Verified Dilemmas

Chapter Ten: The Epic Crush

Out there in the streets of the 254__Nairobi__along a popular building called Kenya National Archives, he laid his unfamiliar eyes on me.

Then, after God knows how long, I laid mine on his. And in that delicate moment, both our sparkly eyes did the only thing they could have done best at the time: they locked.

Throwing away the keys to only God knows where.

But I couldn't have been bothered to notice a thing. Either way, I wouldn't have given a damn even if I did. Because I was too distracted by the drop dead gorgeous guy walking (in what felt like slow-mo) toward my direction.

Pinning me down with a rather intense gaze, which I shortly learnt he made subconsciously to nonverbally communicate what he thought of my appearance. At least before he finally gets a chance to utter them-word for word, in my face.  Which he did: "You look nice. And you are so... beautiful!" He admitted with a sincere tone. With his eyes still glued on mine, he continued, "So I had to approach you and let you know." His admiring eyes were now scanning me meticulously from head to toe.

Seconds later, our hands, just like our eyes, were locked when he stretched his right hand to great me. "W-what's your name?" he asked curiously. Breaking off his hands from mine. While still looking down on me as I looked up on him.

With that, our insanely height difference couldn't have been more obvious and painfully awkward (for me.) Given I had to rest my neck on my shoulders the whole time we spoke.

In a nut shell, I honestly felt like a five year old looking up at her dad. Such a weird comparison. I know.

But I guess it's true what champagne papi, best known as Drake, says: "It is what it is."

The whole time we were interacting, I couldn't help but think to myself: I seriously need to tall-up. Clearly... being five foot four ain't cutting it.

Posing like a live statue, from the staring contest we both seemed to be unintentionally in, I watched as the charming stranger suddenly broke off from his group of friends and made his way through the crowd to approach me from where I was standing. Beside my friend (who by the way, regards me as her bestie) and who I had met for a lunch and ice cream date.

I was amused by this audacious and rare act. Which seemed to be missing in action in my romantic aspect of life.

I found him approach me rare because, I was used to guys just admire me from afar. And walk away like their hearts din't just skip a beat or two after witnessing my pretty face.

But no, this guy stood out. He clearly wasn't like them. Making me believe he's the kind of person who knows what he likes as soon as he sets his eyes on something or someone_me, and wastes no time in admitting his amusement. And oh boy, I couldn't be any different. So bang! A straight up green flag for me. Although, he neither asked for my number nor court me into being his girlfriend.

I wonder if it was because; he was already taken, or maybe he was focusing on loving himself, or maybe he assumed a pretty girl like me couldn't have been single. Or he thought he was no good match for me. Or maybe... no strings attached, he thought I was pretty and looked lovely. Or... agh, I could go on and on and on. But ultimately, only he (and God) knows why he din't ask me out or at least asked for my number.

My friend and I were on our way to the bus stop, but somehow, we were now here: her_bending toward some cute lady hand bags displayed on the ground. Which she was adamant on buying and me_standing next to her. Exposing my full height. And undisputed beauty. Which this guy spotted from afar and is now standing in front of me. Letting me know just how much he's crushing on me. Like wise.

My mouth, which has one cute chipped tooth, was half dropped with awe; and my small brown eyes covered with my favorite orange glasses, were transfixed to this beautiful man. Who was now staring at me like he somehow knew me.

But no. I knew he couldn't possibly know me. So my mind started going on an unnecessary spiral.

He's probably confusing me for someone else. Or maybe he thinks I look hideous. Could it be my pussy cat hair style? My ketchup stained trousers maybe? Fuck! I knew it.

Despite my ridiculous train of thought, I din't loosen my gaze on him. Making us two complete strangers gaping at each other like complete fools. The kind who would say a goofy thing like: This must be love at first sight.

Like clockwork__Deja Vu__just like how Ben looked at me with so much admiration in his eyes, the first time we met, I recognized a similar but even more intense look in this cute guy's eyes.

Only that this time around, unlike with Ben's situation, the feeling was strikingly, mutual.
Which my little monkey mind quickly realized was so not nuanced to me. But it liked it. Like really liked this shinny and warm novel feeling illuminating from my heart.

Because: for the first time in the land of ever, I finally had a similar reaction to a guy who showed interest in me. Making this guy_named Dante_the first guy I had a real crush on. In my well lived twenty-three years of wondering when It'd be my turn. If at all that was a possibility.

Turned out it was. A major one at that. Which I dig made it's mark in the calendars on the 5th of November 2023.

Seeing that my premeditated friends-with-benefits situation with Clarke hadn't worked, I had carried on with my life still under the assumption that I was ace.

But Dante came along that ordained day and flipped that ill informed narrative I was telling myself and made it super clear to me: I'm as straight as the narrow path Christians (like myself) are to follow so as not to loose their way. And see the light. God's light. Which reveals all truth to those who seek it.

Turns out, as much as I detest admitting it, Clarke__my could-have-been boyfriend in high school and could-have-been friends-with-benefits__was right after all; I was being delusional for assuming I was asexual. But jokes on him, though. For he'd be the delusional one if he still thinks I think I'm actually asexual.

Speaking of me possibly being delusion- yet again: I know (but mostly think), that I'll someday be a very successful author.

A bestselling author if you will.

Just indulge me.

Will ya?...

Ok!