Against The Tide (Formerly Two Tribes)

75: The Price Of Pride

Alone in his room, Jameel let's out a deep sigh. He ran a hand over his face and buried his face in his hands. A pang of guilt stabbed him in the heart. The way he talked to Afrah was atypical of him. Her tear-filled eyes was all he could picture in his mind as he squeezed his eyes shut. He felt extremely bad about the hurtful words he said to her, but she had pushed him to the wall. Never in a million years did he think he had it in him to hurt her like that. But she caused it upon herself. Even after wronging him, she didn't feel the need to seek for his forgiveness. Instead, she was trying to pin the blame on him and whitewash herself. The memory of her self-righteous tone sent a fresh wave of anger through him.

Jameel couldn't believe the route his marriage with Afrah had taken. They used to be so in love. Where had the fiery passion gone? Both of them had gone against their families just so they could be together. Why couldn't Afrah just let go of her pride and admit her mistakes? All he wanted from her was to show remorse. He wanted her to accept her mistakes and apologize to his mother. That was all he wanted for everything to go back to how they used to be. Was that too much to ask for?

In that moment, he couldn't help but remember Najah. He had taken her love for granted. She was the complete opposite of Afrah. Unlike Afrah, she always took responsibility for her actions. She didn't have an iota of pride in her. She was dutiful, respectful, patient and loving. She embodied all the characters a good wife was supposed to have. Despite how unfairly he sometimes treated her, she never spoke to him disrespectfully.

He missed her.

A lot more than he thought he would when the divorce took place.

His feelings made him remember what Afrah said about him transferring his frustrations on her because Najah left him. He mentally flinched as the realization dawned on him. What she perhaps right? Was his anger towards her a misplaced resentment? Maybe. Just maybe there was a silver of truth in them.

"No!" He vehemently shook his head, disagreeing with his conscience. "That's not it." Yes, she had shown a little remorse when he confronted her about the disrespect the first time, but that wasn't enough for jameel. He wanted her to show deep remorse and even apologize to his mother. He believed it was his guilt of intentionally hurting her with his words that was gnawing at his conscience, and making him think it was a misplaced resentment.

Jameel took a deep breath. He wondered why he was suddenly feeling so guilty about threatening Afrah with divorce. She had always done the same to him. Not once had she threatened to leave him and every time, he resulted in begging her to stay. For once, he wanted to prove to her that he was still in control. That he was still the head of the family. He wanted Afrah to realize that she can get nothing from him if exalting the power she had over him was her resolve.

Among everything she had said to him, what continued to echoed in his mind was Afrah's words implying that he was an irresponsible father. He couldn't even blame her for the accusation because she was right. Busy drowning in his own problems, he completely neglected his child. He had been self-absorbed. Fawaaz, their innocent child had become collateral damage.

Without even having to say it out, Jameel knew that despite Afrah's infuriating behavior, her words revealed a truth he couldn't ignore-he was indeed failing his son.

And for that reason, he decided to put aside his ego and allow Afrah leave the house with their son for a few days. Maybe he needed a conducive environment to recuperate faster. It would hurt him to give in to her, especially since she felt she can get anything she wanted, but for the sake of his son, he would swallow his pride.

Resulting in threats and ultimatum wasn't his style. Stooping to that level felt like a punch in the guts. Afrah was beginning to turn him into someone unrecognizable. Someone he wasn't proud of.