A Long Hard Fought Journey (Completed)

Chapter 5: Returning Again and Fighting Hard

A/N: I added a song to this chapter and it is called I Need A Miracle by Third Day since I think it goes with this chapter.Enjoy.

I was really struggling to breathe,this was so awful.I found out I was in Joseph's room lying on the bed. Thank goodness I woke Joseph up but as of what we know I haven't waken any one else. I'm lucky to still be alive for now. I may not last much longer.Joseph was on the floor and came over quickly.He ran to get his mom. I was still alive and fighting to live and keep consciousness but I'm barely breathing and struggling for air.She ran and changed into her nursing attire very quickly. She was going to get a lot of overtime money for this even though she has barely had any sleep although it probably wasn't healthy.Joseph came back and beings he is the only one I know since I haven't met his stepdad,yet was going to have to carry me because there is no way I can walk. He was strong enough to carry me and I trusted him. A few moments later I was in his arms. He started running to the vehicle.My face was blue most likely from under oxygenation. I nuzzled my head into his shoulder,my eyes closed and I was on the verge of crying from the intense pain that hurt so bad and isn't going away only getting worse by the second as I struggle for breath.Hold on, Izzie,please,Izzie,hold on for me,he said to me having a few tears run down his cheeks. It was kinda chilly outside. Plus I get cold easily. I was fighting to hold on and fighting to keep consciousness.Alexis had thought ahead, at least, so she had everything the hospital gave us plus one spare change of clothes loaded up by the time we got out there. She also had a thick blanket and pillow for the car ride for me,knowing how cold I can get. We left for the hospital. I was alive but hardly breathing and the little gasps of breath I could get were heavy,fast,small and shallow.It wasn't nearly enough and it felt as if there wasn't enough air although there is plenty I just can't get it. I couldn't breathe and my face was staying blue since I wasn't getting oxygen properly. I was basically gasping to breathe,every breath sounded like a gasp,breathe in,breathe out.He had me covered up tightly laying in his lap since I wouldn't lay elsewhere he was the only thing keeping me calm and giving me strength to fight and just plain strength knowing I had a chance I may die.I was propped up against the door on a pillow in his arms my head nuzzled into his shoulder with my eyes closed even though I wanted to hold them open having them open made it worse. All stimuli made it worse.Come on, please,Izzie,I'm begging you,hold on just a little while longer,stay awake and stay with me,he said while crying and while I still had consciousness which I know I will eventually lose. I was fighting so hard just to breathe and trying to keep myself half alive,at least. I was getting weaker and weaker and the hope that I would stay conscious and live soon faded into nothing.My breathing had labored even more and eventually the little gasps were labored and heavy but smaller and shallower as I lost consciousness. I was fighting so hard to live,fighting to breathe,fighting for my life,but it was hard and I felt myself losing, even though,I know I was trying not to. All of my thoughts faded into nothing as I lost consciousness. I opened my eyes so the last thing I could see would be him so I can remember him if I die.The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness and everything went black as my eyes closed,was Joseph watching me,my blue face,looking into my eyes,crying. By the time we got to the hospital it was raining hard in a downpour.Alexis pulled into a parking space towards the front of the hospital. Come on,Joseph,we have to hurry before she slips any further,she told him. He had stayed awake the whole time, watching me ,and kept checking my pulse every few minutes to make sure that I was still alive.He had me in his arms bridal style,after he got out of the car,Alexis closed his door,and they ran,I was bouncing around in his arms some my head was resting against his shoulder.He was holding me as tight as he could to keep me from getting to wet and had me wrapped in the blanket to keep me warm.When we got inside,Alexis ran to the front desk and told the receptionist my name and we needed help with what she thinks is wrong with me.She left us at the front,he was still holding onto me,Alexis came back a minute later with the stuff she needed and was in her surgical scrubs which means I may need another emergency surgery to save my life. She brought my same doctors or medical team with her and a gurney.Joseph quickly laid me down on the gurney and they were starting to work on me frantically. They had slid an oxygen mask on me,that was getting some air to my lungs.They covered me with several blankets and ran me to the OR and Joseph followed until they made him wait in the waiting room on the OR's floor. Once in the OR they had to revive me once,connected me to a bunch of machines,and gave me a sedative and anesthesia.Everything was now black and I could no longer see what was going on.I woke several hours later in the ICU but once again I realized I wasn't in my body.I had a mostly normal face that wasn't really blue anymore but there was a tube in my mouth and down my throat that was breathing for me unlike my oxygen mask like before.Alexis came in a few minutes later with Joseph.She was explaining,I was on life support,in a medically induced coma,so the life support would take over my breathing and because of the medications it may make it harder for me to breathe then it already is but last night my face was blue because I wasn't getting oxygen properly. She said,it may cause her to be brain dead,it almost killed her we had to revive her once,and since she didn't get oxygen properly for about an hour it could have made her brain dead.She also told him, I have talked the doctors into giving her 3 weeks to live and if she doesn't wake up,she will be declared brain dead and will be unplugged from the machines keeping her alive because Anna and I don't have enough money for prolonging measures,it's just way to expensive and we just barely had enough for 3 weeks,I'm really sorry,Joseph,she said. I know but I can't just unplug her when she isn't really dead,he said to her.I know it will be really hard,but the doctors are thinking she's gone,Joseph,she didn't have oxygen for an hour and the little oxygen she did have,well,we just aren't sure how much of it got to her brain which depending on how much it was is what could have made her brain dead,we just aren't sure,Alexis stated. I know but I wouldn't be able to stand losing her,Joseph said.So I am,at least,half alive,for now, which means I'm not dead,yet,I thought to myself. I really just wanted to tell them I'm not done yet,I'm still alive and I'm right here. Of course even if I did they couldn't hear or see me right now. I'm really sorry,Joseph,but between Anna and I we really don't have enough money even if they would give us more time and we definitely don't have enough money to prolong her life anymore than we already have and we just barely had enough for 3 weeks and I had to beg the doctors for that much time,she said. Joseph,please keep fighting for me and don't let me go,just please hold onto me,I was thinking to myself since there was no one else to talk to. He sat down next to me,head in his hands. Listen,Joseph,she said,I will be back in a little while and maybe by some miracle she will wake up but you need to pray for a miracle. I started crying hard and mouth to him even though he couldn't see it,"I am sorry for all of this". It seems like this is my fault even though I know it's not. I fell asleep leaning against the wall crying, fighting but almost out of fight and tired ,sleep would be so welcome.