The Love We Give

Me Without You

This chapter takes place some weeks after chapter 3.
After some intimacy in the last chapter, I feel like now is the right time for some angst.
The relationship between Erwin and Sira is explored a little bit more - look forward to chapter 5 for an even deeper dive on the siblings' story.
(Note: I decided to give Erwin's and Sira's father a name in this chapter.)

Song recommendation for this chapter:
"Sæglópur" by Sigur Rós

Hange had suffered a fractured bone in her arm that day; nothing an arm sling and a bit of rest couldn't fix in a few weeks. Much worse than her injury was Commander Shadis' wrath, as the squad's mission finally unfolded before his eyes. While he forced every single member of both squads to cleaning duties for a month, they had still achieved what they wanted to: The Commander had to inform the higher ups about successfully capturing a titan and so, Erwin was appointed the title of Section Commander, since he had insisted of having been the leader of this mission. It was his attempt to not sell out his sister, who had initially come up with their plan; but their punishment still stood the same. Capturing the titan also meant that Shadis finally had to give in to Hange's proposal of doing research on a living one, so a camp had been set up outside of Trost, where they had put the titan between trees in an effort to secure his body. Of course the Commander made clear that, once it would escape, it's elimination was entirely up to Hange, no matter if she'd go down with it together or not, but he had given her his permission to follow her interests and provide frequent results.

So, despite the Commander's anger and his punishment, the six of them had achieved just what they all wanted and for some time, their spirits were high up in clouds, even if cleaning duties in the headquarter was terrible.

Hange and Sira would spend a lot of time outside of Trost then, as the squad leader observed many aspects of their captured titan. She had lovingly given him the name Tiny, as he wasn't the tallest of his kind, but it only made studying him a bit easier, Sira thought. She helped Hange write down all of her questions and answers, sometimes even helping her with sorting her own thoughts, as she was just so ecstatic about all these new possibilities unfolding in front of her.

For some weeks by now, it had been just the two of them again and again, most of their time, which Sira didn't mind at all. But somehow, somewhere along the lines, it had started to feel that Hange did. That she minded.

At first, Sira thought it was just the possibility of Hange finally being able to get behind her research, but something felt different. Something felt off between them, and she couldn't put her finger on it what it was. Ever since that night she had spent in Hange's room, she would only sleep there two more times. Their lips didn't find each other for as much as they did and sometimes, Sira wondered if Hange dwelled in her research on purpose, as if she was avoiding her. Again and again, Sira would try to establish more of a closeness again, more touches, more looks and smiles. But it felt as if there was coming less and less from all of that from Hange's side and Sira worried about the reason behind it. More than one time, Hange wouldn't thank her for watching out for her; whenever Sira made sure she would eat and drink enough, she would always say she shouldn't have or that she didn't have to worry about her. Sometimes, when Sira asked to accompany her to the camp on her day off, Hange would insist on taking Moblit with her and every time, when it felt like Hange pushed her away, Sira felt more and more helpless about what was happening to them.

When the two of them had set out to the camp on this day, Sira had made up her mind about asking Hange what was bothering her lately. The words she had laid out in her head felt heavy on her, like a dark cloud hovering over her. But suddenly, everything between them seemed to be so disturbed by something Sira was unaware of and she hated how distant the two of them felt.