sometimes, it was being forced to surrender in order to save Wrecker, watching Omega stunned by the commando or willingly letting go of the ship, hating having to do it with each second. But usually, it was memories of Eriadu that featured prominently - Tech, dangling underneath the destroyed rail car, telling me there was no time, taking his gun out and severing the connection to the rail car before I could pull him up.

It always ended the same too. No matter which way I thought of it, what I could have done differently, I could still never save Tech or Omega. Over and over again, I was forced to watch as they were taken away from us, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was usually that point when it'd become too much for me to bear. And why I hated to be alone with my thoughts for more than a few minutes.

I heaved a silent sigh and swung my legs out of the narrow rack I'd slept on for the past few months, reflexively touching a hand to the skull decorating the strip of red fabric tied around my wrist. Sometimes, I was lucky enough to get a couple hours. Tonight though, it was going to be impossible. Maybe at least I could relieve Wrecker from his shift and take over flying the ship for a while.

Only it wasn't Wrecker at the helm when I wandered into the cockpit, rubbing at bleary eyes.

"Can't sleep?" Hunter asked softly, glancing up when my shadow fell over him.

"Yeah." I rubbed my arm almost self consciously. "I thought it was Wrecker's turn to fly the ship."

His eyes returned to the window, taking on a distant look. "I can't sleep either. Thought he could at least get some rest."

"Funny. I had the same idea." Now that he'd mentioned it, I could hear the snoring from the racks - I must have missed it before.

I made to take the seat opposite him, only for him to catch hold of my wrist and tug me down onto his lap instead. I didn't resist, my eyes briefly flickering over to the racks to check if Wrecker had woken. He was still soundly asleep, soft snores drifting over to the cockpit. He knew what had changed between us, as had Echo before he'd returned to Rex, but it still felt wrong to be so open about it around him.

Neither of us were wearing our full armour - my body moulded to his easily as his arms came around me, pulling me tighter against him and tucking my head under his chin. It was comfortable, almost too comfortable, and I pressed myself further into his warmth, but yet my eyes refused to close, still too plagued by the memories to return to them.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?" He pressed his lips to the top of my head as another shiver rolled through me.

"It's always the same thing," I mumbled with a shrug. "It's either him or Omega, and I can never save them on time-"

"I know. I think about it a lot too. But as much as I hate to say it, there was nothing we could have done."

We lapsed into silence for a while, just him holding me, the memories swirling in my head, growing louder and threatening to consume me from the inside out.

"I still think I could have saved him," I admitted suddenly, my voice small and defeated. "If I just had a little more time-"

"Astera, how many times do I have to tell you?" He drew back and grasped my chin lightly, forcing me to meet his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done. I won't let you blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault."

I could only shake my head, unable to form another response against the thick lump forming in my throat. He searched my face, reading the look in my eyes, and sighed quietly, pulling me down to meet his lips in a soft kiss.

I sank against him instantly, my fingers twisting in the fabric of his vest and pulling him impossibly closer. A lot had changed in the last two weeks, and this was probably the only good thing that had. Neither of us were willing to go back to before that kiss in Cid's office, and though we had no idea what we were doing, we were figuring it out together. Slowly.

Wrecker's snores stuttered and we broke apart, both our gazes flickering to the larger clone's inert form in the racks and waiting to see if he would wake. He only scratched his side, muttering something unintelligible, and turned over, the snoring beginning anew.

Hunter's body shifted under me as he sighed, watching me unsuccessfully try to stifle a yawn. "You should try to sleep," He murmured to me, drawing me back to lay on his chest. "We're going after that Pyke tomorrow. You'll need your strength."

"Can I sleep here?" The question was quiet, almost embarrassed. I'd faced worse things on my own than an inability to sleep. Yet, no part of me wanted to return to the rack by myself.

"Of course, Commander."

Normally I would have protested against his casual use of my former title, but exhaustion was finally pulling at me and I didn't want to fight it any longer. So instead, I settled my head into the crook of his shoulder and closed my eyes, his presence calming the memories enough that I could finally drift off to sleep.