TW:SH AND DISSOCIATION.
I woke up feeling shitty, like the bad shitty
I didn't feel like getting out of bed nor do anything, my stomach was growling I had to eat but I didn't want to I just wanted to know whether or not Johnnie would be okay as I cant check on him every day
Jake said he would take me so I reluctantly agreed as I took a shower and got dressed.
~•Outfit•~
I decided to wear the same thing I wore getting johnnie
It wasn't really a good choice but I went through with it
As I walked out of the Door and into the hallway I glanced at a small plastic box peeking out of a drawer so I picked it up to look inside
It was a Box of things I had received from johnnie i went back into my room to look inside
so A Pocket knife, An extra shirt, Ect, Just things he forgot to give me
God I love that man...
I blacked out for a moment seeing half a bottle of his cologne I smelt it with tears running down my eyes, as I put it down and grabbed the pocket knife
Holding the pocket knife in my hand I took the blade out and gently pressed it to my skin I didn't feel a thing I just knew what to do
cut after cut after cut it was all the same, I didn't hear anything I was just focused on my wrist not cutting deep but enough to draw blood
I dont remember how much time it had been it felt like ten seconds if I'm being honest..
I snapped out of it to the sound of screaming and crying as I looked to my right and it hit me, the sting of my wrists and my nose as I felt tears running down my face
"Lexi!!" I heard kat blurt out as I saw Jake silently crying as he tried helping stop the bleeding, I looked down at my wrist and started to noticeably cry
"Shit shit Im so sorry I didn't mean to fuck i-" Jake wiped the tears from my face as I heard a slam from the front door "Johnnie hurry up she's bleeding badly!" Kat screamed from the hallway as I heard johnnie sprinting up the stairs
I saw him mouth a small shit before he moved Jake out of the way "Lexi, Lexi Listen, hey" he hugged me it didn't help but I hugged back, he pulled away rubbing my back as I pulled my knees to my chest
"tell me, what happened?" he said gently grabbing my hand and softly holding it as I hesitated to explain everything that happened.
"I uh- its stupid.. I dissociated and cut all it did was bring attention toward me I didn't mean to freak you out I just- I probably seem like a freak right now-"... "its not stupid lex you didn't know what was all happening, you couldn't control it" he cut me of with a small, oh fuck me I wish I didn't do anything I could've prevented all this
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~𝓜𝓘𝓝𝓔~ |Johnnie Guilbert
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