eyes don't lie

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My heart races as he stands before me, his eyes lock onto mine with an intensity that sends shivers down my spine. He is inches away, and the tension in the air crackles like electricity. We are alone in this building, alone with nothing stopping us, nothing but ourselves.

His gaze bores into my soul, searching for something that I am only beginning to understand myself, a whole plane of existence that I have never had the chance to explore. I can feel his warmth, his presence, enveloping me like a protective shield, showing me to not be afraid of this. But it is also a challenge to my ability to trust again, a test of how far this connection between us will go.

My breath catches in my throat as he takes a step closer, and I instinctively retreat, my back pressing against the cold, unforgiving wall - even if I didn't want to be further from him, the instinct takes over for a moment. The shadows of my past whisper in my ear, urging me to push him away, to protect myself, to run and never look back. But he is different, they all are. They have been there, every step of the way, patiently helping me piece together the shattered fragments of my heart and mind. These boys, no, these men are different, they aren't like the ones I have had to deal with in the past.

His hand, trembling slightly, reaches up to brush a strand of hair from my face, his fingers graze my cheek, so tender it feels like a caress from a gentle breeze. The gentle touch as he tucks the piece of hair behind my ear causes me to hold my breath, not daring to move or ruin this. The scars of my past feel raw and exposed, and yet, his touch is like a soothing salve. This is the closest I have ever been with him, the most isolated I have ever been with any of them.

The world around us seems to fade into the background as he leans in, his lips hovering just inches from mine, his forehead gently resting against my own. My eyes cast downwards towards those lips that are dangerously close, teasing. Every nerve in my body screams with anticipation and excitement, fear creeping ever so slightly from the whispers in my subconscious.

'Could I really let myself feel this vulnerable with them?'

My chest tightens as his breath mingles with mine, his warm exhales sending shivers down my spine. I feel my knees give in slightly on me, but his hand, strong as ever, holds me up, keeping me at the perfect place in case we choose to do this. The world has grown hushed, and time itself seems to stand still.

I see the vulnerability in his eyes, the raw emotions mirroring in my own, our minds both whirling with what the other could be thinking or feeling in this moment. He is waiting, giving me the choice, letting me decide the pace. His lips are so close now, teasingly close, but he will wait forever if I need him to - I know that much is true.

The weight of everything we have been through, everything I have shared with them, hangs heavy in the back of my mind, but looking into those eyes, it silences all the doubt and confusion. At this moment, it is he and I, not another soul, no prying eyes. My breathing hitches for a moment as I tilt my head up slightly, my lips grazing against his own, testing the waters. I hear a noise of exasperation coming from him, low from his chest. I don't mean to make him frustrated, but my nerves and fear of what this could change makes me stall.

As our breaths intertwine and our lips hover dangerously close, I feel a tumultuous storm of emotions raging within me. For months, I have wondered what it would feel like to kiss them, and now I am here, I hesitate, I hold back. I move my mouth, meaning to apologize for causing this aggravating tension, when his fingers gently rub over my lips, pulling the bottom one down slightly for a moment.

"Don't say anything, just show me what you want..."