The Love We Give

Flashback 02 - Stargazing

The second flashback chapter of the story. The events happening here take place a few days after the end of chapter 3.
You're about to dive deeper into the relationship of the Smith siblings, as well as the conversation Hange overheard in chapter 4.
Important note regarding ages: Sira is still 20 right now and I figured Erwin is her older brother by ten years, meaning he is 30 at this point. I had to tweak his AOT timeline a bit, to make it make sense, but it doesn't change a lot.

Song recommendation for this chapter:
"Erica 2022 Remastered" by MoppySound

"Ah, I thought you'd be here.", Erwin's deep voice came from behind her when he looked out of the window from the highest floor of the Scout's headquarters, as he saw his sister laying on her back, one hand under her head. The way he found her, her eyes searching the night sky for stars, reminded him of the many times back at home, when everything still felt like there would be a life of joy and ease ahead of both of them. It reminded him of the many times they had all sat down in their garden – Sira, him, and their father. Erwin felt like it was only yesterday that she would sit in their father's lap, her short hair in pigtails, just four or five years old. He couldn't help but smile at this fond memory of his. She would lean back against their father's chest, pointing up with one finger, while tightly holding onto a stuffed animal with her other hand and then ask about the stars. "Which one's this? And which one's that? Erwin, which one do you like the most? Can you see the three stars in a line? That's us!" – it was as if he could still vividly hear her childlike voice in his ears. It was as if he could still vividly see the loving expression on their father's face, when he looked at Sira and just how carefree and unaware she was of the life around them. The way she lay here now in front of him, one leg bent and the star's lights reflecting in her eyes, he couldn't help but feel nostalgic of the times that had been.

He climbed through the open window onto the roof, as Sira slowly sat up again, looking over her shoulder to face her brother. She gave him a smile; maybe she was reminded of those times, too. "May I?", he asked, looking at the spot right next to her but receiving just an eyeroll from his sister, before sitting down anyway. "You know you don't have to be so formal when it's just the two of us, right? Or have you forgotten that I'm your sister?", she scolded him with a grin, bumping her elbow against his sides, "You can't tell me you have forgotten about all the times we bickered and fought, especially when it came to dad's cake. So, don't you formal-speech me when we're on our own, Erwin. Or do you, like... need a reminder that you can act normal around me? Do you want to start a fight or something?" Sira couldn't help but laugh and it felt contagious to Erwin, letting out a quiet laugh as well. "Mind you, it was never me who started these fights." – "Oh, shut up now. You always wanted the middle part of dad's cake and tried to be quicker than me. Don't act like I'm making things up now, I know exactly what happened back then." Again, the siblings shared a laugh; both noticing that heavy feeling, that heavy atmosphere, that was in the air all of a sudden, despite their fun talks.

"Do you think about this a lot? Our childhood?", Erwin eventually asked, after both of them had been quiet for some minutes. It was him, now, who looked up at the sky, his elbows resting on his knees. Sira's eyes followed his before she slowly leaned against his shoulder, resting her hand on Erwin's. "Sometimes, yeah. I'm not sure I remember a lot, to be fair. But there's some memories, you know. Like you, getting up one night to cut into your birthday cake early, that dad had prepared for the next day. Just to find me in the kitchen already and see me eating it.", Sira told him, again, a laugh escaping her lips that she just couldn't hold back. She looked back to her brother who had done the same as they both realised, they had tears in their eyes now.

"Why are we crying, Erwin?", Sira hesitantly asked him and he could hear how insecure she was about this question. "I don't know.", he answered, squeezing his fingers around hand and holding on to her. He leaned his head against hers, finally closing his eyes and feeling the burning tears on his face. Sira snuffled, wiping her free hand over her face and looking up at the sky again. "I think I also remember some of those nights. When we would lay outside after it had gotten dark. It's almost like I can still feel grass on my legs. Do you remember how the light always shined through the window in dad's bedroom? He'd always work late, when we were still outside. Sometimes, I think, he wanted to go to bed earlier, but he'd always wait until we were back inside the house. I think you knew that, didn't you? You just... never had the heart to tell me that we should go to bed, because I'd always ramble about the stars like there was no tomorrow.", she continued to recount, feeling Erwin squeeze her hand just a bit. "I knew, yeah. But who was I, to stop you from rambling to me? You were, what? Six? Seven? Father always wanted us to stick together, I'm sure that's why he wouldn't call us back inside."