As I slowly woke up, I was met with a pounding headache that felt like a relentless hammer striking the inside of my skull. My mouth is super dry, and the nausea is overwhelming as I begin struggling to sit up. The room spins, and the bright light filtering through the window feels like daggers stabbing into my eyes. Every movement sends waves of discomfort through my entire body, and the thought of getting out of bed is daunting.
My stomach churns as I am hit with a wave of intense queasiness, and the smell of alcohol lingering on my breath makes me feel even worse. My muscles ache, my joints feel stiff and sore, and even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. I feel a heavy fog of exhaustion and confusion clouding my mind, making it difficult to focus on anything.
I'm going to be honest I really regret drinking too much and the sense of guilt for putting myself in this state. As I try to piece together the events of the previous night, anxiety gnaws at me, and I cringe at the thought of what I might have said or done.
Slowly, after managing to sit up, I began walking to get my phone, I said walking it was more of a crawl, but the details weren't important.
After a while, I finally made it to the kitchen where I found my phone. Although before I could even turn it on, I heard the doorbell go. I was contemplating whether or not to go and answer it but decided to just yell the door was open and hope that it actually was. Not that I wanted anyone here, I just don't want to have to walk to the door and then back.
I quickly jumped up from my position on the kitchen floor, I don't quite know how I got here, but it's cold and comfortable. "Get up now." I heard a strict Spanish voice above me.
"Leave me alone, Jana. I want to sleep." All I got was a scoff before I felt her trying to pull me up off the floor, I was definitely going to make it more difficult for her.
"No. I've given you enough time, and right now, you are drunk on a Monday morning."
"Actually, I'm hungover, not drunk." I said with a small smile that disappeared when she gave up trying to pull me off the ground, which caused me to flop back on the floor, still half dead.
"Don't test me right now (Y/n/n). You're hungover on a Monday morning. Your lucky training isn't on today. Honestly, I thought we were over this, so why do you not stop. Why don't you listen when I say you need to stop." Jana said, her voice raising each time, her eyes brimming with tears.
"You have no idea what it's life, Jana. You never have and never will. Everything good in my life has disappeared in a matter of days. You won't ever understand what it's like."
"I'm not saying I do, for gods sake. I'm saying talk to me instead of drawing in alcohol, talk to me instead of letting me find you hungover on the floor every time I come round to see you."
I took a deep breath and looked to the floor. I can feel her eyes watching my every movement, but I can't bring myself to look at her. I'm embarrassed for sure, but I can't change. The drinking helps me forget the past and focus on the present. Sure, I have less control, but it helps.
Alcohol is the only way I can deal with it without talking. I think talking about what happened would break me more than the alcohol is.
"Say something!" Jana said, her voice breaking slightly as tears began rolling down her cheeks but I couldn't bring myself to say something, instead of trying to comfort her I kept my eyes on the floor looking at anything other than her.
"It was obviously a mistake that me coming here." She said before turning around and walking off, my eyes not leaving the floor, my voice not working. When I finally looked up, I saw her turn back round by the door, as if begging me to ask her to stay. But I couldn't.
I looked back down the floor as she left and stayed like that for around five minutes. I recon before going to my phone, which was on the counter.
My hand shaking slightly. I pulled up Jana's contact and began writing a message.
One I know I will regret but also one that I can't send. She deserves more. I need to sort me out, and I can't do that if I try to focus on Jana instead.
Closing my eyes, I pressed send, I couldn't believe I actually sent it, but I did.
The message read, "we need a break."
That's when the situation turned real. That's when I realised that I'm in this on my own.
A/N: No I am not an alcoholic don't worry and anyone on discord blame Alexia for this cause she asked for a happy Jana one so I had to do the opposite because she took my food.
