~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 36

The next morning, Dino sits down in the couch tired. He barely slept because he kept thinking about Wonwoo, how did he never notice before? Dino remembers Jun having his doubts, back then Dino was so confident Wonwoo would never lie to him. Now that Dino thinks about it, there were so many moments where he could have guessed it, but Dino refused to doubt his best friend. Dino sighs while he grabs his phone, no matter how important it might be, Dino is not going to meet Joshua today. The brunette just knows that they will end up fighting and that's really the last thing he needs right now. Right when Dino sends the message to Joshua, Scoups walks out of his room while he rubs his forehead yawning.
"Good morning", Dino says and Scoups only nods in response before he walks to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Dino knows Scoups can barely function without his morning coffee. 
"How was your day yesterday?" Dino asks and Scoups grabs a cup while he answers.
"It was all right, I visited Kyle again", he says, his back still towards Dino. The younger blinks interested, it has been ages since he has seen Kyle.
"How was he?" Dino asks curiously.
"He was doing okay, the typical jail stuff", Scoups answers shrugging.
"What do you mean, 'typical jail stuff'?" Dino asks chuckling.
"Nothing, you wouldn't understand", Scoups answers and the words have a deeper impact than they were supposed to have. I wouldn't understand because I never went to jail. An awkward silence forms between the two, the only thing Dino can hear is the coffee pourring into Scoups' cup. 
"I'm sorry, I didn't...", Scoups says after a while, but Dino lifts his hand to stop him.
"No, it's all right. And besides, it's true. I will never really know how it is", Dino says and Scoups smiles relieved.
"Have you also been thinking about Wonwoo a lot?" Dino adds after a brief silence.
"I have been thinking about everyone, actually", Scoups admits while he sits down right next to Dino. 
"How so?" Dino asks and Scoups takes a sip of his coffee before he answers.
"It's just weird and frustrating. I'm trying to protect everyone, but all these people are dying because of me", Scoups says and Dino looks him in the eye.
"That is not true!" Dino exclaims in defense, but Scoups shakes his head.
"It is. Woozi died because he was my roommate, same for Hoshi. Everyone else was also to take me, Stray kids was always trying to get me. You have been kidnapped twice to get me, Jun died to save me, even Seungmin died because of me", Scoups rants and Dino hears a slight tremble in his voice.
"Jeonghan didn't die for you", Dino says carefully and he's glad Joshua isn't in the room. He knows how sensitive that topic is.
"Because I was in the hospital", Scoups mumbles with his head hanging low. Dino's eyes soften, he didn't know Scoups blames himself this much.
"Is it weird that I'm happy for Wonwoo?" Scoups suddenly says and Dino blinks confused.
"Happy for what?" he asks and Scoups hesitates a few seconds before he speaks.
"His cancer", he says and Dino stares at him in disbelief.
"How could you be happy for him? He's dying!" Dino exclaims and Scoups takes his time to answer.
"Maybe because now I'm sure he won't die because of me. Or maybe I'm even jealous of him", Scoups admits and Dino understands less by the minute.
"What? How?" he asks.
"Wonwoo won't have to face all this misery. He won't have to live with every single death. If I'm honest, sometimes I think it's better for me to die", Scoups says and the words hit Dino like a bomb.
"What? Don't say that!" Dino yells, he doesn't want Scoups to kill himself.
"But it's true," Scoups objects, "all this misery is because of me. If I'm dead, maybe you guys will finally find peace and be safe again. I can't watch you all die for me anymore", Scoups says and Dino can't believe his ears.
"I won't", he says and Scoups looks him in the eye confused.
"What?" he asks.
"I won't find peace. What will I do without you? I can't imagine a life without you anymore, I'm serious. Without you, I would have been long dead", Dino tries to convince Scoups, but the older only shakes his head.
"Without me, you wouldn't have been in danger in the first place", Scoups mumbles and Dino wants to make a comment, but suddenly the front door opens and Joshua is standing in front of them. He looks furious and Dino swallows his spit scared. He still finds it creepy that Joshua has the key, but Dino knows that Joshua is here for him, which makes it a thousand times creepier.
"Can you give us a moment?" Joshua asks Scoups and the former leader nods his head confused before he leaves to his room. Now, Dino is alone with Joshua, but he still thinks about his conversation with Scoups.
"So you think you can just deny my demands?" Joshua asks angry and Dino sighs annoyed.
"I don't have time for this", he says and he didn't lie, Scoups' words keep on running through Dino's mind. Does his friend really want to die?
"I don't care", Joshua snarls.
"You never care, do you?" Dino snaps and Joshua blinks surprised.
"Excuse me?" the leader asks offended.
"You never care about others. It always has to go the way you want it to go. What if I don't have time today? Is that so weird? It's not because you want to meet up today that I want to meet up as well", Dino says and he crosses his arms. Joshua waits a minute before he opens his mouth.
"So you really think that I don't care?" Joshua asks, suspiciously calm. Dino only nods.
"I don't know if you realize, but the world isn't turning just for you. People are dying and they are my responsibility. Do you even realize how many people died because of you?" Joshua asks and Dino can't help but think about what Scoups just said a few minutes ago. All these people are dying because of me. Because Dino doesn't answer, Joshua scoffs.
"And you're saying I don't care", Joshua adds and Dino clenches his fists frustrated.
"Give me one example", Dino says.
"What?" Joshua asks confused.
"You're saying that people are dying because of me, give me one example", Dino repeats and Joshua crosses his arms while he doesn't break eye contact.
"You don't even remember?" he asks offended. "Jeonghan." Dino knew that Joshua was going to say that name, who else would Joshua think of? Even when he's dead, Jeonghan still rules Joshua's whole life. It's kind of sad.
"I knew it", Dino states scoffing.
"Knew what?" Joshua asks puzzled.
"Jeonghan," Dino says, "you cannot think of anybody else, can you?" Dino smiles satisfied when he watches Joshua being speechless.
"It's been two years, Joshua. Jeonghan is dead, he won't come back. Jeez, grow up! You can mourn someone's death but this is getting problematic!" Dino adds and his confidence soon turns into fear as Joshua suddenly snaps and runs up to him. The leader grabs his collar and pushes him against the wall, pushing all air out of Dino.
"Say that again, I dare you", Joshua grits through his teeth and Dino can't deny that he's scared, but this is what he wanted.
"Everything in your life is ruled by Jeonghan, even if he's dead. 'Jeonghan would've loved this', 'would Jeonghan be proud of me?', 'look at me, I'm Joshua and I love a dead man named Jeonghan'." Joshua widens his eyes in anger and slams Dino against the wall again. Dino knows that Scoups must have heard this. Now his roommate can finally see how mad Joshua has become. But to his disappointment, Scoups doesn't show up. Instead, Dino is still facing an angry Joshua. Dino feels a shiver rush past his spine when he sees a murderous look in his eyes, as if he wants blood. 
"You can be shitty to me, but this crosses the line", Joshua growls and Dino is speechless.
"Jeonghan did nothing wrong to you, he is the reason you are still standing here! And how do you thank him? You use him to shit on me!" Joshua adds and Dino starts to feel a little bit guilty. Joshua isn't wrong, he shouldn't talk bad about Jeonghan. But Dino isn't feeling guilty enough to quit. Dino turns off his emotions before he speaks up.
"So what? It's not like he's still here to stop me", Dino scoffs and Joshua's eyes widen.
"You fucking brat!" he yells as he slams Dino into the wall again. Come on, this time, Scoups must think something is wrong, right? And indeed, within a second, Scoups stands in the living room. He's staring at the scene in shock.
"What the fuck is happening here?" he asks, Dino hears his anger rising in his voice. Joshua stares at Scoups in disbelief and then he looks at Dino. Dino watches his eyes while he sees Joshua slowly realizing the whole point. 
"Oh, you are a dead man", Joshua whispers in Dino's ear before he lets go. Dino takes a deep breath and he has trouble hiding the satisfied look in his eyes. Scoups is still staring at the two of them in shock.
"I'm waiting for my answer", he says while he crosses his arms. Dino can't help but think about when Scoups was still a leader. He was deffinitely way better than Joshua. The room stays silent and Dino is starting to doubt. What should he say? If he tells Scoups he talked about Jeonghan like that, he knows that his roommate wil also be furious. Dino wants to open his mouth to say something, but Joshua interrupts him.
"I was just inviting Dino to a team meeting this afternoon", Joshua says and Dino blinks confused. Why would Joshua lie? Scoups seems to be surprised and a bit suspicious too, but he doesn't ask further.
"You're invited too. Be there at three. You know, the usual place", Joshua tells Scoups before he turns around and leaves. Dino watches Scoups standing still in shock for a few seconds before his friend turns towards him.
"Are you okay?" he asks and Dino nods. 
"Totally," he says, "let's go. We have a meeting to be at." Scoups still looks pretty confused, but he doesn't object. Dino has to admit that he's a bit scared because of Joshua's threat, but Joshua wouldn't hurt him on a team meeting, right?

~<*>~ 

"Are you sure you'll be fine?" Mingyu asks in disbelief as he stares at Wonwoo. His friend with glasses nods his head frustrated.
"Yes, I feel great. Those new medicines are a miracle", he says and Mingyu can't deny that Wonwoo has been acting way better today. They went to the hospital again after Dino's visit and the doctors gave Wonwoo some medicine which would relieve his pain. Since this morning, Wonwoo has been like before, he even got the courage to call Scoups, Vernon and Seungkwan to tell them about his cancer. Now, Wonwoo wants to go to that meeting Joshua suddenly invited everyone to. And if Wonwoo is able to go, why would Mingyu stop him?
"All right, we'll go", Mingyu gives in and Wonwoo's eyes sparkle of excitement. 
"Thank you so much!" he yells and he runs over to Mingyu to hug him. While he wraps his arms around Wonwoo, Mingyu feels warmth in his body again. It has been ages since he saw sparkles in Wonwoo's eyes and Mingyu suddenly feels hope again.
"We'll be all right", Wonwoo mumbles as if he can read Mingyu's mind. Mingyu smiles, for the first time in a while, and hugs Wonwoo tighter.
"Do you really think so?" he asks and Wonwoo nods.
"I really believe it", he says and Mingyu can hear the confidence in his voice.
"Maybe I really will be that five percent", Wonwoo says and Mingyu chuckles. Wonwoo has always been special to him, maybe he's also special to the world.
"If you believe in it, than I believe it too", Mingyu says and he knows Wonwoo is smiling right now. For the first time, they're feeling hope again.