SPIETATO

THEY WILL HURT ME

They brought me to recovery.

Wilder was there waiting for me after they brought me back to my room. He hugged me tightly, I just couldn't bring myself to hug him back, or say anything really. He pulled away. He meets my eyes. "Dalton." He calls. I say nothing. He looks at me desperately. He caresses my cheek. He then sits beside me and hugs me again. My head leans on his shoulder. "Take as long as you need. Cry some more if you need to. Be sad. Be empty." He whispers to me. I feel my eyes well up once again. Tears roll down my face.

He hugs me tighter as I begin to breakdown once again. "I should've died." My voice breaks. "It should've been me." Wilder says nothing as he hugs me. I finally hug him back as we just sit there and he lets me cry. How do I get passed this? How do I live with all this guilt and sadness and anger? Will I ever be happy again?

I calm down after a while and Wilder pulls back. He wipes a stray tear from my face. "I know, it hurts. I won't force you to say or do anything. Take your time, recover." He says. I remain silent for a while. "How..." I start. He waits patiently. "How do you live with it?" I ask in a whisper. He remains silent. "Every time it hurts...every time I feel it coming up...the pain, the anger, the sadness...I let it out. I let myself cry, scream...beg. I just let it." He says.

"And after, I pick myself back up and get through the day. But you want to know the difference between me and you?" He asks. I meet his eyes. He smiles and kisses my cheek. "I didn't have you, but now, you have me." He says. I can't help but smile. I wrap my arms around his neck. He wraps his around my waist. "You won't leave me?" I hear myself ask. "Never." He replies. I can't seem to let him go, even after he tries to get me off. I do eventually let go.

We leave soon to go back to 10. I have to go to an interview first. And in six months I'll be on the victory tour. I'll have to look all those families in the eyes. I am let out of recovery and taken to Haran. She hugs me, apologizes, and congratulates me. She dresses me up in what I wore to the last interview. I am taken to the stage and take a deep breath before I am dragged out to talk to Caesar. "Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome your 57th Annual Hunger Games Victor! Dalton Jacobs!" Caesar yells to the crowd. 

I am applauded by the Capitol people as I walk onto the stage. I put a smile on my face and make an effort to keep it. I take a seat across from Caesar. "So, Dalton...let's talk about a few of your ally's during the games." Caesar says slowly, carefully. A screen is shown and a clip is played. The death of Rory, Dove, and Sea. I grab onto my pantleg and clutch onto it tightly. My knuckles turn white as I plaster a smile on my face. 

There are a few moments of silence before Caesar says something. "I'm sorry for your friends. I can tell you really cared for them...well, all except Dove, I suppose." Caesar grins brightly as a chuckle comes from his mouth. I bite my tongue until I feel blood coming from it. The crowd laughs as well. "Your wrong, Caesar." I say as nicely as possible. "Hmm? How so?" He asks, clearly effected by my words.

"I did care for Dove, maybe not as deeply as Rory or Sea, but Dove was just a girl." I say. "I may have hated her because of Rory, but at the end of the day, she was killing to survive." I finish. Caesar opens his annoying mouth. "And you took that from her." He comments. I stay silent for a moment. "I did. But it wasn't only me, you all took it from her as well." I say. He looks surprised at my comment.

"How so?" He presses. "Because these games were made to, yes punish us, at first, for the rebellion and the war, but they later became something for the entertainment of the Capitol." I say. I am going to pay for my words. They are going to hurt me for this. "I think that's enough. Let's move onto the video. I am forced to watch the entire bloodbath play from the second the timer runs out on the first day. I watch all the tributes die, one by one. I watch Rory and Dove, I watch Tara and Reaper, and I watch Sea. The death that will always be known to me as the 57th Hunger Games.

Caesar talks for awhile before the buzzer goes off, signaling my time is up. "Thank you for coming, Dalton. I enjoyed our time together, and I can't wait to see you on the victory tour in a few months." Caesar forces a smile. "Well, Caesar, it's not like I had a choice." I smile. I stand and walk myself off the stage. Good riddance. 

I walk off the stage to receive a slap from Louisa. "How dare you!" She screams in my face. Wilder comes in quickly. "You will not hit or yell at him." He says in a deep voice. Haymitch, the victor of the 50th games comes over. "Big words for such a small boy." He says with a grin. He turns to Louisa. "Louisa, dear, how about you not hit our newest victor." He says.