Why do we fall in love?

12. Why is it always Beth?

It's match day today and it's the first time I'll be working on a match day. but that's probably the last thing on my mind right now. I'm lying awake in my bed, Leah is sleeping in the bed next to me, and I feel like a creep. for I lie and look at her when she sleeps, but I cannot help it. She looks so peaceful. I don't know how long I've been looking at her but I can't stop, she's like a drug to me, I can't get enough.

After a few minutes of looking at Leah I hear her murmur "do you watch me when I sleep, Emma" how does she know that she is still squinting "no" I say maybe a little too quickly, Leah opens her eyes we make eye contact immediately but I look away quickly and how I start to blush.

I hear Leah chuckle at my reaction before she says "I told you to watch as much as you want, love" she says before going to the bathroom. I just sit in my bed and stare. Why doesn't it feel wrong that she wants me to look at her, why do I want to look at her, why do I want her to touch me and me to touch her. All those thoughts are swirling around in my head, but I stop thinking about it when Leah walks out of the bathroom with just a hand out of her slightly wet hair. fuck she looks pretty. i look her up and down, but stop looking at her when she bends more into her bag and takes out clothes. I sit up at the edge of the bed, looking in the opposite direction that Leah is on. But I can't get the picture of her in the towel, her wet hair and how can be so cute just after showering. Just the thought of her showering in the bathroom next to me. Naked. do things to me that I don't want to happen. I have to stop thinking snotty thoughts about Leah. We work together and she doesn't like me that way. I'm really in my own world, when I hear Leah say my name I look at her, and she has a grin on her face. "Why are you squeezing your thighs so much,love? what are you thinking.." Leah says as she walks towards me, and I didn't even notice that I did it, I look down at my thighs which I now no longer squeeze. I see how Leah's leg is set to be her side of my leg, but I don't look at her. "Look at me, love" Leah says but I don't, I'm afraid what will happen if I look up at her, She really could do anything with me right now, and it shows my body very clearly, some more than others. when I don't look up at her, she puts her hand on my chin and makes me look at her. we make eye contact and I feel myself squeezing my thighs together again. "why don't you want to look at me darling" Leah asks me but she hasn't pulled my chin away.

"I.. uh" I don't know what to say. "I don't know how to control myself" I say honestly, and Leah just looks at me. "what is it that you can't control?" Leah asks, now her hand running down my neck down to my shoulder. "my feelings" I say a little nervously as her thumb circles my neck. "Do you want me to stop?" asks Leah, and I'm going to say that I want her to stop, that we should be professional. but I don't do that. instead I shake my head. "what happened to be professional?" Leag asks and I stand up, Leah and I are face to face. "you're right" I say and walk away from her, but I just have time to go to the hall before Leah stops me "I don't want to be right" she says and that makes me look at her "huh?" I ask confused, what does she mean? Leah stands in front of me, "I don't want to be professional" says Leah and takes a step towards me "Leah, we can't" I say but really just want her to kiss me, I see how Leah looks almost a little sad when I say that. "So you say that when we were in the recovery room you didn't want to kiss me, or when you squeezed your thighs together you didn't touch me, or all the other times you have looked at me, about how you really like me pushing you up against the wall. Or am I imagining it?" Leah says and I can't lie to her. "it's not that easy" I say and try to walk away but Leah puts her hands on my waist and pulls me up, I won't like it. but I do it. "you just have to say if I'm imagining it or not?" Leah asks me, one of her legs is between mine. "no" I say and Leah smiles up her leg a little more against minna's thigh and I squeeze my thighs against her leg. "So you like what I'm doing do you? Leah asks, and I don't want to admit it but with her eyes staring at me and the way her legs are between my thighs, I just nod. "use your words darling" she says as she brings her leg up even more so it's right between my legs but doesn't do anything I want. and to say i was frustrated is an understatement. and I think Leah sees it because she takes her hand under my shirt and pulls it up and down my side. "Yes Leah, I like what you do" I say but it comes out more like a little moan.
Leah seems to like that she has this effect on me because she brings her head towards me and says "do you want to kiss me, Emma." and my legs almost gave up. but I nod, I really want her to kiss me, all that tension between us almost makes me cry. she has to do something with me before I crack. She leans forward towards me and I do the same. Just as we were about to touch our lips, it knocked on the door. "ignore it" I say desperately, and I'm really desperate for Leah to kiss me. but then it cracks again but you hear a voice saying "Leah come on now it's breakfast I know you can hear me" Beth says. I suck and mutter "why is it always Beth" . Leah is walking away from me but still close. "Take it easy darling, I'm nowhere near done with you. and with that she walks out to Beth and the door closes. what the hell just happened. Why did it feel so right yet so wrong? and what does she mean she doesn't clear more me. and why do I feel like i'm longing to see her again.
I hear someone knock on my door which makes me stop thinking about Leah and open, "hey i just think we have to get things ready for the evening match" says Bella who was standing by the door. "Okay" I just say and go with her to the medicine things. But throughout the morning I can't stop thinking about Leah and what happened. And what if she wasn't done with me?

author note,
I hope you like the chapter, it's a bit short. I hope I'm not going too fast. but also want things to happen. this chapter will continue in the next chapter. feel free to make suggestions for things you want to happen. I have a bit of a hard time what to write.