Dear God,
As detrimental as it seems a knuckleball is one of the worst pitches both you and life can throw at me, after all this one may move a little slow but it is quite unpredictable. Until I realized, the worst pitch you both could throw at me was a fastball. In baseball, a fastball is the most direct pitch a pitcher could throw at a batter. For me, a fastball is a ball thrown at me to speed up my life in a 2x speed, I mean that is why it's called a fastball, no? But god, I would really appreciate it if you don't throw me a fastball whenever my breaks are rolling by. What? I need my relaxation too, and a few days going in 2x speed is not enough. It feels as if I'm not getting paid enough to even live life!
Come on god pay your workers properly! You oughta be a good boss and give me quite a few breaks from life you know, after all, life is quite the cranky guy. Pitching me every type of pitch whenever it gets the chance! Geez, call it bullying much?!
Sincerely,
Your overworked soldier
