"I want to write you a poem."
There it was. Stuck in the middle of us. The happiness is just a moment and then your hand slides down to your side. I was hungry, I remember saying but you only stared. I wish I knew what you were thinking then but now I can only guess. That empty space seemed like the only place I found you in. I wanted to join you but your hands were too cold. There was nothing more to bring you in but the willingness to let go of my heart.
"Is that so?"
Can we begin again? Is that a valid question or do I need to explain myself once again? I could almost feel the heat of your body but still couldn't find the opportunity for myself to fall into it. I wished you pulled me into your hold. I would have forgiven every incident in the past. My mind would have made up excuses and I would have followed you to the end. There was nothing I wouldn't have done just to feel close to you but still you were too far from me. Even as you stood in front of me.
"If Daniel says no, I would leave this place alone."
There was no going back. I cannot unsee what I saw. There is only an empty house and the warmth has left you. It was so dull that my mind seemed to start to make believe. I needed to know how you felt that time but all I got was nothing but a house with no lights on. The dust settled as I walked in and the emptiness seemed like a new friend. Am I going crazy? Or am I just experiencing your emptiness for the first time?
"There is nothing that's keeping you here."
You are the only man I ever wanted. There was no one before you and I doubt I want anyone after you. I didn't know I was not living until I met you. You opened my eyes to a whole new world. I was nothing, a speck of dust then you breathed life into me. Now I feel like I am drowning, packing your clothes in the laundry. If begging was an option would you hear me? Tell me how to live now without you with me? If I need to go on my knees would it show my sincerity?
"If I wait? Would you like to hear it?"
"It's over..."
Fall in the depth of water. It is the only way I can feel like I am at home. The heat of my tears doesn't bother me, doesn't remind me of the heat you emitted with every hug you gave me. That crazy sound of your laugh doesn't comfort me anymore. Why am I alone? Let me hold the flowers and be perfect. Show the world that somehow I know how to be on my own. My crooked smile and the dead look of the eyes is nothing compared to what is going in the mind. Is it really how it is supposed to be? A little weed pulled out and left to the wind.
"If I say no, would you listen to me?"
"Came back... don't you see..."
Peach blossoms are my favourite. A trip we planned left on the table unopened. The smell of that perfume you bought brings too many hurtful memories that get in the way. The touch of your cold hand doesn't hold mine like it used to. There is no company in the world that can replace you. This body has too many burdens to bear as I pack the last of your clothes in a bag that's going somewhere, nowhere that I can see. Is it alright if I keep this last t-shirt you wore? it still smells like you. It will be my last reminder of you.
"Goodbye I guess...?"
Words left unsaid. Heart burning. Nothing lurking. Flowers falling. That tree looks like it had enough. Reminds me of the last summer of you and me. Bring me peace and say it was all a joke. Lurking about in the garden. No herbs can heal this type of pain but still I am searching. Forgetting feels like a never ending hole. Is this what it feels like? Is this what it looks like? A deep abyss or is it a blackhole? My empty chest is quiet and the pain is numbing. This home is too suffocating.
"I am truly sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know..."
One sentence. Eleven words. Fifty one characters. I don't think I saw it but it's too late now. Is this what it is supposed to be? Me staring in and my heart is missing. The police laughed when I phoned them but they didn't know. It was the last part of me to go. I think I heard the phone but it was deafening. The last light was the desperate plea of my brain holding me till you barged through the door. It was the last hope but you were not there. Just a reminder of how alone this life has become. Nothing but the numbing of once upon a time in love.
"It is okay. I am fine now. Go home."
The conversation was officially done. The number disconnected to some. The trip is the last part that is shredded to parts. No goodbyes is ever as heart-warming as the goodbye of the person you love.
Author's note:
I hope you enjoy this. I cannot decide whether this is a poem or a short story... Maybe you can tell me. I like it though felt like a heavy weight was taken off my shoulders when I was done writing this. What do you think?
Thank you for reading.
