Heaven's So Far Away - A Sam Winchester X Female Reader Fic

Chapter 39

Y/N's POV

Seven thousand, one hundred and sixty-eight.

That's how many languages exist in the world today. And of those languages, there exists roughly a million words each. Which brings the total possibility of words that can be spoken to a little over seven billion. 

And, for the life of me....I can't seem to conjure a single fucking one in my mind...that can accurately describe the way I feel. 

I guess...if I had no choice but to narrow it all down to one single word...

It would be that I feel so...broken.

But even then....that still doesn't do this feeling a lick of justice. 

I mean, how would you feel...if you woke up next to the one you love, following a night of intense, emotional, erotic passion...and you rolled over to study their peacefully sleeping face, the way their hair falls just so...the slow, steady rise and fall of their chest as they breathe easy...the little snores and murmurs that escape their lips as they rest...

And all the while knowing, in your heart....that this is the very last time you'll ever be able to witness such a masterpiece....because today....

Today....their life will end. And there isn't a goddamn thing you can do to stop it. 

'Hopeless'....'Defeated'....'Exhausted'....

None of it really quite fits, does it?

Perhaps I was dwelling so much on the appropriate vocabulary for the situation, because there really wasn't much else to keep myself distracted as the day went underway. 

I'd woken up before Sam...but I didn't wake him. I doubt something as simplistic as sleep would be enough to give him the strength he'd need to accomplish this task he's put before himself...but I didn't want to jeopardize it either way. 

I quickly dressed myself in a hoodie and some ripped jeans, though my body was basically moving on autopilot. Once I was dressed, I took one last glance at Sam, still sleeping...before I forced myself out of the door and down the stairs.

Upon reaching the study, I found Bobby, Dean and Cas all sitting together, though they were all gravely silent. There was a cloud of dread and despair looming throughout the entire house, as we all knew how tonight was going to end.

Whether Sam wins or loses this fight against the devil....we all lose. 

As they heard my sluggish footsteps approaching, they all lifted their gazes toward me. They offered me as warm of a smile as they could muster...but truthfully...it was more like they all just merely twitched the corners of their lips at me.

"Hey," Dean greeted, his voice tired and low. "How you holding up?"

I forced a breath through my nose in a lazy chuckle. "You really gonna ask me that question?"

He scoffed humorlessly too, shaking his head as his eyes dropped down to the floor. "Guess not."

I clutched my arms around myself as I made my way into the room, and I took up a spot by a bookshelf, leaning a shoulder against it for support as I took a deep breath.