Alexithymia

5

I trudged down the stairs lazily and rubbed my tired eyes as I yawned. I didn't know what time it was but it was still dark out. I had awoken not too long ago in a cold sweat. I had a terrible nightmare about some of the many bullies at my previous school and couldn't sleep. I was just going to stay in bed and wait until I got tired, but I craved some warm milk and cookies.

Whenever I couldn't sleep, grandmother would always bring me a warm cup of milk and her homemade cookies. I knew that I wouldn't be able to have any of grandmothers cookies so I'd just have to settle with some store bought ginger ones. They weren't as good but I liked them well enough. They're Quincy's favourite and there weren't too many left so I had to make sure that I didn't eat too many.

When I got into the kitchen, I took out the milk carton and searched around for the cookies and a glass cup. I was never allowed to use the gas stove at grandmothers so I wasn't sure if I was able to do it here. I was too lazy to ask dad if I could so I just opted for the microwave. I placed the bag of cookies onto the table and poured the milk into the cup. I gasped as I spilled some of it onto the counter and floor.

"Oops."

I placed the cup into the microwave and quickly closed it before pressing the two minute button. I then grabbed a cloth and began to clean the counter top and thereafter began to look for the mop.

"Where is it?" I softly whispered to myself as I searched the entire kitchen.
When I wasn't able to locate it, I shrugged and took the cloth from the counter, got down onto my knees and began to clean up the mess.

Suddenly, the light to the kitchen was switched on. I squinted due to its brightness and quickly stood to my feet. Chris looked at me with his eyebrows scrunched and then let his eyes trail down to the wet cloth in my hand.

"What are you doing?" The tired expression on his face quickly turned into an agitated one as he impatiently waited for my response.

I quickly threw the cloth onto the counter and backed up some as he tried examining me. I began to nervously fiddle with the tip of my index finger as his piercing eyes began to make me extremely uncomfortable. Why did he have to be the one to come down here out of all people?

"I-I spilled the milk." I squeaked.

He remained silent as he eyed the wet spot on the counter. He then looked down at the wet spot at his feet and his eyes slowly trailed up my body to meet my eyes.

"Did you just fucking clean the dirty floor with the cloth we wash the dishes with?"

My eyes grew wide. "I-I'm - I couldn't find the mop."

Chris snarled at me as he grabbed the wet cloth from the counter and aggressively tossed it into the trash can. 

"You're fucking disgusting." He gritted.

He walked over to the fridge and searched the inside of it as I bit into my bottom lip to stop myself from crying. I didn't mean to clean up the milk with the cloth. I just didn't want anyone getting mad at me for not cleaning it up. What if someone slipped in it? Someone could've gotten really hurt. Then everyone would be mad at me for not cleaning it up. I didn't want that. I was going to wash the cloth afterwards. I wouldn't have left it like that.

The microwave dinging scared me out of my thoughts and I jumped slightly. I can just forget the cookies. The quicker I get out of his hair the better. I walked over to the microwave and opened it. I grabbed onto the cup by its handle and picked it up. I closed the microwave and began to make my way out of the kitchen.

"Are you going to just leave these here?"

I carefully turned around so that the milk wouldn't spill and saw Chris leaning against the counter as he drank from a plastic water bottle he had gotten from the fridge. He motioned to the bag of cookies on the counter and my eyes widened. I had complete forgotten about those. The look he had on his face made me physically cringe. He truly hated me. That was very clear.