Where The Wildflowers Grow

3- Clover

At some point I had fallen asleep curled up in the passengers seat of our car. Mom and others already out and about. Andrea is cooing and coddling Amy's dead body. I get out of the car heading to a small basin of water to clean off my face. My jacket zipped up despite the heat. "I'm sorry."

I glance up finding Shane standing across from me. "About ed."

"No you aren't."

We hold gazes, his dark and unnerving before he forces himself to smile. "Alright, you got me."

"If it makes you feel any better I don't either."

"I am sorry about not being there to help you last night."

"Carls more important," it's an immediate response from me. "Carl and Sophia, they are the most important right now. They cant fend for themselves." There a moment of pause as he grabs the rag from my hand helping me clean off my face. "Why did you stop?"

  He doesn't faulter as I keep eye contact with him. I pull the cut part of my lip in my mouth moisturizing it biting down on it. The pain from it seems as a comfort by now. "For your mother."

"Bullshit. If you wanted to help us you would've killed him," I retort. His gaze narrows as if he's trying to figure me out.

  I can see it in his eyes as he studies my face. He's thinking about how he's misjudged me. He thought I was a petrified little girl but here I stand. He doesn't know what I did but he knows I'm capable of something. That maybe I'm a bit more like him than he thought. "Why didn't you help yourself?"

"Maybe I did." It slips by before I can stop it, his hand moves from my face. "Maybe there's things you guys didn't know he was capable of."

"Like?"

"Passing a line he shouldn't."

"He did that the moment he raised a hand to his family."

  I swallow harshly, going to grab the rag from him but lingering liking the feeling of his warm hand. Ever since that monster started what he did it seems as if my body is eternally cold. Like he drained the life out of me like some twisted kissing parasite. "There's another line a father shouldn't pass."

His jaw clenches as my words sink in. He knows what I mean now, the anger behind his eyes which now glance to the destroyed tent. "Sometimes you let things happen afraid of its outcome, like you stopping. You were afraid everyone would hate you. I didn't stop that thing from getting him."

"You let that Walker get him?" I dare say he sounds half impressed.

"I had to protect myself and my family, surely you can understand that," I whisper tearing my gaze from him and around us.

  Shane lets out a sigh before grabbing my shoulder. "Clover, you shouldn't have had to do that."

"No one else was going to do anything besides it better for mom and Sophia this way. To think it was a stupid accident and not like one of you killed him." There's another pause. "Are you gunna tell anyone?"

"No," he says clearing his throat. "You're not going to tell anyone else either do you understand?"

"Yes."

  After that I sit by my families put out fire. My head swirling from lack of food and throbbing where I hit it. I tune the group out as they go on cleaning or mourning. Dead bodies are drug away and burned or buried. At some point they debate on Andrea and the time bomb Amy now holds. Even when they start shouting about Jim being bit I stay seated. I pick at my shoelaces thinking.

Shane didn't look scared or disgusted when I told him what I did. He was surprised but other than that... I think he may have been relived. There were truth to my words knowing that my father was a time bomb in itself. Now that there was no living person to blame my mother and sister can move on. All of us could move on.

However I can't seem to get the disgusted taste of him out of my mouth. Or the roughness of his hands. When tears start leaking by I do nothing to stop them but sit in silence. It wasn't the first time that's happened but he's normally so drunk he falls asleep before pushing it further. I just... not anymore.

Dead are walking and I was more afraid of my father than the dead.

I'm free but yet I still feel as if his hand is on the back of my neck steering me into whatever direction he wishes. My life has never been my own and despite him being gone... There's still Sophia and mom.

I've always protected Sophia and she still needs me to. Like Amy she is too soft for this world, I want her to keep that but Id have to protect her. I look up finding Daryl bringing a pickaxe down on walkers stopping by our tent. Mom stops him. "I'll do it. He's my husband."

Daryl hands it to her and with a battle cry she brings it down over and over again. With each hit she gets that look, the full realization of being free. It's a wonderful feeling and it looks good on her. She brings it down one last time, Daryl yanks it back out. His eyes finding me before heading off.

I get up knowing what he meant. I wrap my arms around moms shoulders as a cry of relief pushes past her lips. "We're finally free Clover," she whispers.

"I know."

Later we all gather at the graves Jim apparently dig in a heatstroke while I was caring for father. Andrea ends up having a full blown break down. Amy would be beside herself if she saw. She was the only person I wanted to consider a friend. I know if I had died she would've done anything to help Sophia. I wait until everyone leaves for I look for her. "Andrea," I call out grabbing her shoulder.

"If another person says I'm sorry-"

"I didn't want to say sorry," I interrupt her. "I wanted to say thank you for trying to help."

"I kinda fucked it up," she mutters looking down at her shoes.

"You were the only one wanting to do anything about it." Even though it made things worse but she doesn't have to know that. This is for Amy. This is for her. "Ever."

Andrea finally meets my gaze, there's a sort of dead look behind her eyes. "The school failed me, my mom... You were the only one so thank you."

  I awkwardly walk off leaving her on her own. I find Sophia talking to Jessie. "What's going on?"

  Sophia turns to me holding out a sucker. "Jessie found some suckers, he was letting me pick one."

  I shove my hands into my pockets looking at the bright look in my sisters eyes. "That was nice."

"I've got one for you too if you're nice," he says holding a few up.

"I'm good."

  I put my hand on her shoulder hating that she's almost my height already. I gently nudge her. "Thank you Jessie," she whispers before running off to find Carl.

Jessies hazel eyes take in my face, while he runs at his own jaw. "You okay?" He asks.

"Yes."

It's the truth. I'm better now than I have ever been despite the coldness in my bones. He looks away, glancing to my mother before looking back at me. He pulls a large hunting knife from his belt holding it out. "Under the jaw, through the temple and in the eye."

I reluctantly take it knowing I should've had one a long time ago but he forbid it. We had to be weak and defenseless in order to make him feel like a man. I meet his gaze, it's odd at first being able to hold someone's gaze without the fear of repercussions. He has dirt smeared over his jaw which is clenched tightly.

"Understand Trefoil?"

"Clover," I mutter out of habit however it only makes a smile spread across his lips.

"What are you standing around for?" Daryl shouts joining us. "We got shit to do man."

I just nod heading past them and over to Glenn. "Anything I can help with?"

"Yeah, you can help me," he says nodding his head. As we pack he talks, rambles really. Glenn was always nice but he tried to avoid us for the most part. Well everyone did. It made them uncomfortable to be around us. Now here he is speaking to me. Unafraid of making anything worse for us. Sad sure, a lot of people died but not afraid of us. Not afraid for us.