Love me, Rosalie

8

"Ano ito Rafael?!"

"Ssh.. Please. We'll talk about this tomorrow. Baka kagising si Ally" Mariana started crying in silence.

Ally....

That child

she can't forgive. She can never forgive.

OCHO

It was fine. I assured Elle that everything was fine. I knew the secret long ago so I have come to accept that painful truth. Elle made things so easy for me. Lahat ng sakit na bumabagabag sa akin noon ay unti unting gumaan dahil sa kanya. She was my salvation. Kung pati si Elle mawala pa sa akin, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

Hinding hindi ko ata makakaya. So instead of being sad about it I chose to look at the positive things. The fact that Elle chose to stay with me through thick and thin. It was... It was more than enough. Its more than what I could ask for.

Kaya okay lang.

Okay lang

I continued my days like always. Hindi dapat ako magpaapekto sa narinig ko. I told her that she need not to worry about it. It didn't hurt that much. At first ayaw niyang maniwala na okay lang sa akin pero I insisted so she gave up.

"You will always be my cousin. Always and forever!! Say it!" utos niya sa akin habang nakatutuk ang kamera sa mukha ko. I smiled a little and say it to the camera. Hinawakan mo pa talaga ito at itinuon ng malapitan sa mukha ko just to show her I'm doing it with enthusiasm.

" Good... Good..." she nodded proudly. Mamaya ay kailangan ko pang pumunta sa hospital for my follow up check up. I never told Elle about it. Wala akong pinagsabihan dahil ayaw kong mamroblema na naman siya.

Matamlay kong hinawakan ang papel na naglalaman ng test results ko.

If I'd like to do treatments it'll be expensive. Wala rin akong sariling pera para roon. Ang ipon ko ay hindi magkakasya. If I do the treatments kailangan kong may kasama, I can't be alone the whole time. Magiging pabigat ako.

"May taning na ba ako? I don't really have money for treatments and I don't have anyone who I can rely on. I have a cousin pero... This is too much for her" sa mahinang boses na sabi ko.

He looked at me with pity. "You still have parents right?"

"My mama is sick. She can't be bothered by this"

"Of course she would be bothered. You'll die at this rate" sabi niya.

Matagal ako bago nakapagsalita.
"Can't I have painkillers?"

Bumuntong hininga siya.

I needed to stop going to school then. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi at pinagmasdan ang papel. But I love going to school. Nag ipon ako para roon.

What about my part time job? Bumuntong hininga ako at tumingala sa langit. If want to live I needed to give up on things.

"Pero biglaan naman ata ito, Rose" malungkot ang boses ng amo ko.

"Pasensiya na po talaga" bago ako umalis ay pinakain na muna niya ako at nagkwento sa kung anong nangyari noong mga nakaraang hindi ako nagduty. I love talking to my boss. Parang si papa kasi na malambing din ang boses. May tatlong anak na babae at isang lalaki. Maagang nawala ang asawa kaya siya lang ang kumakayod. Bago ako umalis ay sinabihan niya akong bumalik kung gusto ko, at tatanggapin niya ako ng walang pag aalinlangan.

Tumango ako sa sinabi niya.

"M-mag d-drop out ka? Seryoso ka Ally?" tanong ni Elle. Tumango ako. Paubos na ang ipon ko at gumagastos ako tuwing nagpupunta sa ospital. Hindi ko na kaya ang gastusin. I don't want to touch my trust.