Boys will be Bugs

Why me? Why now?

That night after school Ant couldn't drive me home and my house is too far to walk to who decides to offer a ride, Spider. If i wasn't in desperate need of a ride i would probably try and slap him. He dropped me off at my house and I think he's just going to let me out and drive away, but for some unknown reason he comes inside with me. He says it's because 'He wanted to meet my family' but I know for a fact he just wanted to spend more time with me. I reluctantly showed him to my room as I quickly rushed him past my mum hoping he wouldn't say anything stupid. We enter my room and he immediately just walks around looking at all my movie posters I found off pinterest hanging up in rows along with all the album covers. "god you're really into music and movies" he says as he traces the paper with his fingers then he reaches my desk. I realise what's on top of it so I sprint over and grab the sheets of paper. "hey are you keeping things from he" he said as he tried to grab the paper "nothing just why are you still here" i said wanting him to just leave "what's wrong with wanting to hang out with a friend" he said putting his hand on my shoulder "it would be fine if we were just friends but we both know that's not true" i said as he took a step towards me to where he's fully standing over me "oh so we are more than just friends" he says with a smirk "i don't know look spider why are you here" I say getting more annoyed and sad i walk towards the bed and sit down him coming to sit next to me with his hand on my back.

"Look, just say the word and I'll go, just say that you don't wanna see me again and I'll never bother you again." We both face each other and for some reason I can't. I just can't tell him to go. He is my addiction for as much as i know it's bad for me i also can't not see him. "Nothing makes sense when i'm not with you" I said while a tear wells up in my eye. "Hey Ang it's okay come here" he opens his arms and I rest my head on his shoulder. He wipes my eyes and we both lie back "I just feel like everyone expects so much from me, I'm always too much or not enough for everyone. I'm too much for my siblings yet I'm not enough for my mum and I'm never good enough for her, why cant she just be proud of me for once, I'm too much for my old friends and since I transferred here we stopped hanging out. I'm not enough for any because he deserves someone so much better than me i'm literally crying to my boyfriends best friend and the whole world is just closing in" i realise by the end of it i'm fully crying now "sorry for venting" i can feel the cold tears run down my face. "It's okay and I get like that sometimes my mums a bit of a dick too" he puts his warm and comforting hand. I feel like everything just might be okay. "You know spider as much as your a probbo you're actually a pretty good listener" I look up to him, his messy blond hair, 1 stupid dangly earring, his probbo beliefs and for all this stuff he puts up he is actually a nice guy. Our lips meet and it's like for the first time I'm seeing this different side of him. It might be because for years he had tried to get his attention. I had the biggest crush on him from year 6 to year 9. He was all I could think about then in year 9 I realised he didn't even know my name. So why was he suddenly all interested? Why me? Why now?