Hiding Behind an Open Door

Chapter 3

(TW: Suicide, Self-Harm, and Panic Attacks mentioned. Mostly in past tense)

Elisa is checking the mailbox outside their parents' house and sees an invitation to a five-year reunion at the high school the group graduated from, and surprisingly Hazel also went there.

"Look at this," Elisa says, throwing the letter onto the table. The group all agree that they would love to go there and see all of their old classmates, except for Sophie and Elisa who didn't really want to go.

"Should we go?" Sophie asks.

"Please? Pretty please?" Anthony and Ian beg in unison.

"Don't listen to them. You both don't have to if you don't want to," Anna says.

"Ah, sure. Why not?" Elisa says.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Anthony says, kinda worried.

"It's okay, I'll be okay Ant," Elisa says to Anthony. Anthony looks at Ian with a concerned look, he walks over to Ian.

"What if they're lying just to make us not worry about them?" Anthony says.

"Anthony, calm down. If they are, we'll know where they are. Okay?" Ian says. Anthony nods and walks over to his fiancé. He hears Elisa and Sophie talking in a conversation that doesn't calm his nerves.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Sophie asks.

"No, but if I feel triggered I'll just go onto the roof and just sit there," Elisa says. Anthony panics and basically runs over to Ian which scares Ian, Sophie, and Elisa.

"Do you think he heard us?" Elisa asks. Sophie nods.

"Dude, what? What's wrong?" Ian asks.

"Elisa is going to kill themselves," Anthony says.

"What!?" Ian exclaims.

"No, no I'm not. I knew you heard me," Elisa says. They sigh and continue.

"I said that if I get triggered I would go to the roof," Elisa sees Anthony starting to panic and realizes that he needs to get to a quieter place. They walk over to him. "Come on, let's get you to the guest bedroom," Anthony nods and walks into the bedroom.

"Is he okay?" Anna asks.

"Yeah, he's just going to get a panic attack. But he'll be okay. I'm going to try to calm him down," Elisa says. They walk over to Anthony, and Ian stops them. "Ian, he's going to be fine," Elisa sees Ian visually calm down.

"I'm sorry," Anthony says while Elisa closes the door. "I'm sorry for messing everything up,"

"What do you mean?" Elisa asks.

"If it weren't for me forcing you to speak up about the self-harm, you wouldn't have attempted suicide," he says, on the verge of tears.

"But Ant, you saved me. You and Ian stopped me from killing myself," they say. Anthony is crying at this point. "Okay, yeah you did force me when I said that I didn't want to, but it isn't your fault,"

"Yes, it is, okay? I made you think about doing it," he says, sobbing.

"No, you didn't. My parents did," they say. Anthony looks at them confused. "They kept arguing and I felt like it was my fault. Look if it wasn't for you and Ian, I either wouldn't be here or I would be injured or worse, in a fucking mental hospital," they both laugh. "But I'm still alive,"

"True," he says, a little calmer. "But the self-harm, that was my fault,"

"Nope, it's Jake's," they say.

"Toxic boyfriend, right," he says.

"None of this is your or Ian's fault, it's my fault however for not telling you. I chose not to tell you or anyone because I thought it wouldn't matter, boy was I wrong," they say. Anthony stops crying and starts to walk towards the door. "That's it, that's what you were panicking about," Anthony nods. Elisa sighs, chuckles, and walks over to Anthony.

"Or no, there's something I haven't told you," he says. Elisa looks at him very gently, as if to say 'What's wrong?' "I don't want to go to New York,"

"Oh, why?" Elisa says calmly.

"Because I don't want to leave Ian behind," Anthony says.

"Hey, don't worry about him. Like he said before, you too can always FaceTime. Besides, he has a girlfriend," Elisa says.

"Oh yeah, Hazel. His secret girlfriend. I remember someone who kept their relationship a secret too, oh wait, it was you," Anthony says, teasingly.

"What's the actual reason you don't want to go to New York?" Elisa asks.

"I'm worried that Anna is going to find someone more handsome or someone who treats her better," Anthony responds.

"You can ask her and she's going to say the same thing as me, there is no way in hell she's going to leave you. I mean come on, you too are engaged. She loves you, ever so dearly, I can tell," they say.

"Yeah, okay. You're right, how did you do this?" he says, opening the door.

"It's magic," Elisa says, jokingly. "I've had many panic attacks, I know what calms me down, so I did the same thing,"

"Twice," Anthony added.