ꜰɪɴᴀʟ ᴅᴇꜱᴛɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ [Osamu Dazai x Reader]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

the day you were kicked from the mafia was likely one of the best and worst days of your life. 

you joined when you were 14. you're 16 now. two years of suffering. suffering with the person closest to you.

the dreadful man spoke words that were akin to poison in your brain, rotting it inside out as if he were planting maggots inside.

you never thought it was possible to be kicked out. those who left were hunted down and killed without a warning.

perhaps it was the dreadful man's way of saying, 'you mean nothing to me. you are no use to us anymore. leave and forget about us.'

you wondered what you had done wrong. but it was no matter. you had no belonging to pack, so you simply left without another word.

it was only much, much later in life that you learned that you were not being punished, but dazai.

you, a frail homeless teenager, sat by the side of the road in yokohama, after walking what felt like continents away.

it wasn't long before an orphanage took you in. you were thrown into a truck and driven miles away.

you were given clothes, food, and a bed. it was much better than what your living conditions were in the mafia. but it wasn't the same, without dazai by your side.

you met another boy. his name was nakajima atsushi. he had a strange white haircut, and purple eyes with a glowy yellow gradient. he was much younger than you, around 11 in age.

he was nice. nicer than what you were used to. however, he showed clear signs of abuse. the headmaster was to blame for that. he treated atsushi differently than the others.

being his only friend, atsushi was upset when he found you were getting adopted a year later. he hugged onto you and cried. you showed no emotion and patted his back in response.

you were taken to a new home. a family with warm smiles and affectionate tones welcomed you. you disliked it greatly. hate is a strong word, and a strong emotion. you were not capable of feeling such a powerful emotion.

with a lonely past and a bright future ahead of you, you started anew. a blank, clean slate. 

no, lonely wasn't the right word to describe it. you were never lonely. you had dazai. you had chuuya. you had atsushi...

but nothing would be able to stop the strong feeling of longing to be back in dazai's embrace.

you grew up a fine person. over the years, you had learned that your aloof nature and uncaring personality unsettled quite a few people. 

it was easy to learn how to wear a metaphorical mask. 'a smile is a valuable tool.' you don't remember where you heard that phrase before.

you spent your remaining teenage years in a stable and supportive household. over the years, the memories you held of dazai slipped away. you forgot his name and his face.

the only trace left of him in your head was a blurry smile and a warm, fleeting touch on your body.

you began to work as an author. you wrote stories referencing your life in the mafia, and they sold quickly. more people like  dark literature than you may assume.

you started taking the subway when you started saving for a car. you had your own home now, a small cozy apartment smack in the middle of yokohama. 

it's a dangerous city, but it's home.

today was no different. you're 21 now. you sat on the subway with your leg crossed as you stared out the window.

you were spaced out. you had no idea what was going on in your surroundings. you stared out the window with your cheek propped up on your palm.

that was, until you felt someone tap your shoulder. before you could register anything, someone took your hands into their own, holding them softly.

you turned to look at the culprit of the sudden unwelcomed touch. but when you laid your eyes on him, something inside of you snapped. like a thread that was pulled on each opposite end a tad too hard.

you saw others staring at him with surprise and disgust, mostly women who had been asked the same question moments before, and rejected his offer.

"would you be willing to commit a double suicide with me?"

something about the way he spoke and the way he looked made your mind begin to race. you wasted no time in responding.

"i would be delighted to take part in your end."