HOOPS AND HEARTS

Chapter 16

                                       Leo
I let the trickle of blood rotate down the drain, in an assortment of monochromatic reds. I wipe my finger off, and lift my shirt off, to examine the deep cut in my back. It stings deep, carving itself into my spine when my body turned Astrid's, causing her to avoid the indent that would otherwise be etched into hers. A rock had peeped through the mulch, and tore its way into my back. My mind replays the memories of her small body on top of me, peering into my eyes. The golden flecks reflected innocence, and something else I couldn't place. I couldn't seem to control myself, when my concern caused my hands to act on their own. Steadying her, and wiping away an inch of the pain I deeply wished she didn't have to endure. Even the slightest sting she may have felt, caused something in me to stir. As if I was made to care for her well-being. My fingers graze my wound once again, a scab forming around the sides, in the minuets I spent watching if Astrid made it home safe. Maybe it was my fathers voice echoing against my skull, and my parent's fight I sat through before speeding off to the park, but something in me tethered itself to a worry for her. Even now, I'm desperately trying to take the scissors to that string pulling me to her.
That would be a bad idea.
SHE is a bad idea.
My head pounds in rhythm with my heart, when my mind sets the scene once again. Her hair falling into her eyes. Her skin soft against mine. I hastily step into the shower, not bothering to remove my jean shorts or boxers. I open the water angrily. Leaning my head into the stream. Hoping the thoughts of her will flow away down the drain. I run my hands through my hair, as if to wipe clean the memory of her lips against my fingers, and her hips swaying as she sauntered up to me. I bang my head against the tile.
Once
Twice
Please.
I groan and turn off the water in defeat. My jeans sopping as I throw them off and sigh against the shower walls, encasing me, and the thoughts of Astrid that I can't seem to wipe clean from my mind.
Determination is what I've used for years, to get this far in basketball. I hold it in the palm of my hand, and will it to ignite in me once more.
I will stop thinking of Astrid Ellsworth.

                         _____________

I lift the phone to my ear, the only escape from my wall's taunting words.
You ruined me.
We will never be the same now.
You don't belong here, Leo.
I shut my eyes, and push the phone farther against my ear, curling myself up and shutting my other ear with my hand. Even my fetal position is no escape from the words echoing around me. I don't know who's calling. Their words are far too loud to hear the person on the other end. They are screaming through the vents. And whispering through the doors.
Again, again, again.
Leoooo
The house taunts me. Dipping into a whisper.
Leaveee
The person on the other end starts shouting. My breath quickens.
You think you can take much more of this?
Leooo
Leooo
Leoooo.
"LEO!"
I drop my phone, their voices retreating back into the silhouettes of the innermost parts of the interior. I pant, gripping my phone once more. Knuckles white. Throat raspy.
"Y-yes?"
"I said I need a ride. Tom left with some chick and nobody will answer my calls. Are you good?" Amanda. Oh. It's Amanda. I nod, realizing the movement won't be heard through the black screen.
"Yea. I'm fine. I'll be there."
"Seriously? You were a last resort to be honest." She admits, the confusion peeping through her phone.
"Yea. I need some fresh air." I grab my keys, and shake out the remaining wetness from my hair, ending the call. I make my way out the door, freeing myself from an external prison im bound to.
Leoooo
I slam the door behind me, shutting the voices inside.

I would have never thought I would be willingly agreeing to have Amanda in my car again, but as the air curls in the window, free of the voices, I welcome the distraction. My attention will be momentarily disrupted, from the memory of Astrid dancing through my mind. And even a second of peace from thoughts of her clouding my mind, will be sure to put me to sleep tonight. Even if that distraction is Amanda. Even if running from the voices is getting harder. I drive up to the address she sent me. The street quiet in contrast the flooding house. Its bursting at the seams with people bearing party cups, vapes, and random people they are making out with. I spot Amanda instantly, as she sits next to the mailbox, phone in hand. I cruise my car up next to her, her shimmery skirt catching the light. If she wore this a year ago, I would have admitted that she was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on, but ever since I walked in on Tom atop her naked body, her face has been distorted. Glitching in my mind. Gone is the beauty I once found in her. There she is again. Astrid. Tiptoeing across my mind, and putting every version of Amanda to shame. I shake my head, hoping her image will fly out with the movement.
"Get in." I call. She looks up, swiping her black hair out of her eyes, with a polished finger. She smiles, and I inwardly break. She glitches once again. When she slides in the seat, I do a double take as I momentarily see Astrid in her place. Crossing her arms and sticking out her tongue.
"Thanks." She nods, and I see her again. Rolling her eyes at me. Amanda returns in her place, and mimics my confused expression.
"Are we going or...?" She says, going back to her phone. "You remember the way right?" I blink and nod slowly.
"Y-yea" I start to drive off, easing into a steady pace.
"You seem kinda spooked are you good?" She reaches out, brushing the hair at the base of my neck. I'm in control enough of my mind, to swat her hand away. But then again, I'm not. Astrid seems to be taking the reigns of it, so when I pull into the empty driveway of her home, I decide I need a better distraction. Anger. Annoyance. Frustration. It all rushes in at the realization that I'm doing it again. I'm thinking of her. I look to Amanda and she nods awkwardly in her seat. "Sooo... about that night, Leo. I just want us to move past it." She looks to face me, but my brain is already shut off. Wires pulled. I need to stop thinking of her. I need to. "I know what me and Tom did was dumb, but I just..." She looks to me with pity and pleading eyes, so when my lips crash into hers, I know it's all over. My body moves separate from my mind. Amanda responds with her lips, pulling me closer. She slips her tongue between the gap of my lips, as I guide her face closer to mine. Her lips taste like beer and lies. Her hair sandpaper to the touch as my hands travel through it. She moans against my lips. Deepening the kiss as she rotates her neck in a rhythm. Sliding her calloused fingers against mine. My thoughts are numbed. Desensitized to my actions in the moment. With every stroke of my tongue against hers, I feel every thought of Astrid slide away. So I continue. She reaches down, and unbuckles my seatbelt, her lips never leaving mine. She rises in her seat, her slender legs backing their way into the backseat. My body moves with her, my torso peaking into the back, as her iron grip never leaves my neck. She pulls back for a moment, removing her tang top, to reveal a lacy black bra. My eyes never dip down, as she tugs at the hem of my shirt. I plant my hand against the passenger seat, to guide myself into the back when something stops me. A light switching in my brain. Astrids face flickers in Amanda's. Astrid smiles and bites her lip.
No, no, no.
She's everywhere
Everywhere.
I pull back from Amanda, lifting my head to the ceiling of the car. What the hell am I doing? I look into her eyes. Something stopping me from my distraction. Her. She's here. I slam my fist into the seat grunting.
"Fuck!" I yell. Amanda pulls back. Suddenly inches away. Miles. Years. She disappears in the back of my mind as Astrid takes center stage. I leave Amanda in that night at Tom's place. I banish her to a face I walk past every day, barely feeling a pang of hurt. "We can't do this. I can't do this." I tell her, out of breath from which the thoughts of Astrid had stolen from me.
"Im not an idiot, Leo." She reaches for her purse and pulls out a square package. She throws it on the seat next to her, and pats the empty spot. Beckoning me to follow. I shut my eyes and breathe.
"Go home Amanda." I look up at her once again. Confirming the question in her eyes.
"Well I-" she starts nervously.
"I said leave!" I say sternly. "And you will forget about tonight, understand?"
She nods quickly, and scrambles out of the car. Snatching her purse and shirt in haste. I sigh into my seat, and see Astrid appear once again.
"Well that was a shitty move. How do you Americans say it? A total dickhead." She says, crossing her legs in elegance. I groan and bang my head against the steering wheel.
"Im so fucked."

I can't stop thinking of Astrid Ellsworth.