𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑰𝑺 𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑳𝒀

Chapter Three.

Marcus Hansen

Regret: a feeling of, repentance, or  over something that has happened or been done.

That what google defines it.

Why did I do it?

Lilith never did anything wrong to me and yet I go out of my way and do some fucked up shit that will undoubtedly ruin my relationship. God, I am so fucking dumb. I have everything I could have ever wanted and I fuck up the one thing I truly ever wanted the most.

Love.

Barely got it as a child but since Lily came into my life, all I ever felt was love. The way she held me, loved me, soothed me. Everything she did had me swooned and I was ecstatic that I could call her mine. But now... I don't even know. If she ever finds out I am doomed. Not only will I lose her but... My son.

I can't lose them.

I grunted as I slowly sat up, the silk grey sheets slowly falling around my waist. I had been awake staring at the blank ceiling reflecting on my past decisions. All I wish I could do was turn back in time to when I first met Kira, I would've avoided her if I knew this would happen. But she held an orphic aura that just had me in a choke hold and I had to keep her around, I wanted to know who she was without her telling me verbally.

And I did, but I wish I didn't.

I looked over to my right and seen a sleeping Kira, she looked so peaceful. Hickies scattered her exposed neck, as well as her hair looking like a tumbleweed. Memories from last night flashed like lightning. Last night was something I have never experienced before, Kira opened me up to something I don't ever see myself getting out of.

BDSM.

A world filled with forbidden fantasies and pleasures so dark but enchanting. I remember Lilith mentioning something about it but I refused, but here I am laid up in another woman's bed after participating in such an act.

I'm such a mess.

Kira's chest rose softly as she slept peacefully, a smile spread across my face as my chest grew warm. I knew what this feeling was, but I couldn't let it overtake me. I love Lilith and only lilith, anger started to boil up inside me as I thought back to last night. Why?

Why the fuck did I do it.

Answers shall remain undiscovered, I guess. What does Kira have that lilith doesn't?

Lilith has everything a man could ever desire and I just so happen to win the lottery with her, kira on the hand doesn't but yet here I am in fucking bed with her. HIckies scattered across our bodies, the smell of sex resided in the air, clogging my nostrils. Scratch marks covered my back and grip marks laid across her hips, breast and ass.

Getting up from the now cold bed, I slowly walked to the bathroom across the hall. a scowl still laid across my face. I felt disgusting, I wanted to peel my fucking skin off and wash it of Kira's touch. But that isn't possible, and probably never will be.

Now that I look back on it. Ever since Kira came into my life, all my time was dedicated towards her, I have been so focused on Kira that I forgot who truly deserves my attention and love. I have been such a fucking asshole, all the memories came flooding back.

Teary eyes.

Concern.

Hurt.

Lilith.

Lilith Turner.

That walk was the best thing I ever done for myself in such a long time, the need to clear my head and get some fresh air was unbearable. Every second inside this lonely house was torturous as my mind clouded with what I could have done to make Marcus act differently towards me.

But after that walk and a lot of back tracking, I realized that I wasn't the problem. I have been doing everything Marcus has ever wanted and needed, I have obeyed every rule he placed down, took better care of him than his own mother ever did. And this is how he repays me?

I have given him all the love from my body, soul, and beyond.

And I'll be damned if I let this man walk over me and dismiss me like a servant. That's not how my mother raised me to be, having seen my father leave us at the age of five my mother realized that she don't need no man to take care of her and she passed that on to me.

But not even twenty-four hours ago I was over-reacting and coming up with possible ways to make this man love me again, if he already doesn't anymore already. I love Marcus, I do. But I just want an understanding of what is going on and why he is so cold and distant with me nowadays.

I guess we'll have to wait to know.

I sighed as I slowly sat up form the couch and made my way towards the kitchen, grabbing the ingredients I needed to make dinner for me and the baby tonight. I hummed a tune as I chopped up some onions, keeping an eye on the porkchops that were currently being fried. I planned on making some smothered porkchops and mashed potatoes with a side of cajun corn and well seasoned green beans.

As I was checking on the the gravy, I heard the front door unlocked. Daring myself to not turn around, I kept my eyes on the stove. My anxiety rose as I could feel a presence behind me, I knew who it was.

But I knew he was probably just looking at me in sheer disgust or hate. I expected him to have walked away but that didn't happen as I felt a pair of large hands wrap around my stomach and his face in my neck.

I can't lie and say that didn't make me happy a bit, a small smile spread across my face as he started to softly rub my stomach even going as far to lift my stomach relieving my aching back pain a bit.

"Hello Mama," he whispered, peppering small kisses along my neck and jawline. I almost folded but I remembered that I am still mad at him, so I just ignored him. I would've removed his hands from my stomach, but as soon as he placed them on there the baby started moving and kicking around like crazy having his missed his father's touch.

Reaching across the stove, I turned the gravy down. before moving over to the fridge to grab myself a Hi-C and sit down. He stood watching my every move, he knew I was pissed but that didn't stop his efforts of trying to make me happy.

"Lily, look I am sorry okay?" he groaned. "I am so fucking sorry for my behavior towards you, I don't know what came over me to act such a way baby and I am sorry," I rolled my eyes as I began to scroll on my phone. Out of my peripheral, I could see him watching me. His body giving off a remorseful energy, sadness evident in his eyes, I almost started to feel bad but I wanted him to feel how I felt these past couple of weeks.

"Please baby, talk to me. I am sorry, I fucked up baby." He sniffled, walking over and wrapping his arms around me. "Please forgive me, baby. please."

And I did.

I forgave him.

Like I always did.

I wrapped my arms around him, cradling his head. His sniffles slowly ceasing, as he hugged me tighter. I placed a small kiss on his head as we rocked from side to side. How I missed this so much. As I was about to pull away, I spotted something. Something I hope was fake.

A hickey.