The Solo Journals

Feeling wacky...

I've been feeling wacky lately...been feeling a bit unfriendly to the people I care about... Does it make sense to hate the guts of the people you love and would mountains for? You love them, but you can't stomach seeing them sometimes- this is confusing.
    Am a bit confused at the torrents of emotions that hit me sometimes. The cranking surprise me: after lashing out, am taken aback my the outburst.
    Am I faulty? Is something wrong with me?
The past few days has been kind of a blur: i have a lot of questions and not many answers.
  I really don't feel like writing right now: and I really don't want to post this rant... it makes me feel like I don't have my life together.
  I don't like feeling like this: and I really don't like that someone, somewhere is reading how how confused I am right now.
     Funny enough, that's the very reason why I want to post this, because I know that there might be someone who isn't feeling their best and is questioning their whole life.
     You don't have to wait until your life is completely rosy and everything is going right, before you show up for yourself. You might be breaking down right now, still show up for yourself.
    Maybe, you have lost all motivation to do the things that matter to you: don't wait for motivation to land on your lap, do the things you wanna do, even if every bone in your body is saying no- do them anyway.
    Motivation is like the wind: when it blows in your direction;  you feel good, you are hyped and ready to take up whatever challenge. Then it leaves you, and cold sweat starts seaping out of you; you are tired, sweaty, everything seem like a burden- you don't want to do anything.
    Its only when motivation goes camping that you really find out how much you wanted the things you wanted, when you had it.  If you want something bad enough, no matter how tired or weak or 'wacky" you feel, you are still going to get off that couch and pursue your goals.
        Let me be your guinea pig today... On top of all that I've been feeling, my thighs and feet hurt real bad: am battling with a mild headache and it's hurts when I walk or bend.  These are valid reasons to do nothing and just continue to feel bad about myself and the situations that am faced with.
    I did the opposite of what my body was telling me to do: ' just sleep through the whole day', it says.  I can't... God gave every man the same portion of 24 hours everyday: there are no refills or returns. What you do with today's time, will determine how tomorrow will serve or slip from you.
Guess what? I went for a long walk in my neighborhood (despite the pain in my feet), am writing this piece ( when all I wanted to do was close all the blinds in my room and sleep), did the laundry and other chores around the house that were pending...
    Why am i telling you this? Darling, if you want to gain mastery over yourself and everything else, you have to come out of your comfort zone: you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Step out of what feels good: do the things that stretch you mentally, spiritually and physically.
   Get off that bed, even when every cells in your body want to snuggle deeper into your covers and sleep in. Workout and prioritize your health, when the laziness of not doing anything wants to win over you.
   Eat right, even when you just want to eat junk through out the day.
       Your tomorrow is an expression of all the choices you made today. Start making choices that will benefit you now and every other day.
                                     Take care...