Metanoia

28

Kamala pov...

How could I let this happen in front of Ashton?

I wouldn't have minded if he wasn't here to witness all of that but he was. They even used this to calm me down. Why would they fuck do that?! I hate when Ashton sees me like this. I'm not a good mother.

I've never been a good mother right from the beginning.

Him being kidnapped when he was baby, not being the one to find him, exposing the truth to him at such a young age. How could I let all that happen as his mother? He's only three years old.

My baby.

"It's okay, let it all out." I hear Jennie. I feel her rubbing my back as she pulls me closer to her. I cry as she moves my hair out of my face. "Kamala, everything is fine. Okay?" I shake my head.

"Ashton, he... he saw everything." I stutter over my words. "He saw me get angry, he saw me try and attack my own mother; he saw everything." I suddenly sat up. "What if he's scared of me now?" I look at her, shaking my head frantically.

"No, he's not. You're his mother and you would never do anything to hurt him, okay?" she grabs my face, wiping the tears.

I can't believe I let this happen.

I sniff, brushing my hair out of my face. "Where is he? I want to apologise and tell him I will never get angry at him like that." I stand up but fall to the ground because of how dizzy I felt. Fuck, "Kamala, you need to rest." Jennie bends down in front of me.

She grabs my arm and helps me up.

"Have you eaten?" she asks me and I shake my head, trying to focus my vision. She sighs, "I'll get you something to eat. Koda called Jay to come over and is talking to your parents right now. Turns out they both have IED as well."

I look at her confused.

"Your Dad's parents weren't really all that they seemed. They were abusive, his sister committed suicide leaving him alone with them. His childhood was a mess causing anger issues. Your mum, well... you know. Kiet."

I sigh, rubbing my face with my hands.

"They met each other and soon realised they were both able to calm each other down and bond over their trauma." She rubs my back. Tears rolled down my face again. And I thought they both didn't know anything about what I went through.

They were abused they're whole childhood as well.

Fuck! I feel sick.

"I'll be back okay. I'll bring food, medicine and sleeping pills so you can sleep properly." I just nod, giving her a small smile even though I want to scream. "Thank you." she kisses my cheek. "Anything for you." She stands up and leaves.

I pushed myself further into the bed and got under the covers since I was getting cold. When did I become like this? I was never this disrespectful. Ahh! I'm so fucking fustrated with everything!

The door opens and I turn to see Jay. I wiped my face, "Hey, Trinity told me everything." He sits next to me in my bed, under the covers. "I don't even know what happened." I mumble, playing with my hands.

"I don't even know why I would say those things to my own father." Tears flowed down my face. "Hey, it's okay. You were angry, that's all." He rests my head on his shoulder. "Still, I was able to control it then. It was after my mother slapped me. She heard everything I said." I sigh, wiping my face.

"I deserved it anyway. I've been a bitch since the day we rescued her in Germany." I lift my head up and look at him. "Am I dumping all of this on you?" He looked at me like I was crazy. Yeah, a crazy bitch.