Till death do us apart » Han Jisung

02

As he held my hand firmly and guided me down the stairs, my stomach twisted from the emotions that intoxicated me. Anger bubbling through me at him for pulling me back when I was so close to rest. Guilt flowing through me for ruining a potential full-of-stars night, with peace in the air for him. Sadness fogged my brain as the old memories ran around in my mind. My patience was being tossed around with the intensity of the numerous emotions growing.

He squeezes my hand as he runs in the empty hallway with my loose footsteps rattling behind me. I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of a stranger, but as time passed and I slowly realised that he was pitying me, or caring for me, my tears couldn’t be held back. They flowed and dropped on the floor as he rushed me, looking for a room.

“Dammit…” I hear him mumble under his heavy breath, as the guilt just overtook me more. He tried fighting his body’s strength, just so I could have a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold so I don’t lose myself in the dark, lonely corner of my mind once again.

“I’m really sorry…” My voice shakes as it comes out of my mouth, mixing into the air as I was unsure if the boy could even take in my words.

“Huh?” His confusion trailed out behind his voice, as his grip on my hand loosened.

I let out a deep sigh, blinking rapidly to stop my tears from washing over my cheeks. My thoughts spiraled, my mind ran around in all the torrents of the situation I got in. “I’m… I’m sorry. Really sorry…”

The door of one of the classrooms creeks open, as the boy pushes it open lightly, peeking in the room before he guides me in. He closes behind him, the thumps of his footsteps dancing around in the room as he rushes to me. He holds my hands in his once again. The softness of his touch was like the petals of a delicate flower, that had all it needed, its sunlight, water, and soil.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I… I totally understand you.” The warmness in his tone embraced my heart, melting the iceberg of uncertainty for my own life slowly. “But I really wish you wouldn’t choose that path. If it’s alright, I just want to ask you why. Why would you wish to harm yourself like that?”

I broke my gaze away from his pearl-like eyes, meeting the floor instead. My mind tried fighting against my heart, telling me to not open the door to my heart just yet to a stranger, but my heart, it defended the boy as if I already knew that he would take care of me as if I were the small star amongst the ones that would keep me from breaking.

“If you are feeling even a teeny-tiny bit unsafe with me, I assure you that anything you tell me wouldn't leave out of my mouth.” He assures, my heart melting at his words. His voice held the comfort of entering a warm room after being out in the cold, and it only made my heart fight harder against my mind. “Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Han Jisung, the class president. I’m in the same class as you.”

I nod my head with hesitation, as my understanding clutched onto his name tightly. I raise my eyes to meet his once again, “I’m Choi—”

Jisung beats me to it, “Jaeeun, right?” The ends of his lips stretch into a delicate smile, as if the blooming of a flower.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“I have seen you in class. I did want to strike a conversation with you a few times, but never got the chance to.” His statement dives into the pond of my understanding, a wave of warmness washing over me after hearing he was interested in me. He cleared his throat, “So, Jaeeun, you know, your secrets are safe with me. I’m not the type to just spread a moment of vulnerability around for giggles.”

I take in a deep breath, my chest tightening as a lump formed in my throat at his kindness. “I’m so tired. Things just… keep getting worse and worse.” The words rolled out of my tongue before I could stop. My mind cornered me in the morbid corner of myself once again for letting Jisung already have a graph around me.

His gaze softens, as he takes a step closer to me and wraps his arms around me, embracing me against himself. “I understand, Jaeeun. Things get hard a lot of times. They are bound to get hard, but we have to fight. We need to save ourselves.”

My eyes stings as tears make their place again, as a lump blocked my throat. I turned my head to the side, resting my cheek on his shoulder, my hand on his arm that hugged me around. I shut my eyes tightly so as not to let my tears fall on his jacket, but my tears didn’t stop at that as my lower lip quivered.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” He hushes me, his left hand moving away from my back as he patted my head lightly, caressing my hair down. “You will be fine. Everything will be fine. I know it.”

“But Jisung, I—” My voice cracks as my tears choke my throat, a burning sensation filling my chest. “But how long? I’m so tired. It’s so hard when my own family makes me think I’m always lacking.” My voice shaked, choked sobs leaving the barriers of my mouth as I cried on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, my eyes getting heavier from carrying the tears that were now flowing out.

Jisuny caressed my back with his hand, the other one patting my head as his warmness mixing into my own. My chest tightens even more at his gentleness. “Jaeeun, you have been so strong, I know it, and if you continue being strong for a bit more, you will finally be happy.” As his words dwell into me, another trail of sobs escaped through me. My legs felt as if they were being jerked to the floor of the classroom. “I don’t know what your family says or does, but they are missing out. By a lot. I know how hard you work in class, I’m the class president, I can see your efforts. I may not be much, but I can assure you that you are more than enough, Jaeeun.”

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]

i loev this book so much im ginna cry this is my favourite story i have written/writing so far