Deluge of Desolation | l. ackerman

Day by Day

"We are forlorn like children, and experienced like old men, we are crude and sorrowful and superficial—I believe we are lost."

Erich Maria Remarque

(chapter 24)

Working consistently, day and night, for a week was draining. There were few times where I was able to rest, but even then it was usually a short nap on the hard surface of the workbench or against a tree during hand-to-hand combat. Kemmerich kindly turned a blind-eye to my lax behavior, understanding the work I offered to take on.

Levi ended up getting his morning's rest. Whether he spent it actually sleeping in or resting inside of his office, the tactic worked. He was much calmer and less easy to provoke those following hours, which was a great feat. He continues to deny the fact that he needed the rest, but who am I to stop him from indulging in his delusions when I alone can make an entire novel series based on mine?

By the fourth day of constantly balancing work between constructing the components for the anti-titan spears, discreetly helping Levi with his paperwork, and ODM training, I could proudly say that the next step to assembling the spears together was near, earlier than Erwin had asked too. I wore the dark circles under my eyes like a trophy because I had constructed the gear all by myself (my assertions with Erwin did not bode too well) while Hange worked with Eren and his hardening. To say I was proud of myself would be an understatement. And if they end up failing then I'll just blame that on my sleep deprivation...hah.

I was in Hange's lab once again, wiping the chalkboard clean with a cigarette loosely hanging from my lips, garbed in my casual wear with my hair messily tied up in a ponytail, when Levi abruptly came in bearing concerning news. "I'm heading out with my squad, we'll be gone for a while, maybe a week or two. Erwin didn't want me to tell you this, but I trust you and I knew you'd be pestering everyone 'till you got an answer." He hurriedly said. The man was also in his casual clothes, a bag strapped to his shoulder and cloak loosely in his hands. He looked stressed, so I didn't inquire for more information.

"'Kay..." I drew, not truly understanding the extremities of his words.

"Hange's squad will be in and out with us, so I fear production of the new spears will be solely left to you, June. Though you've done well thus far, so I have no concern." Levi informed with a slight tone of sympathy.

"Ordered by whom?"

"Erwin."

"That's funny," I muse, "He was so quick to turn down my plea to leave construction in my hands."

"Desperate times, desperate measures."

"To think that leaving me in charge is a desperate measure." I shook my head. Just when I thought I would be able to get a full night's rest. "I'll do what I must to ensure victory, just as you and everyone else are." Levi nodded, still looking at me. I inhaled another puff of smoke. He glared at the action, but said nothing in return. The captain then nodded, after a moment's silence, making way back into the hallway. "Stay safe." I call out, knowing whatever may be occurring has something to do with Eren and, possibly, Historia.

Vacantly staring at the door, I let my thoughts run wild. Erwin doesn't trust me. He probably never will again, at least not to the extent he once did. Letting me take charge in the production of our trump card was a show of respect and trust, but in his defense, I was the only one capable of running such experiments as Hange has been occupied with Eren.

Flicking the excess ash into a glass tray, I lean against the workbench with my head in the palms of my hands. Exhaust swallowed my body, my movements became languid and slow, as did my thoughts. If I continued with this for any longer, I would surely be putting this production at risk of failing, and that was not something I cared to do.