Reckless - Memoirs from the End of the World

Things I gone do [Part 4]

"I know what happened to you was wrong but to act this way? I don't think I gots it in me Daryl? This shit just don't sit well with me, you don't even speak no more, you just kill these people. I got one more trip left in me and that's that, you're like my brother and I wanna be there for you but the killings got a stop you hear?" If only he had known.

So, one time after that speech I found us a camp. I was especially eager this time, I felt I had to make some kind of statement so Joel here would really understand how dark a place I was in.

I had become quite skilled in the art of stealth, more so in the art of killing. Joel was asleep which was fine. I crept up to the camp like a snake; I could smell their bodies, my knife called to them but moreover I wanted to do something different this time, make it special. Joel woke up at the first scream; I could hear him slamming his boots down on the ground and running not far off.

The first man had his heart stabbed, his mouth spilled blood, his cry changing to a cough. The others awoke, I threw my knife at one and lunged at the other pistol whipping him so he'd go back to sleep. The last one was terrified, but ballsy.

"Come on you scum, come on," he would shout and that's when I heard Joel's six shooter hammer click back.

Motherfucker shot me that night, right in my hunting arm. He let the surviving men go and tied me to a real heavy rock.

"You can't do this no more Daryl, the devil has you, you can't walk this earth till he's outta you and I don't think that's happening anytime soon," he said walking away.

You see what Joel didn't get was that the Devil had left long ago; he knew I couldn't get any worse and left me for someone with less demons. I think if anything the Devil had learnt a few new tricks from yours truly.

I don't know if he knew I'd escape but he seemed to have lacked conviction in tying me up. The rock with enough movement cut open my shackles and again I hungered for more pain.

It took me but a few days to track my dear friend Joel down and when I found him I was more than a little impressed. I think he realised soon enough that being good meant no food, no water and more importantly no shelter. I think I finally smiled that day when I saw my Joel giving it to this lifeless little lady covered in dirt and blood. When he finished I caught his eye, he was scared but he was plenty angry also. Rushing up to me he hit me with something fierce. My lip split bad and I could taste my own blood.

"You fucking did this! You made me this way!" I let him hit me till he had it out and then slept on the bed of Joel's victim.

We never spoke about it the next day, Joel had become as silent as me now and I felt as though we were finally on the same page. But silence never suited Joel and he had a confession to make, so as good friends do, I listened.

"That day I left you, I could see your little 'uns in the distance, playing and what have you, that gorgeous wife of yours Susie telling them to all calm the fuck down, keep down the noise but I couldn't see you Daryl, I just couldn't," a tear left his eye as quickly as he wiped it away. "This world is batshit crazy now, I left you and bam, those goddamn survivors went up an attacked me, revenge they shouted, choking me with their boots and slamming rocks into my face. I bled that night and all I felt was a sickening goddamn rage Daryl, I felt what it was like to be you but I promised myself I wouldn't give in. Like an asshole I began to plead, reminding them I saved their lives but they just weren't having it, the fools and that's when I switched off and murdered them both where they stood," I looked him in the eyes and spat on the ground.

"I killed those sons of bitches cause I saved them, saved them from you but either way they was gonna die cause they all a bunch of fools and this world is now full of them, I knew it from then goddammit that it was kill or be killed and I felt that freedom, that rush of the devil creep up inside me and take a hold of me," he said making a fist, spit leaving his mouth as he spoke. I could see the devil had left me and was working on him all this time.

Together we were formidable. Alone I could only take up to four men at a time, but with Joel that number doubled and more. We had a system in place, always striking at night. We'd take note of our victims and their worth, kill the lookout if they ever had one and kill as many in their sleep when possible but that was just the start. The more and more we did it, the more it became too much of a chore. The spoils were motivation enough but now that we had reached our peak and any good that came from our souls were gone; we needed something more.

Joel carried out the occasional rape or two; I would join in now and then too but we seemed to find the most joy when hearing them beg for their lives as we done once upon a time.

Joel now classed me as a mute and never questioned me ever again, even when I turned on the men, in fact he'd laugh at me, call me a fag and so forth. It was too late to realise that this is what he had become. This is what we could only know from now on, torture, murder, rape over and over.

One couldn't fathom tilting his head up to God and asking for that dreaded word; forgiveness. Can you imagine? Answering for all that we had gone and done? No, we had made our peace.

At present we had found ourselves a lone wolf so to speak and like you would guess; we were having our way with him.

"You see what my friend here is trying to say is that he's what you call a bisexual," Joel always enunciated when making a point now.

"Come on, I'll give you what you want just please," said the victim.

"Now, now there's no room for your quivering here son, you see in simple times such as these, a mans gotta look out for the simple pleasures."

"No, but please, I mean.."

"Shut your goddamn mouth before my friend here puts something in it." That shut him up, the victims face terrified of what was about to transpire. His silence symbolised his acceptance of the situation.

"Daryl, what you thinking boy?" he said licking his lips, dried out from the sun, I didn't answer. But for him that was enough. He grabbed the man and threw him to the ground, he began sobbing as his head hit a little stone and forced the blood out of his temple; it was a dramatic graze that's all.

"No please..." My hand was already over his mouth as I had my way with him, it wasn't long before he became numb and just took it, no matter how many times I gave it to him. Joel scattered around his camp collecting what he thought was useful, now and then letting out a 'damn' or 'this'll do nicely'.

After I was done he just lay there, I always looked at them for a while, stroking his hair, in my mind I would tell him everything was alright, not to worry, that it was just the way of things. But in my heart I was consoling myself; it was always for me.

"Well we gots food, we gots water and a few blankets, I don't think he was on his own Daryl, we should hide out somewhere wait for the rest."

"Th, the, they're all dead," the man laying on the floor still, spoke.

Joel kicked him in the face and spat at him.

"You want another round kid!" he threatened, I intervened gesturing for him to stop, I never like it when he added to my trauma, it never sat well with me. "He's lying, wants us to leave, well I tell you what boy! We leave when we fucking want to, you got that!" he went in for another kick but I stopped him and nodded, acknowledging we should wait.

I realised I had created a monster within Joel now, but what else was left?

If it wasn't for the south dry land, we wouldn't have survived as far as we already had.

We knew it was a risk waiting but, in all honesty, it was always worth it.

"Look Daryl here they come, oh lordy I see me some fresh bodies," he sniggered.

TBC...