My own D-Day

Why am I comparing myself to Yoongi?

Now listen I was 18 when I became Army, but when I was 13 I started reading Wattpad and after so many books never being finished I would imagine my endings until I started thinking about writing my own stories, now I was young and knew that I couldn't tell the internet my real name so I made one, Ellie which means fairy remitting to the anime Fairy Tail which made a different path for me, my first anime. The Last name was Snows cause my surname is Neves, neve is snow in Portuguse, And I added an s like my real last name, today The name has changed quite a bit, landing at Ellie Diane Bora Snow. It's special for me.

From the time I was 13 til I was 16, it felt like I lived as Ellie Snow, from Wattpad to Animes and cdrama, all these interests emerged when I lived as Ellie, I had depression and ended it during this time, but after ending Depression I had one problem, no self-love so I learnt to be more confident and free and to love myself, I started liking kdrama and BTS. And now due to a tradition in my country, I have a new name which only a few people can use, my family, made of, initially strangers, is now my close friends whom I hope to love and be in their lives for a long time.

Now I feel like I have three identities, when I started I was only thinking of Diana and Ellie, but Monet just appeared.

But I felt the need to satisfy Ellie who loves the idea of knowing a lot of language, and who wants to write so many stories. Maybe speak publically to help so many others

Diana, needs and wants to speak Portuguese so much better, because as Ellie only English comforted me, leading to the neglect of Portuguese my mother language. She wants to have a good life for her future, a good job, a lot of money, a wonderful family and strength in her faith. A person who wants to do something different for a lot of people.

Monet, whose life hasn't been easy at all, because of health problems that kinda make her want to relieve herself of this tradition but can't because of her friends, but the pain she goes through and the fear that hunts her is unbearable, the guilt of knowing what hurt her and that she doesn't stop the origin of all this pain, it all makes Monet sad and cry and wonder if it's all worth it but what can she do, only the first year is hard, it's only this year that she has to suffer, it's almost over but how painful it is to see blood, but the happiness is amazing makes you forget that you're in constant pain, it works as a painkiller, like a drug, even when bleeding the pain almost disappears, but your body knows it's hurt and doesn't let you forget. But basically, it's hard and eats up most of my time and energy. I wasn't doing my best hiding under my pain but I needed to stop.

I felt the need to do something for all my wishes because they have different routes but shouldn't die just like that, so in other to give myself the best I did this.

I separated my different selves and my wants to get a clear vision of them. 

Like Yoongi I have different Personas, when Monet didn't exist I always thought of connecting but only when I realised I had different goals to achieve did I considered to use the 90-day system, cause I already have 12 languages on my list and I just keep adding them. And then I thought to myself I need to make it fun for myself so I used the DDay concept, to make it more exciting and give myself a personalised plan.

I felt closer to Yoongi cause I already had a different name for myself but now I want to become as good as him.

I talk about how I made decisions, what I felt was wrong and what I did to fix some things.