Loving in the end

Day to day life (entry number 4.)

Day to day life is hard.. ir's hard to get used to the idea of these love killers coming out each night, keeping a normal life with them is impossible thats why a lot of us just live indoors.

For the people who do go outside, you must be inside by sunset! Unless your a non lover.. but everyone loves someone in my mind. Even the most heartless people love someone (like Soren.. asshole.)
and I've figured that out over the years of being in this camp

If you need food or supplies to live then you must travel to the nearest safe house before the afternoon, the resource centers have many different resources for people to live off of, like food, water, medication and anything else the gatherers can get into the safe houses,

although at sunset the shadows stalk the houses becuase they know it's where most people travel. The shadows cannot get into houses with light, so lights MUST stay on if you want to live but if you have no lights they can freely be anywhere,

another thing about these creatures is they feed off of love as you've probably figured out from me talking about it how I have.
The lust and love in a human body keeps them going. It keeps them thriving long enough to destroy more and more relationships and destroy families and just kill to kill.. to kill to survive.

Anyways.. Me and Ant have been close to a shadow before... but thankfully we escaped.. although I feel that is a story for another time I guess. I hate having to live in this fear of love, I hate not being about to love my one true soulmate in this world. And those thoughts make me a danger.

A danger to Ant and a danger to everyone that's why I try so hard to just stop thinking to stop trying to love but it's so hard it's so hard to leave who you are behind like nothing... I guess it's fine if I tell that story now then.. so here I go.

       ~~~~~flashback time~~~~~~

The week after my parents were attacked..  me and Ant decided to go to "our spot" it was a little wooden bridge in the woods out back of Ants house, it went over a small creek that had tadpoles and little frogs in it.. the water was clear and the rocks in the water shimmered with the sun reflecting onto them.. it was OUR spot..

We had went there a lot to escape.. it was somewhere where we could escape and just BE us. It was beautiful and perfect.. (god I miss it there. I miss those days those days were so great.) But anyways..

As we sat on the bridge with our feet hanging off, to high up to touch the water, unless you forced yourself  to hang off the bridge halfway that is..
we sat on that bridge and just talked. We talked for hours like the world wasn't spinning around us.. eventually it faded to sunset..

I reached over slowly placing one hand on Ants thigh.. I turned and used my other hand to hold his cheek in my hand slowly moving my head near his.. his lips near mine.. it would've been perfect. After all that happened in the last week and all the struggles and feelings of being crazy for seeing what I saw I NEEDED this. I needed to kiss him.

As I pulled him closer I felt his breath combine with mine.. my lips against his and him kissing me back into it. It was perfect it was all I could've asked for.. but of course things had to end.

As we kissed I heard rumbles in the woods a little out farther.. my heart started racing. It sounded too big to be a deer and too sneaky to be a bear.. I looked at Ant with fear in my eyes as he looked at me with confusion on why I stopped our kiss, our first moment we have ever had like that..

"We should go.. now." I said in a panicked voice to Ant.

He looked at me confused for a second but trusted me, he nodded his head in agreement and we ran back into his house locking the doors behind us..

We sat down on the couch in awkward silence not knowing what just happened or not wanting to think that I overreacted and ruined our moment.

"Look I'm so-.." just then my voice was cut off by a loud alarm sound that the tv had started making.. I walked into the room with the tv as it read..

"EMERGENCY, PLEASE STAY INSIDE AND LOCK YOUR DOORS, NO EXITING UNTIL OUR NEXT NOTICE"

My heart had dropped even farther and I ran back to Ant with my eyes watering and tearing up.. I told him what it had said and he hurried to go make sure the doors and windows were locked and the blinds were closed or down.

"Look it's ok, it's ok, we're gonna be ok it's probably nothing you know the news overreacts sometimes.." He said to me with caring eyes yet I could tell he was scared too.

Why wasn't Ant worried about what happened to my parents?.. he didn't believe it at first.. he thought my trauma had finally gotten to me and that I just needed to leave home for awhile..

Whatever it was in the woods could have killed us. And somehow I knew exactly what it was already...

~~~~~~~~~~end of flashback~~~~~~~~

So yea.. that's how it all ended up happening. That's enough for the night I believe..

Till next time my alien readers.. or whoever finds this fucking diary when I'm dead..  never mind that's a sad way to end my longest entry and probably my most important, hopefully I won't die hopefully this will end before then.. I can only hope so, anyways that's all I have to write for tonight.. goodnight.

-Jason.